Two problems with this script (and the first is extremely easy to fix).
First, you shouldn't post a script here in Final Draft. Not everyone has thtis software and, without it, you can't open it and read it. Save the file as a .rtf file and resubmit it.
Second, (spoilers ahead), it was too short with no development whatsoever. Two kids go into a haunted house. They get chased by an evil. They die. The end. There was no character development and no suspense.
Rewrite this story. Make it atleast twenty-five pages long (yes, I said twenty-five). But don't just make the chase longer. Delve into the background of Dave and Gary. Go into the history of the house. Explain John a little bit. Build some suspense.
Phil |