Mums in the zoo by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - After this we all have to think about what kind of place is a zoo. - pdf, format

With only one page of length (other than the title page), there's not much to review.  Also, the script is very simple, with no dialogue to critique.  So all that's really left is the idea:

***SPOILERS***                                       ***SPOILERS***

It's not original.  One of the most common anti-Zoo arguments is "How would you feel if you were behind the bars and not the monkeys?".  Turning it into a one-page script doesn't really add on the one-sentence argument.

If you want to say something stronger with this script, you need to put a little more effort into it.

Thanks Jerdol for your mommet.

Actually, this was some type of experience - to write in a single page (have lots of 1 minute contests around there asking for this type of script).

Of course I know it is not a original but it was worth traying anyway.

This seems to work better as an RSPCA advertisment to me..sorry.

No problem, Bigwhoop. Maybe I'll donate it to them if they want of course and thanks for the regard!

It was nicely written for what it was.  It works better as a sample of your story-telling techniques, rather than a story.


Phil

Wow! Thanks Dogglebe! You know, I've difficult to write in English. It is one of my great weaknesses. Sometime, I hesitated to send more script to this board because I 'm not sure about my English writing. Anyway, your comment makes me feel good and encouraged!

I think this could work well as a one-minute short for some of those contests (I enter one every year).  Not an original idea but you wrote it nicely...

I say, send in all the scripts you can..don't worry about your English!

Rod Serling did this on a twilight zone he wrote... long... long... long ago. It was about kids who got to go to a zoo and pick the parents they wanted.

Rod Serling?!!! Gosh! Well I'm just a "wanna be" that's all. Thanks anyway.