House of Fun by Andy Petrou - Short, Drama - It's not Jimmy's fault he's a midget.  -   Dogglebe One Week Screenwriting Exercise Submission - rtf, format

Thanks, Don.

This will be interesting! Looking forward to hearing some comments about this little short! Good and bad, all welcome!

Thanks,

Andy  

These kids have quite the mouths on them don't they. haha.

While reading this many things came to my head. This very much reminded me of Simon Birch which was a film about a midget kid.

This script was written very well Andy and no part of it seemed rushed or any of that. How could kids make fun of midgets that bad. Idiots.

Well i really enjoyed this Andy and there really is nothing negative about it.

10/10

Awe, Andrew you are too kind.

I really actually enjoyed writing this. I sat on it for two days to just absorb it, but it did only take 2 days to come up with. That's why I was worried about it.

I am so happy you liked it and for the excellent rating you gave me hon.

I feel the need to improve the timezone aspect of it, such as how to do flashbacks better, but I think, I hope, the rest was correct format-wise.

Thanks for reading it and for taking part too. I am about to read yours now.

Andy xxx

PS - I never swear like this in real life, I can assure you all!!LMAO!!   Well, maybe a little, if I feel naughty.

PPS - Must check out 'Simon Birch', hadn't heard of him before!

Quoted Text PPS - Must check out 'Simon Birch', hadn't heard of him before!

Seems like you are referring to him as a actor. Just so you know it is the title of the movie.

What a great job, Andy!  How can you be so foul-mouthed and light-hearted all at the same time.  Maybe that is something only a woman can do?  And to think you didn't even what to participate...

Jimmy is a fully-realized character, which is not easy to accomplish in such a small number of pages.  And I really liked the group of bullies -- they made me think of evil Goonies!!

I read that you were struggling with flashbacks and such, so I want to let you know that I only lost track of where we were on a single occassion -- immediately following the dream sequence.  I wondered "how old" he was when he woke up, but it was only a few paragraphs later that this mystery was cleared up.  So, you accomplished your "time travel" quite adequately.

And I really, really liked the end.  Really.

Really liked this one, Andy. Your sense of hunour really shines through in your writing even though this was a dramatic piece.

I felt sorry for little Jimmy right from the outset. Ginger AND a midget! Poor kid.

I think the flashbacks worked very well. I loved your descriptions of the bullies. For some reason they reminded me of The Bash Street Kids.

The ending was the icing on the cake. The cause of death had me in stitches and I love the dream sequence where all the old gang get to take a shot at him.

Overall, good stuff. One of my favourites so far.

Bert, Martin, thank you so much.

Wow! I'm so happy!! I cannot tell you all how worried I was about this cos I didn't feel like I could out-do my goonies script. Not to mention the fact that I had to keep it short. I am a typical woman, can ramble on forever, so it was pretty hard keeping it concise.

I too liked the ending, though I was so close to scrapping it. I showed a few friends and a couple of them didn't like it. Nor did they think there was enough bullying, but Im happy I went with the version I submitted.

I guess I must be a typical woman Bert, being a foul mouth and light hearted at the same time has taken years to get down to a T!! LOL!!! I know, I think I offended one person at work with the cursing, but I did warn her...

Martin, am so glad you liked the dream scene. I actually wanted this to be longer, but didn't want it to take over from the rest of the script. I could've written a short on this alone and turned it into a horror.

About his death... well, I liked that! I was racking my brain forever trying to think of a stupid way to die and well, that's what I came up with!!! Dirty little mind at the mo, so forgive me...

Thanks so much for reading it everyone  

Andy xxx

Good job, Andy. The back and forth between now and then worked real well for you in rounding out Jimmy and his nemesis. It really set up the hatred between them. I liked the basement funeral.

One weird bit: when Jimmy woke up from his dream, it clear he woke up from a dream. He doesn't need to say "what a weird dream" to clarify it.

I love the last line. Priceless and very well set-up.

Yet another great job Andy!

Absolutey a great read, and I finally understand the dream sequence at the end. Hey, we are not all writers so it takes the rest of us some time to get a grip on the story! LOL

Loved the character descriptions, especially that of Jimmy.

Keep 'em coming, I think you have great talent!

Andy-

This is probably one of the best scripts I've read on here!  The characters in this story were developed so well and the fact that Jimmy was a midget made him unique, which really stands out.  You don't see too many movies were the main character is a midget, I tell ya.  But it was great storytelling with how you involved Jimmy's entire family and gave them personalities, even Spritz!  The bullying sequences were frightening to say the least.  Having just gotten out of high school, there's only one or two students that you notice who really get into deep trouble with bullies and you really start to feel for them.  Jimmy was one of those individuals, but what made it so horrifying was that he was a midget and he was hated for something that he couldn't do anything about.

Overall, great characters, ingenious dialogue, and clever comic relief made this an easy and very enjoyable read.  A Winner All The Way!

Thanks so much Zane and Greg! I am glad that you both liked my script and the character of Jimmy.

Also, thank goodness my sense of humour was well received, hee, hee. Now, doesn't that make me one sick little puppy?

Very encouraging feedback, which I appreciate. I may well participate again should we all get another opportunity.

Andy xxx  

All those harsh words!!!! Andy!!!!!

Just kidding! I loved it. You did VERY well with showing how a bully operates and thinks. I loved it.

BUT then I had that song STUCK in my head all frikkin' day.

"welcome to the house of fun......."


But seriously, I thought it was good....well done!

Stew

Andy,

It was SOOO great to read something else by you!

SPOILER ALERT.

"What a f-ed up dream!", yes that truly was. LOL. I found the scene where the kids gather in the basement to shoot at Stanley pretty disturbing! That scene stuck with me for awhile.

Minus 1-2 characters I liked how some of the buddies were slightly different themselves; obese, wart on lip, etc. Great characters and very touching in an odd way. LOL. The dialogue read smoothly and the pacing was perfect. I liked this a lot.

-ONEY

Thanks Stew! I too had the damn song stuck in my head!! Sorry about that! I also had the whacky video in my mind too. Still, am glad you liked it!!Hee hee!

Hey Oney... or do you prefer Jim? I am glad my goonies follow up wasn't a let down, yay! Well, I've always had a thing for clowns, and was happy to find a way to bring it into the storyline. Also, I liked the way they all had a 'shot' at him... don't have nightmares though... Thanks for your feedback