Everything Must Go by Christopher Stewart (ChrisS) writing as Anonymous - Short, Horror, Dark Comedy - Don't leave your toys out. You never know what might happen. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Well I didn’t see that ending.

SPOLIERS

Lots of good visuals.

Not come across a magic 8 ball before but i get the idea.

You kept it simple and focussed but actually  it has the potential to have a variety of scenes ending with the one you wrote.

Nice effort

No fun being on the bottom, so let's bump this up.

What do we have here?  Hmmm, a 1 1/2 pager, huh?  OK, let's check it out.

Well, writing isn't great (very passive), maybe very rushed.  Characters are like the "nondescript house" we're at.  We have 2 settings, but just look at all the stuff that's going on!  Seriously...look.   How many airplanes could possibly be flying over this driveway?  This house sits on a road that trucks just cruise by and smash into "the house"?  Where'd all these peeps come from who are running away?

There's zero story here, and for me, no twist whatsoever.  It's a 1 1/2 page skit that comes from and goes nowhere.

Now, the last passage and line of dialogue is quite funny, but I don't see this as a serious attempt at a real script.

I did get a chuckle at the end, so thank you for that.

Hey Writer,

I liked it - the punchline/twist was a big laugh.

Having very short scripts among many entries is always welcome in my book.

Your title is cool too, with the double meaning

I love a bold slugline, but bold and underlined seems overkill imho.

Okay, I see why this is so short... it's a essentially a one shot joke.

Which was funny!

Full script with a twist less so.

Thanks for making me chuckle.

That was unexpected. Short and sweet. I didn't look at the page count, so it was quite the shock to see a few lines and The End. Bam!

Not much of a story but a decent punchline.

super short yet still manages to be funny. impressive !

Dear Anon,
GABRIEL could be the only name choice for the messenger wandering amongst us! Another cameo for Alan Sidney Patrick Rickman from beyond the grave!!
Apocalypse in two pages - swift set up - no wasted dialogue into climactic resolve.
This has one patrons grubby fingerprints all over its high gloss black finish. Fantastic.  All best --

funny for sure -- I like how out-of-left-field it is. the ending kind of rationalizes things a bit but I tend to prefer the inexplicable -- the cosmic implications of a magic 8-ball. others will go the other way, though. the end is still amusing enough.

too short and ambitious to really do much with but it got a giggle out of me and for a writing challenge such as this it's a solid effort

Well, I didn't see that coming, lol. I think this one works as a joke, but as a story, not so much. Just my opinion, of course. There are quite a few things that have more than one meaning, so good on you for that. I'm guessing you didn't have a lot of time since it's so short. I think the premise could've made a pretty good six-pager. Maybe expand it?

Hello,

So I read it. Did it come with a twist - very much yes. It's a good skit. Entertaining and I didn't know where it was going. Someone with a good grip of visual effects can film it I guess. It's like a joke told in a form of a script - if you have a number of them on the same idea (God), you can have series or something. Religious people might feel offended though - but you know that.

Definite twist here. I have to mention Khammana’s post above about religious people being offended. I picture God/Jesus having a very broad sense of humor. How else could they tolerate us?  Also appreciated the double entendre of the title with the outcome. Nice entry, writer.

Great setup!

He sees a dust-covered Magic 8-Ball laying amongst a pile of
old toys. Lying amongst a pile...

https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/articles/lay-versus-lie/

I'm in the camp that wanted more from that 8-ball with an actual twist.

I hope you write another draft with at least 6 pages.
Regardless of that, what you did write was fun.

"What did it say?" instead of answering straight away, why not just show us? It's more impactful that way.

"Comes to a [stop]."

Is this supposed to be the Hans Zimmer Inception "Braaam" brass?

What the...? LMAO! Is this a pisser? This is a fun quickie, nothing particularly special. Writing is fairly good. Good job on entering.

cute, clever and quick.  

- Don