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This is for the discussion of the pro script I Want To _____ Your Sister.
If you don’t have a copy of the script, please contact Mike Shelton for a copy. It’s important we all read the same version.
Here is a reminder of the club objective and guidelines for this discussion:
Quoted from Breanne
The objective: to study a script that sold in Hollywood; to examine what made it sell; and to use it as a model to help give us a better understanding of how to improve our own work toward the goal of selling a script.
Here are the ground rules (yes there are rules):
1) We are not here to discuss what’s wrong with the script. We are here to discuss what’s right about it. Arguments over its artistic merits are outside the scope of this discussion.
2) Read the entire script before commenting on it.
3) Let’s try and focus on one subject at a time. That doesn’t mean we have to stay in one area of the script at a time. For example; the subject of character arc would require studying events throughout the entire story. But the subject would be a particular character’s arc.
4) Be nice! Just remember; we all have the same ultimate goal, which is to sell our work. Everyone has their own opinion and is entitled to it.
Any subject that pertains to why this script sold or is professional level is acceptable for discussion so long as we remain focused on one area at a time. Other than that, it’s an open discussion. Participants are encouraged to offer their thoughts or insights on each subject.
The first subject of discussion is the main character. Who is it? When/How is he or she introduced? Let’s discuss the character’s story arc. It’s okay to discuss other characters as they relate to the main character but we are looking primarily at the main character’s motivation and how they drive the story.
Have fun and enjoy. Let’s all work together and learn something that will help us personally improve as writers.
Maybe you’re the only human in a world of robots -- haha.
I know it feels that way sometimes. The Script Club is still very new. Order is still rising from the chaos. If it’s too relaxed, it scatters in every direction. If it’s too confined, it feels…well…confined.
If there are no rules, people feel it needs clear goals. If everything is set forth and laid out, it seems restrictive. It’s all part of the growth process.
We all write and we all try and help each other out. But very little time has been spent here studying professional scripts; really examining as a group what makes them pro level. I believe this will not only help us become better writers but it will help us better help each other. It’ll help us give better, more practical advice, when we review each other’s work.
If we want to sell our work, then Hollywood (or whoever else produces films) is our desired customer. We have to look at what they buy and why they buy it. To some degree, like it or not, we have to cater to the customer.
I sincerely believe that once Script Club finds its footing, it will be one of the most valuable assets here at the site.
I'd say the main character is Drew. He's the one who goes through the most change and even the title says 'I want to f____ your sister'.
A lot of people will connect with Drew - maybe, not the lifestyle as such - but definately the looking out for his sister part. I think that is a very marketable idea and reveals a lot of insecurities in himself. Such as, is his fear of Mandy not being able to cope in the big city really a reflection of his own ability to cope?
Mandy's obviously a major character too, but I'd say she's the antagonist. She's the element that gets thrown into Drew's life to create the change. But as we're discussing the main character I'll leave off her.
Alright, having read the script awhile back, I think I'm comfortable enough to jump right in with just a little bit of refresher skimming.
To the questions at hand - Who is the main character, how are they introduced, what's their character arc, and what makes them so likeable and investment worthy.
The title of main character definitely falls into Drew's hands. It's his sister that everyone wants to F___ after all. It's only logical.
Drew's introduction is one of a generally flakey person. Okay, maybe not flakey, but somebody who has their priorities a little out of whack. He was supposed to pick up Mandy at the train station, but we find out after she's robbed that he's out entertaining potential clients at Scores and basically establishing himself as against marriage. He eventually closes the deal and we cut to later where Drew is still totally oblivious, at least until a co-worker points out his error.
During this time we also learn about Drew's rule over "Intern Bingo" and his feud with Davis Baker, which escalates when Drew gets yelled at by his boss for a ridiculous expense report and informed that if he can't close a deal, Davis will get a shot at it. This occurs at almost the exact same time that Drew discovers that Mandy is the center square in intern bingo.
I thought this was pretty interesting way to go about things, almost as if it's piling on since two very important aspects of Drew's life (work and family) are in upheaval.
Drew's character arc is pretty straightforward in that he starts off as a womanizer, going so far as to try and hook up with Mandy's friend Laurel, eventually succeeding about a third through the script. But as the script goes on, Drew starts to become a little less occupied with his own sex life, and more focused on his sister's, mainly that it stays non-existent. He's totally protective of her, and does what he can to keep her "safe" with pretty disastrous results.
A feud eventually breaks otu between them when Drew tells Davis that Mandy has balls, and she sets out to find the perfect person to "date" and piss him off. This is where Aarjev, the convenience store owner/clerk comes into the story a little more heavily. We learned prior that he was not the greatest of friends with Drew, and ends up being the perfect foil. Drew has also been so tied up with protecting Mandy, that he's started to let his work responsibilities slip, which is another part of his character arc. Drew's life eventually starts to crumble around him when he thinks that Mandy is sleeping with Jameson and confronts him about it, but as it turns out, Mandy has really been dating Aarjev, sort of. He doesn't make a move on her. Is he nervous, or really in the friend zone. He does admit that he likes her, but it's to Drew and he's quickly shot down by him for not being "good enough" and told that Mandy simply used him.
Drew has shot himself in the foot once again, and goes a step further when he tells Mandy a not so true version of what had happened the night before.
Then, it would appear that Drew totally hits bottom. During somewhat of a moment with Laurel, he appears that he just can't commit saying nothing and everything at the same time, and minutes later confronting Jameson for dating Mandy, which is totally untrue and makes a huge scene that eventually costs Drew his job and embarrasses Mandy enough that she decides to go back home with her parents.
The curve has reached it's valley at around page 95 and it's on the upswing from here on it with Drew, and with a kickstart from Laurel, sets things right not only between him and her, but with him and Mandy, Mandy and Aarjev, and Jameson.
Drew works as a character because he's got an issue that anyone with a younger (and worse yet, hot) sister can attest to. He has to be in protective mode, quite a bit. Now, this is a film we're talking about so things have to be elevated to the Nth degree, but at it's core this is a pretty common problem for a lot of guys. And the fact that when we first meet him, he's leading the kind of life many guys would like to have, only to have it crumble due to his protectiveness, well, you can't help but sympathize.
As the script rolls on, we start to get a little more in touch with the character, knowing that he really does care for Mandy and it's not just him being a fun killer. He really wants what's best for her, which is made clear when he reconciles with Aarjev, who despite being much lower on the social scale is the best fit for her. And then with Laurel, he has his troubles in the beginning, but that eventually works itself out as Drew grows more as a person.
I don't think somebody with money looked at the page and said "That's a character that needs to be on the screen!", but I do think somebody looked at the inner workings of the story itself and that this poor bastard goes through something that millions of others go through. It's a universal plight of brothers everywhere. Something that people can easily identify with, and something that people will go to see, whther they're the protective brother or the protected sister.
I'm going on and on and on here, and I'm sure I've gone off track a couple times, so I'll just leave this as it is for now.
By chance, if you haven't read this yet, and you need the word spoiler then:
SPOILER!!!! SPOILER! SPOILER!!!!
I'm into the first 30 pages of this and I must say, it's not going to be hard to follow the rules on this one and heap praise upon this script-- about all of the things it's doing RIGHT!!!
Whereas there may have been groans in Countdown, I will be interested to look back on this thread after I get my own views out on the boards without getting swayed (again, I'm not going to read anything here until I get down my initial impressions).
***You might want to ignore the following and scroll down to the header on character, but these were my initial impressions on the first 30 pages.
General Impressions
The prototypes of the doting parents at the beginning of this are a wonderful way to begin as we see Mandy leaving behind childhood for the big city and whatever might lie in store for her.
No time is wasted in finding this out. And the big city reveals itself in a Jamaican Guy who makes off with a couple of her bags in a clever little incident keeping us entertained until we find out what the story is all about. It hooks us even before the hook with conflict and the unexpected.
We leave Mandy and her friend Laurel for awhile to establish "The World".
That world that Mandy is entering into is clearly defined by the sleazy, but rich lifestyle of her brother, Drew and by pages 5/6, we're being shown the "mixing business with pleasure" angle that Drew plays so well. He comes out of this scene on top of his game: eating shrimp and drinking champagne.
Again, no time is wasted in this party however because it's here that we learn about "the intern bingo game" thereby we are moving along and establishing the set up. By the end of page 9, the foreshadowed difficulties between Drew and Davis hits us as Drew's arrogance in the "girl getting game" is demonstrated when he x's Davis' bingo card on the one girl he missed. Davis is introduced before page 10 and so it's clear he's not straggling in as a late comer.
From pages 10-20 we get to see the relationship between Mandy and Drew and enjoy their characters. Also, we see Mandy's impact on Drew's scuzzy apartment.
As we move into page 20, we're there!!! Wall Street and we're solidly into that feel of excitement that Mandy has for it all.
Now we're really getting into it. The story is rising. On page 22, when Mandy strolls in and Drew realizes that his sister is getting ogled by "the tired and jaded" suits who've been around the block too many times, we're there!!! Where? Well, maybe not quite... We're very close to the key incident which I think happens two thirds down page #25 where Davis draws an X in the air at Drew and we all know what that means!!! It sums up the premise: This story is about X's. Well, okay, maybe not X's, but you know what I mean-- and that's the title isn't it.
So we've got a story about two guys who want the same thing (to win at bingo) and a girl who hasn't learned yet "what" it is all her "fans" want-- but she naively believes it's her brother, looking out for her. Te-he-he!!!
But what else? We've got the complication and personal dramatic need of Drew: beyond his manly drives, and still part of the set up, even before what I deem to be the key incident, is part of the initiating incident (pg 24) where Landon, his boss says:
"I know. I've got bills to prove it. Look... you're my best guy. But this is the last bender that I can push through. Close Jameson, or Davis is gonna get a shot at him."
Clearly, the heat is on Drew to get the big business deal and as mentioned: His x. While Davis has the same problems doesn't he? But he doesn't stand to lose this "big fish" account.
What we've got is a classic challenge scenario and Mandy so far, is in the dark to all of this. Interesting!!! What will she do when she finds out that she's part of a game? Might she fall for Davis? Will Drew ever turn a new leaf? Will he get the Jameson account? What about Laurel? We've got lots of questions-- yes indeedee and they need to be answered. So yes! The writer's done a fine job in the set up!
MAIN CHARACTER
The main character is Drew. He's finely tuned in his attitude toward his rich and sleazy lifestyle. He's funny and likeable even if he is loose with himself and has an inflated opinion of himself.
I think his character development will come from his protection of his sister-- when he's on a different side of things, but we'll see.
The writer definitely follows the scene advice of: Come in late and leave early.
Drew has something to learn. We can feel it and that's one of the reasons it makes his character appealing.
I'm going to leave this for now. I've got more I'd like to add regarding the dialogue, but I'm going to give it a break for now.
I just finished reading the first 40 pages, so tired i will finish it later tonight.
But there is something to say. I definitely like Drew's character till now, the script is funny.
I'd say Act I finishes on page 23 when all the guys stare at Mandy in the slow motion scene. I think that's the time when Drew acknowledges that her sister can be a "victim" and he knows those looks on the others face.
I'm into the first 30 pages…these were my initial impressions on the first 30 pages.
You do realize that breaking a rule automatically volunteers you to lead the next Script Club?
Hey everyone,
The thing about who is the main character was really just a conversation starter. I think the main character is obviously Drew. Although I have to say, Mandy often competed for the role. To me, they were both sort of main characters. This is really a story about the brother and sister relationship.
But yes, Drew is the main character and the story focuses more on his end of the relationship.
First off, I’ll say that overall I really like the story. And I think it’s the perfect script for this particular exercise. I think it has a lot of its components laid out in such a way as to make it easy for us to study as a group. It has a lot of ingredients of a standard rom-com but I think being focused on a brother/sister relationship added a little freshness to it.
I didn’t mention the premise as an initial subject and I think that’s something to discuss here early on as well. The premise of a brother who plays the field, basically treating women as though they’re insignificant sex toys, only to realize that technically his sister falls into that same category when it comes to his guy friends and co-workers, is nothing new. However, a lot of times that premise is sort of a throwaway joke. (Who’s that hot chick? Hey man, that’s my sister!)
What we have here is a little bit deeper of an exploration into that. (Hey, that really is my sister and I don’t really want anything to happen to her.)
Starting right off the top; something interesting that I noted is that we have the introduction of Mandy on page 1. (I love her parents by the way.)
Drew’s introduction occurs on page 5. We know there’s an impending tension between these two because Drew forgot to pick Mandy up.
But the actual first meeting doesn’t happen until the top of page 11. Exactly on page 10, we see that drew has just realized he’s forgotten Mandy and now is in a rush. This forces the reader to read past page 10. Even though the actual initial meeting between Drew and Mandy was somewhat anticlimactic, it was still structured more for the purpose of stringing the reader along than actually wowing them.
I noticed that all throughout the script, the action was often structured more for the purpose of luring the reader from page to page.
For a time, I thought Mandy was going to be reduced to a mere object. In the early stages, after she began working as an intern, when all the guys were drooling over her, it seemed as though her character was going to be reduced. From page 1 it seemed as though Mandy were the main character. It’s almost as if her character was temporarily reduced to make room to establish Drew more as the main character.
But specifically regarding Drew:
The initial setup is rather simple. He’s the party guy; a Wall Street hot shot who likes to spend money and close deals, with strippers as much as clients. Women and sex are just part of the daily routine.
Then of course his sister becomes an item on the menu and now our hero is thrown into a crisis. It’s not a crisis of conscience initially. At first, it’s purely visceral. His gut reaction is to keep those horny bastards off his sister.
Then he finally attempts to just “put his foot down.” (I love the veto -- haha. And the “Man-Law.”)
Over time he descends almost into obsession. Maybe the “almost” shouldn’t be there. He goes from brotherly to almost fatherly protectiveness. Again, maybe the “almost” shouldn’t be there.
The next step is to go from protection to outright trying to control his sister’s life. This proves his undoing. He loses his job and costs his sister an important job.
This is where our hero falls. He’s lost his job. He loses his sister. He loses all control. It’s reflected by the apartment returning to its messy disheveled state. But this time it’s different. It’s not the apartment of a man who is too busy living the high life to clean his apartment. He’s there. He’s not going out anymore. He’s not cleaning it, or shaving, or taking care of himself, because he’s essentially hit rock bottom. He hasn’t just lost the new life he’s formed with his sister; he’s lost the old life. He’s passed the point of no return. He can’t go back to the way it was before.
Now it’s time for our hero to be redeemed. He corrects his behavior mostly through the use of apologies. He apologizes to his sister. And he apologizes to Jameson. His apology to his sister had some genuinely touching moments and the apology to Jameson was sufficiently grandstand enough for a finale. It was on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange and it had some funny moments with Jameson’s sisters.
I thought Drew had a fairly standard story arc, almost what you might call “textbook.” That’s one of the reasons I really think this was a really good script to study. It’s good to see the way someone took “the rules” so to speak and fit the story into them.
I pretty much agree with Mike totally about the main character as far as appeal. He wasn’t the sort of character about whom I could see some executive saying to himself, “This guy should be on screen.” Drew is initially a character I’ve seen a thousand times. I saw the story more as a sort of gimmick initially. But when you read the script, I think it has enough substance and clever little touches to make it work.
How successful it might be depends. I could see this as having a sort of Meet The Parents kind of appeal if done properly. Or it could just be another date movie that gets lost in the shuffle. I think at the very least if people don’t have high hopes, they’ll be pleasantly surprised and if they have higher hopes (high for this type of movie), they’ll leave satisfied.
I’m excited to hear the thoughts of others.
By the way; did anyone think of me when you got to the sexual harassment training scene?
I’m teasing with you. I just don’t want a bunch of “I started this” posts. I know it’s hard to resist. You start reading. You have something to say. I understand. But it’s also nice to look at the script as a whole.
Don’t worry about it. Although you will of course have to be tickle tortured.
The thing about who is the main character was really just a conversation starter. I think the main character is obviously Drew. Although I have to say, Mandy often competed for the role. To me, they were both sort of main characters. This is really a story about the brother and sister relationship.
Yeah, I totally agree with that Breanne. At times the roles reverse and Drew is the foil for Mandy. Overall though yeah, due to who changes the most, who has the most to lose and the title - the main character is definately Drew.
I liked also how alot of the end scenes were mirror images of the beginning.
Mandy saving Drew from getting run over. The big speech at the end pretty much being the opposite of his speech regarding intern bingo.
I agree with the whole 'text book' comment too. I didn't do any page counting as far as act breaks and the like go, but I'm pretty sure they were where we are advised to have them -- it certainly felt right. Pacing was really good.
Personally, this isn't a film I would be excited about seeing. Just I think it's been done many, many times before and better. But there is the original premise of brother protecting sister. I think that's the main reason it got picked up and although it doesn't interest me too much it has got a big target audience.
Did anyone else think the Drew/Aarjev relationship was more friendly rivalry than outright dislike? I think it was Drew's comment about how much he digged his latte after we first meet Aarjev. I always felt there was a mutual respect thing going on there.
Does anyone know how far into production this is. Just curious, with the current financial crisis on Wall Street this may not be something that would play well in theaters...
But the actual first meeting doesn’t happen until the top of page 11...This forces the reader to read past page 10...it was still structured more for the purpose of stringing the reader along...
This is the comment I was going to make if I did not see it first.
For those of you still reading, look at how many of the scenes are little cliffhangers in themselves -- drawing you forward.
Also, notice the tight, active writing. I actually started looking for "ing" words in the descriptive passages -- and really had to search to find them.
And just look at all the asides to the reader. Does it detract from the reading? Are they "unfilmable?" No, I say! Not in the least -- it is about tone and feeling -- and I think the actors will know just what to do with those passages.
I am really starting to detect the smell of taint around that particular "rule".
This was not quite as dirty as the title would lead you to think. But then, most of those really rude comedies do end up going for the heartwarming thing in the end, so Ebert can say, "it was surprisingly touching."
The writer understood that, and she nailed it in many places. This one has the recent comedy "formula" grafted into its DNA, for sure.
But it does work on the page -- and as Brea points out, it is designed to draw you forward into the story, turning pages.
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Script Club V: I Want To _____ Your Sister
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