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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Script Club V: I Want To _____ Your Sister Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    Script Club V: I Want To _____ Your Sister  (currently 10420 views)
Grandma Bear
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 5:48pm Report to Moderator
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My complaint was that the title promised something different. Not that the script was bad.


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Breanne Mattson
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 5:55pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
My adive would be to review a "successful" movie script adn then go about it to see why it was successful. What worked, why did it work?  When looking at a script that ahs yet to prove itself, it's hard not to see its faults as well as its strengths.


If there’s ever another discussion group for a produced script, maybe that can be the focus. For this one though the focus is to study a script that sold, not to examine how well it did at the box office. Selling a script is a success in and of itself. This script sold based on what an exec thought it was capable of accomplishing; what he or she projected it could accomplish. We’re examining how that decision may have been made and how we as writers might be able to produce a salable script.

This film may fail. The writer may never be heard from again. But the fact will always remain that she sold this script. And that’s more than most will ever do. Unquestionably she did something right. In my mind, at least, we have much to learn from this script, whether we personally like it or not.


Breanne



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Dreamscale
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 6:01pm Report to Moderator
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Agreed.

Kind of hard for me to say much about it, since I haven't finished it, but right off the bat, I can tell it's not my cup of soup.  This point is driven home for me based on comments from people in here who actually enjoy comedies, that are saying this isn't that funny, and needs another couple of rewrites to make it better.  If a comedy isn't funny, to me that means that the script isn't that good, no matter what it looks or reads like.

I think I'm going to sit this one out and wait for the next one.
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Breanne Mattson
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
...right off the bat, I can tell it's not my cup of soup.  This point is driven home for me based on comments from people in here who actually enjoy comedies, that are saying this isn't that funny, and needs another couple of rewrites to make it better.  If a comedy isn't funny, to me that means that the script isn't that good, no matter what it looks or reads like.


Todd Black, Jason Blumenthal and Steve Tisch are producing for Escape Artists, along with Aaron Kaplan and Sean Perrone. Says Black, "When Jason and I read this, we have not laughed this much ever."

Source: http://www.cinematical.com/2007/03/29/mtv-wants-to-___-your-sister/

It's what they think that matters. It’s all a matter or personal opinion.


Breanne



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Dreamscale
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 6:33pm Report to Moderator
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Agreed again.  And I've said the same thing over and over about choices being a matter of personal opinion.  Lucky for all of us, there are many different people out there whose personal opinion could come into play.

I'm sure the execs at Carlco thought the script for Cutthroat Island was just great also.  They greenlit it, spent close to $100 million on the budget, and saw it gross less than $10 million in the US.  It was listed as the biggest flop of all times and literally destroyed Carolco and all that were behind it.

It's a hit and miss world for sure.

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Breanne Mattson
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 6:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Breanne
It’s all a matter or personal opinion.


Just so no one misunderstands me; when I say it’s all a matter of personal opinion; I mean that as in whether or not this script is funny.

It should be pointed out that although I myself thought it had its funny moments while others were rather flat, I still understand that others may find this script hilarious. I wouldn’t base my decision to purchase a script entirely on my own personal opinion of it. And I don’t think any smart executive would either.

Maybe that’s why scripts like Curthroat Island get made; because some people let their personal opinion stand in place of looking at what the public’s opinions might be.

I can see this film going either way, depending on rewrites. If they hired me to rewrite it, I would think it needs scenes of guys hatching plans to get Mandy in bed. Others don’t.

As someone’s younger sister, and looking back, I think my brother was certainly justified in worrying about me. And I think some justified concern is going to be what people expect. Because I think that’s what brothers and sisters will relate to. In a way this script fails to deliver on the brother/sister front as well.

But that’s my personal opinion. If I were an executive, however, from a business standpoint, I can instantly recognize the potential here.


Breanne



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Dreamscale
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
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But don't you see potential in lots of scripts?  Lots of unporduced scripts from unporduced writers?   I know I sure do.  I also see lots and lots of movies that don't have any potential, based on the completely inane scripts they're derived from.  And it's absolutely no surprise to me when I see a movie that's terrible, that doesn't even try, it turns out to be a financial failure.

Obviously I can't call 'em all correctly, but you might be surprised by my success rate.

Is this script from a first timer or a pro writer?  If it's from a pro, it makes alot mroe sense that it got the attention it did, which I agree seems to be based on the title.
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Shelton
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 7:01pm Report to Moderator
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This...


Quoted from Breanne Mattson

This script sold based on what an exec thought it was capable of accomplishing; what he or she projected it could accomplish.


Is the answer to this...



Quoted from Breanne
how we as writers might be able to produce a salable script.


There is no magic bullet, it's all a guessing game pretty much the luck of the draw from where we all stand.  You could send out Bee Girl or Singles Camp or Devil in D Minor to 100 different executives and get absolutely no bites at all, but 101 could be the one that digs it, and you sell that script.

It's really about finding the right prodco as much as it is about writing.  You just have to make sure the work is competent when you get to that point.

From the perspective of this script, I would imagine that an agent was involved, which got it to MTV and Escape Artists in the first place.  Same concept, only it didn't have the limitations posed on it that we do.



Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 7:07pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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One thing I noticed right away with this script was the moving quality it had. Both place and structure carried themselves together in a kind of chain. Both elements seemed to be in harmony with one another.

If anyone wants to help identify some of these shifts, then great.

From a time perspective, I read out the dialogue, imagined the scenery and tried to get a feel for the first scene. I used that sense of "fast and fidgety" that was rolling through in Pamela's dialogue.

From this, I clocked it in at just under two minutes for the first two pages which is right on schedule.

Into the third minute, Mandy makes her transformation on the train and whoosh!!! We're there with her in New York.

From the time she enters the train, does the transformation and we get a couple of reactionary shots, we've used about 30 seconds.

As she exits the train, does a scan of Penn Station, and has her bags neatly lifted, we're only three minutes in. It's not just that we're 3 pages in, but by my calculations, we truly are 3 minutes into the movie and having this Jamaican guy all Jamaican-like with a big smile just walk off with a couple of her bags-- is an excellent opener.

One of the things that I think makes this script salable is that Melissa knows the craft well enough that her moves of time and place together with character motivation work together in harmony.

Does anyone want to examine the shifts in the next 3 pages?

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Breanne Mattson
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 7:08pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Shelton
It's really about finding the right prodco as much as it is about writing.


Maybe it’s time to discuss how to do that. A lot of writers don’t know where to begin to get their script to the right company. I admit I have no idea where to send Bee Girl. I’ve never seen anything like it before.

That’s the thing though. Should the writer bother with what you personally want to write? Or should the writer focus on what’s marketable?

Who was it that said, “Amateurs write for themselves; professionals write for everyone else?”


Breanne



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Breanne Mattson
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
But don't you see potential in lots of scripts?  Lots of unporduced scripts from unporduced writers?   I know I sure do.


Certainly. But often they aren’t immediately understood. With this script, you instantly get it. You read the logline and can instantly see it on screen. You can instantly see butts in the seats and money in somebody’s pocket.


Quoted from Dreamscale
Is this script from a first timer or a pro writer?


As I understand it, she’s a first timer.


Breanne



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Shelton
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Breanne Mattson


Maybe it’s time to discuss how to do that. A lot of writers don’t know where to begin to get their script to the right company. I admit I have no idea where to send Bee Girl. I’ve never seen anything like it before.


Indie prodcos looking for comedies.  It's probably your best bet.  From a budget standpoint, you would probably be better off pitching Singles Camp though.  Have you tried the inktip route?  I never have myself, but I've heard good things.


Quoted from Breanne
That’s the thing though. Should the writer bother with what you personally want to write? Or should the writer focus on what’s marketable?


I would think it's a little of both.  When you write a spec, isn't it a movie that you'd ultimately like to see?  Not in the sense of "just because you wrote it", but because you think it's a good idea and would pay to see it even if you hadn't written it?  It's like that, and the trick is finding someone with cash (or at least access to it) that thinks the same thing.  That yours is a movie that should be made.


Quoted from Breanne
Who was it that said, “Amateurs write for themselves; professionals write for everyone else?”


I've heard that before, but who said it escapes me.  It is true though.  

Like I said above, even if you're writing a script with a concept you truly love, you're still writing it in the hopes that someone else is going to like it.  

The further you get down the line (or up I guess), the more you do it for someone else.  Assignments?  Pretty much nothing but the words on the page belong to you, and it's just your interpretation of their idea and what you think it is that they want.  

It's somebody else's concept, and you're just doing the grunt work.


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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Grandma Bear
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 7:36pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, here's a little strange something about how things might come about.

Let's assume that there are more scripts out there that are salable than there are movies being made every year. The hard part is getting someone to read it, right?

I met a local lady last December who's spent 25 years in Hollywood on the production front. She was married to two big producers and she worked on some big movies and know some of the big players. We are currently doing several projects together... she has introduced me lately to producers and agents in the business. My point is that meeting these people and talking to them, I can not tell you how often "my friend" has told them I write and that I'm good (she's biased, I know) and they have asked me if they can read one of my scripts!!  As many of you know, I've had a problem writing features, but do okay with shorts. I cannot tell you how BAD I have felt for not having anything to show these people. I can't exactly whip out a 5 page short and say "hey, read this".  I now drive around with feature scripts by friends here at SS in my car (with their permission of course) at all times.

Because of my friend's contacts, I can clearly see how a lot of "luck" play into at least getting your script read.  Is that fair? I don't know. What if I could get someone to read something I stick in a producer's face rather than have to try to go through an agency and such?

Anyway, my point being, I think some good scripts get lost before they even reach someone who matters, but maybe some gets moved into the production pipeline simply because someone who knew someone who knew someone got the script to the frontline.  I could of course be wrong, but I know I will never again find myself in the situation where an agent or producer asks me if they can read something and I have to say no because I have nothing besides a few shorts...


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 7:57pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from Grandma Bear
Okay, here's a little strange something about how things might come about.

Let's assume that there are more scripts out there that are salable than there are movies being made every year. The hard part is getting someone to read it, right?

I met a local lady last December who's spent 25 years in Hollywood on the production front. She was married to two big producers and she worked on some big movies and know some of the big players. We are currently doing several projects together... she has introduced me lately to producers and agents in the business. My point is that meeting these people and talking to them, I can not tell you how often "my friend" has told them I write and that I'm good (she's biased, I know) and they have asked me if they can read one of my scripts!!  As many of you know, I've had a problem writing features, but do okay with shorts. I cannot tell you how BAD I have felt for not having anything to show these people. I can't exactly whip out a 5 page short and say "hey, read this".  I now drive around with feature scripts by friends here at SS in my car (with their permission of course) at all times.

Because of my friend's contacts, I can clearly see how a lot of "luck" play into at least getting your script read.  Is that fair? I don't know. What if I could get someone to read something I stick in a producer's face rather than have to try to go through an agency and such?

Anyway, my point being, I think some good scripts get lost before they even reach someone who matters, but maybe some gets moved into the production pipeline simply because someone who knew someone who knew someone got the script to the frontline.  I could of course be wrong, but I know I will never again find myself in the situation where an agent or producer asks me if they can read something and I have to say no because I have nothing besides a few shorts...


Perhaps it's better that it happened that way. It gives you more time to develop. If all you had was shorts at the time, then that was where you were at that time and there's nothing to be ashamed of. It just goes to show you how hard it is to create a good script that one would be willing to show in all seriousness.

Here, we are mostly posting for feedback and that's good, but I don't want to send anything off anywhere "as if" I think it's brilliant or even half solid, when I haven't gotten to that stage of illumination yet.

I know it's hard not to feel bad about "missing" and opportunity, but well... have a beer and forget about it. Here's a Sleemans from Canada.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Dreamscale
Posted: September 30th, 2008, 8:02pm Report to Moderator
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Pia, I think you are 100% correct in what you just wrote.  I completely believe that it's all a matter of being in the right place at the right time, and luck has alot to do with that.  Some talent doesn't hurt either.

As someone else recently posted, 100 pro readres could read the same script and all could turn it down for one reason or another, but then the 101st reader could absolutely love it.  Or, of the 100 readers, a few could love it, a few could hate it, and the rest could be indifferent.

Even the very best movies have extremely negative reviews from some critics.  And the biggest piles of dogshit will get some positive reviews.  Why?  back to personal opinion again.

I watched the movie "Hatchet" the other night.  I've been wanting to see it now for some time, because I read alot of great things about it...I also read some bad things but when a low budget horror flcik gets nearly 50% positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, I feel there's got to be some strong film making going on there.  Wow, was I ever wrong, and shocked, cause this thing was terrible!  Pretty much terrible in every aspect...except maybe for sheer over the top gore.

Again, bottom line here...why was ths heap made?  How could it have garnished positive word of mouth?  No clue whatsoever.  I don't care what the screenplay looked like.  I don't care how great it read or was written, because the story, plot, characters, scenes, settings...everything, was downright awful.

Someone liked the concept though for some reason and it was made, attracted cameos from a few horror mainstays, made it's money, and laughed its way to the bank.  For me though, it left me quite angry and confused.
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