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The Universe Explained? by Martin Lancaster - Short, Fantasy - Professor Douglas Quinn has discovered the true meaning of the universe and all that it entails. He's about to reveal his findings to the world... or is he? Written in 24 hours for the final round of the NYC Midnight Screenwriter's Challenge - pdf, format
Am getting ready to wrap up my PC time shortly, but saw that your script went up and had to give it a read before I left.
What can I say? This is a masterpiece! My favourite by far! You captured my attention from the start and I was reading so fast because I wanted to know what was going to happen next. I loved it all. I think you're language skills are superb, ingenious dialogue here and you created several worlds for my imagination to run wild in.
Some truly scary looking scenes too, sheesh! Foreign strangers with bizarre violent behaviours and languages... monkeys with typewriters.... That mental image stuck with me. Goodness, however did you think up all of this in such a short space of time? It reminds me of one of those really bizarre nightmares/dreams that you get, and after you wake up, the first few seconds, you are just in awe of it all. So many themes running through this script and pulled off perfectly. I can't find fault here at all.
Quinn was written perfectly, your description spot on and it truly set the scene. It was very clever how you incorporated the information from the lecture and took it in the direction you did after his subconcious took over.
I loved the pace and length and think this to be your finest piece so far. I think it's my new favourite and urge any and all to give it a read over. This would come as no surprise to me to learn that it comes first place, after reading it, it is in a league of its own. Good luck!
1. Why is this script so good? 2. What made you think of this?
Lol. Okay now.
I enjoyed very much. One of the best 'shorts' on this site. Your scenes, descriptions, everything was superb/excellent/great whatever you want to call it. I felt the same way with Andy about having to read it fast to know what is going to happen.
If you write something else you will have a guarenteed read from me.
It reminded me of all of those other stories or films where a character in a coma or something and this is the kind of thing they see. The story captured me after the accident and he found himself in the desert. I love that kind of stuff where you keep wondering and as the story goes on, the odyssey goes farther.
A truly satisfying piece of work, probably your best on here and good luck in the competition!
Martin, I read this yesterday and didn't have time to post a reply. This short was very interesting. The visuals here were very good from the beginning to the end, where I found the language could be believable. Great job. You did this all in that short of a time limit? Wow! Let us know how you do in the contest. I'm sure you will do very well. Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
It was actually my girlfriend's idea. As soon as I mentioned 'fantasy' and 'steps' she blurted out 'library of babel'. I'd never heard of it so I did some googling and found the story online:
I like your story pretty good, as you already know, but this link is just a bunch of mish-mush that reads like it might have been written by "Security".
Sadly not. It seems the winners aren't sharing. I read 6 or 7 of the final entries on the NYC Midnight forums and only one of them made the top 5 (3rd place I think). I'd be interested to read the other winning scripts.
I've already read "The universe explained?" and, since I like reviewing anyhow and my only script is one not yet half finished, there's no need for an exchange.
Now, when I read this I had read many very positive reviews already, which changed the experience slightly. My general impression of the movie was that of intrigue, great interest, and yet some element of bizzarreness, of something that eludes me, of a higher point I am missing. Now, this is less extreme in this movie than, say, "2001:a space odyssey", in which this feeling of mine dominated much of the movie, particularly the end. In this movie, it was much more moderate, in my opinion the best of both worlds; I understand most of the movie without any complexities, and yet there is a deeper message for the interested.
As always, I hate giving pure criticisms or pure compliments, so here are a few notes for improvement, though as it is it remains an excellent script:
1)The professor should be less of a pure observer and more of a choice maker. Though much of it he inevitably must observe passively, some activity could be inserted. Or, equally optionable, he could be given the illusion of choice, only to be horrified at the true lack thereof. For example, you could give him a dilemma, whether or not to climb a staircase up or down, have him deliberate over it; he eventually chooses to go up, then finding it identical to the previous room, go back down and find it, too, to be identical. This is already existent in the script, but I think a little more of it would improve the reality and action in the movie.
2)A little more bluntness. Now, this is more an issue of style and is slightly out of the boundaries of reviewing, but as an average reader I can tell you what I think could improve it slightly. Images alone present a general picture, and the metaphors and ideas can indeed be expressed solely in this way. However, a little more bluntness, in the form of either written text or a little more dialogue, could go a long way to make your message more clear. The former is perhaps more suggested, since the whole of the movie, which is without much dialogue, is not compromised, and you have a glaring, unarguable message; though the character might disagree, he cannot tell it truly to the viewers unless by action. A sign above a door or similar prop should do the trick. The latter idea is more direct and less glaring, less emphasized, but it adds some livelihood to the movie and characters.
3)One last, small note, regarding the ending. I personally liked the ending, which I found very open ended and yet immediately powerful. The only note I have regarding it is that perhaps you could make it slightly longer and portray the character in the final moments a little more expressively, beyond the mere words. He could make motions, point and gesture without apparent meaning; more appropriately, he could try and convey his experience in a way that the viewer can more or less understand, but the characters in the movie cannot, creating great sympathy for that character, since the viewer understands the frustration in not being able to convey the message. There are plenty of solutions to this, and you should feel free with your ending, since virtually any one which starts with your ending as a starting point cannot be actually bad, since the essential concept is good.
In closing, I have to say that this was an excellent read, and you can notice how small and almost insignificant my notes were; that is because in this area, this short expresses what it wishes to express, does so beautifully and, I should say, scientifically, and lets the viewer interpret it with his own understanding to retrieve from the movie his own message. Well done, well written.
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