Garbage by Cindy L. Keller - Short - Following the path of a one dollar bill. 3 pages - pdf, format

Cindy, this is excellent. A very original and powerful piece. Great imagery and overall solid writing. A pleasure to read.

Really? Cool! I wasn't sure how it would come across to others. I'm glad you liked it.

It's stories like this that inspires a person to want to write more, in hopes of creating a story just as great, be it short or long. Simply put... I was amazed with this story, Cindy! I could actually see what was happening, how everything flowed perfectly. What was the inspiration to write this? I don't know if anybody else smiled to themselves after reading this, but I sure as heck did! Reason being just cause it ended so cool! And the way you used the eye!!! Clever indeed little lady. Definetly an enjoyable little read. I look forward to your next story...

Original, yet simply written it's easy to follow. That's what I like about it. Thanks for the story, Cindy. Keep it up!

I enjoyed it a great deal. I like the innovative use of the dollar's eye. This was a very hardend look at life as a whole and the most involved part to me was that it wasn't thru the eyes of a man, woman or even child... it was thru the unsuspecting eye of a dollar bill... Fantastic stuff! This is a very original piece. You should be proud from opening scene to the grim reality of the last scene.

Very good work.

You should, maybe, try to film this one... Is that a possible outlet you could seek?

Balt~

Memphis Raines,
I've kind of been in a bad mood lately, and living where I do (metro Detroit) it's stuff like this that I see, so I decided to write something about it, and try to make it easy for someone to film. My son-in-law painted the earth on a string and a hand with scissors years ago. That image stuck with me.
I'm glad you liked it.

Balt,
Wesley brought that up to me. It could be easy enough for me to do, but I'd have to find a couple actors for the alley scene. I might try it if I can't find someone who knows what they're doing. Maybe someone might like this for a festival or for a piece to use for a class, then I wouldn't have to film it.  
I'm pleased that you liked this.

Cindy

POSSIBLE SPOILERS!!!



What a fantastic concept, Cindy! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Your description was so well done and the pace of it was perfect. I loved the way the eye changed through each encounter. This is by far one of the most unusual storylines I've ever come across and certainly would love to see this visually on film too.

It stands on it's own at just 4 pages, but each one is filled with something new.

I only noticed one typo - page 2, you write "busses" insted of "bus's".

I can't remember what the dollar bill looks like now, but I have one at home. I could visualise the eye well, and when it shed a tear, I thought it was very moving. What a clever way to show the impact of money eh?! Money made the world fall down, not go round. So interesting.

All in all, a terrific piece and one of my favourites on the forum, definately hon.

Andy xxx

Cindy, what a wonderful short.  No dialogue.  Wonderful images.  An exquisite piece of work in its simplicity.

A couple of minor technical points:  Slugs should read “EXT. SOLAR SYSTEM – DAY”, with a period.  None of your INT or EXT slugs have a period in them.  And sounds that happen off-screen, like SPLASH or BANG, would be designated as such by the abbreviation "O.S."

Another easy fix:  While subtle digs at our current administration are always welcome from this reader  , you might want to reconsider using a whopping "80%"!  That seems impossibly high, and strikes a false note that injures the piece.

It occurs to me, after reading your post about the painting, that this could work wonderfully as an animated short. You might want to consider that option.

Great work.

I agree about the "80%" being a little over the top.

Otherwise, absolutely great, and I really like the idea of this as an animated short.  I think that done right, the animation could really add to the feel of the story.

Hi Andy,
I'm glad you liked the script. I went back and fixed the busses. Thanks for catching it.

Bert,
I have the periods in my original. Somehow they dissapear when the script gets changed from Word to Rich Text. I don't know why.  ??????
The price of the condos at the beginning is pretty high, too. I wanted this script to be a little futuristic (sp?). I changed the 80% to 63%, a little lower, but I want to keep it at a high number. People around here are loosing jobs like crazy. It seems like everyone is looking for work. If the world keeps going the way it is, maybe that will happen one day, and I can see the Pres turing his back.
I'll fix the splash, bang, and the horn, add the OS. Thanks.  

Heretic,
I'm glad you liked it.

Thanks for reading it.

I'm thinking about entering this script into the Queens festival.   ??????????
Cindy

I found a typo...

"A HORN blows. A cloud of black smoke is released from a busses exhaust pipe."

Should be bus's not "busses". Sorry to be picky.

I really liked it though. The ending was amazing. Really impressive. You have a really creative mind and you dont let reality bring your ideas down.

-Andrew

Hi Andrew,
Thank you for reading it. I've gone through it and fixed some things in my draft at home. The busses was one of them.
I wrote the first draft of this one in about an hour. I let it sit for a few days then went back to it and changed a quite a few things, even the title, but I seem to focus too much on the story, and end up missing typo's.
Anyway, I think I have them all fixed now.
I sent this one to QIFF. Queens International Film Festival.
If anyone's interested, the entry fee is only $20 if you want to enter a short, $40 if you want to enter a feature. If you are a finalist, they want you to attend the festival. Winners get a trophy, $, and get to meet others in the film industry. I think I will post it in the section for contests.

awesome! what are the requirements for this film festival? and what else have you wrote? I would love to read more of your stuff.

-Andrew

Hi, Broken Windows. I posted the link in the Film Contests and Looking for Scripts.
I have also written Masquerade (it's in the horror section) and Tattoo (in the Short section).

P.S. A producer contacted me through e-mail and said he was interested in giving the final draft a read.

Can someone fill me in on whats so beautiful about this script? I think I could be missing something...
I found the "story" to be pointless and a rip off of the Forrest Gump feather theme. Also, the formatting of the script has flaws in it.
And what's with the ending?