Quoted from Scar Tissue Films ???? I was backing you up. Not sure what you have taken offence to.

I’m sorry if I took your post wrong.

Your initial post made no mention of anything specifically regarding the script. Your post seemed to be based entirely on past posts and seemed to have nothing directly to do with this particular script. Which was bad enough. But then you started talking about rules. It looked to me as though you wanted to get into a debate like the one from the breaking the rules thread.

If that wasn't your intention, then I apologize. If you want to participate, you’re more than welcome.


Breanne

Quoted from Breanne Mattson So what do the people who’ve participated think about this Script Club?

I love it.  I wish I had more time to devote to reading and contributing.  I'm a slow reader because I have never liked reading -- have only read maybe 6 novels in my life.  It's a struggle. But I appreciate the time and energy writers devote to their craft and their creations.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson Or was it too restrictive? Too focused on the positive? Too serious?

The Script Club is very insightful.  Studying a "pro script" is helpful because we can see how a good writer skates the edges of style and formatting; at the same time, delivering a good story and solid dialogue.  I love the way the so-called pros work the Reader.  

Quoted from Breanne Mattson I guess I don’t make a very good hostess. I bet if everything degenerated into goofing off, fighting, or bashing the script, we’d get plenty of people in here quickly.

You're probably correct.  Not the hostess part, but the goofing around.  I try to tiptoe around the tomfoolery and expend my limited energy on critiques.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson I’m disappointed there hasn’t been more participation. But I’m not surprised. I feel like all the worrying about two clubs at once was for nothing. I think the Script Club should just go back to doing Unproduced scripts from now on.

I can go either way, but I don't think you've failed.  I feel uplifted by the comments on this thread. The exploration of any script, with round-table discussion is what is vital to making SS a rounded, useful script-exchange community. Being OLDer, I appreciate the "serious" analysis of screenplays.  Not that old age has anything to do anything other than moving slower than s*** rolling up hill. Most every participant, I think, is doing a good job of stimulating thought, ideas and trading perspectives.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson So I’m pretty much done hostessing. I don’t think it’s necessary. I think people like messed up threads. So this one can just get messed up I guess..

Oh Nooo. Would it help if I show up earlier to the next party?  With a bottle of Cristal?

I was just responding to issues raised in the course of the discussion, particularly the question of why this script was picked up, and for decent money.

People, yourself included, were also discussing how they were going to change their writing style based on what they had read. I was merely pointing out that the writing style of most of the posters isn't necessarily the thing that is preventing them from selling their scripts to Hollywood.

The number one thing that will sell a script, is whether or not it is marketable.

Everyone is talking about the title of this film. It's probably going to make money regardless of whether or not it's any good.

Many script writers don't know how to market themselves or a script. Melissa Stack understands the game and the business. Shock tactics always work (even if they're only in the title).

Note down all the scripts on the black list and see which ones get made or bought for big money, and you'll see what Hollywood buys.

There just seems to be a discrepancy between what people write and what Hollywood buys for a lot of people. If people want to sell to Hollywood, then they need to understand the business side of things. They need to understand what the studios are specifically looking for and why.

Abe makes a great point about being able to see the poster of the film from the off. Don't underestimate how big a role the marketing guys play in the process. They struggle badly to work out how to market films that don't have a very specific genre. Bladerunner is perhaps the classic example of that.

All I'm trying to point out is that the lessons to be taken from this script are not solely to be found in the writing. There are wider issues.

In fact, the most pertinent thing about the script is that although it's well written, it's just not funny. Unless there are significant changes to the 2nd and 3rd Act it will make only a passable film at best, IMO.

Anyway, I'm going to stay out of all discussions on this site from now on. I just seem to antagonise people for some reason.

But I will point out that I believe that there are writers on this board who are capable of writing far better scripts than this.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson So what do the people who’ve participated think about this Script Club? There’s been a lot less participation this time. Is it too early? Do you think others will join in given a little more time? Or was it too restrictive? Too focused on the positive? Too serious? I guess I don’t make a very good hostess. I bet if everything degenerated into goofing off, fighting, or bashing the script, we’d get plenty of people in here quickly. I’m disappointed there hasn’t been more participation. But I’m not surprised. I feel like all the worrying about two clubs at once was for nothing. I think the Script Club should just go back to doing Unproduced scripts from now on. So I’m pretty much done hostessing. I don’t think it’s necessary. I think people like messed up threads. So this one can just get messed up I guess. Breanne

Breanne, don't be so hard on yourself. I have been reading this thread and it seems like you have done a fine job. In your original thread about this I did say I would have a go but nobody sent me a copy of the script, so I assumed I was probably still in the dog-house. For what it is worth I think you are on the right path, although Decadencefilms did have some good points to make above.

Don't give up so easy!

Quoted from Abe from LA Would it help if I show up earlier to the next party?  With a bottle of Cristal?

Abe, thanks for your whole post. I think I was suffering from stressed hostess syndrome -- haha. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films People, yourself included, were also discussing how they were going to change their writing style based on what they had read. I was merely pointing out that the writing style of most of the posters isn't necessarily the thing that is preventing them from selling their scripts to Hollywood.

I don’t know why you feel the need to point this out. Nobody here ever said that writing style was all you needed. It was just the subject of the time. I see ways to improve my own writing based on what I’ve learned. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making changes to improve yourself.

Quoted from Breanne The objective: to study a script that sold in Hollywood; to examine what made it sell; and to use it as a model to help give us a better understanding of how to improve our own work toward the goal of selling a script.

This is the objective of this discussion group. We’re open to discuss every aspect, from the premise to the marketing. And no one ever said otherwise.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Everyone is talking about the title of this film. It's probably going to make money regardless of whether or not it's any good.

The title was just the subject at the time.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Many script writers don't know how to market themselves or a script. Melissa Stack understands the game and the business. Shock tactics always work (even if they're only in the title).

I understand. No one ever said otherwise.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films There just seems to be a discrepancy between what people write and what Hollywood buys for a lot of people. If people want to sell to Hollywood, then they need to understand the business side of things. They need to understand what the studios are specifically looking for and why.

Agreed. That’s part of what we’re here to discuss. We can make that the next subject if you’d like.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films All I'm trying to point out is that the lessons to be taken from this script are not solely to be found in the writing. There are wider issues.

Again. No one ever said otherwise.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films I'm going to stay out of all discussions on this site from now on. I just seem to antagonise people for some reason.

It’s okay. It’s just that you seem to think just because we focus on one subject at a time we must think that’s all there is to it. The purpose of this discussion is to focus on each aspect and examine it in greater depth than what most people usually get the chance to do with a group.

You’re more than welcome to participate. We can turn the discussion to marketability if you’d like and that should smooth things over a bit.


Breanne

Quoted from Murphy In your original thread about this I did say I would have a go but nobody sent me a copy of the script, so I assumed I was probably still in the dog-house.

Well, I’m certainly sorry to hear that. You’re not in any doghouse that I know of. And I think for his failure to send you a copy Mike Shelton should be tied up and gagged with a lumberjack sock.

I can email you a copy. [Edit -- I sent you a copy. As far as I know, it went through.]


Breanne

Quoted from Grandma Bear Sandra, I prefer your description of Drew, but prefer the rest of the logline. "A Wall Street wonderboy goes to great lengths to protect his younger sister from guys just like him"

I think the Wall Street wonderboy adds more power to the story line.
Wall Street is a testerone-driven playground. Money is power and power and sex is a potent mix.
I didn't think the orignial logline was all that great, but it was still clear enough for anybody to understand. Clear enough to hook a reader. And why is this? Because MS's story premise is (as somebody mentioned) Simple. Brother protects sister from guys like him -- Easy to pitch.
And hollywood execs love the quick, easy to understand one-sentence logline.

       A Hollywood type might next ask: Is the sister, you know, a Virgin?
       Let's just say her toes have never pointed to heaven.

No need to explain what's going on in the story.  All the energy is directed to the endless comedic possibilities.  It only gets better for the writer.

This was my concern about Dreamscale's  "Fade to White" and his/our inability to nail the logline. If it reads like the instructions to assembling a car engine or is watered down to mask the twists , it doesn't matter if Jeff thinks he's got the next great Hitchcockian murder mystery. There are too many unproduced scripts floating around for a hollywood type to blow out brains cells needlessly on loglines.
Some preach writing the logline before the script. If you know your logline, "you know your idea and you know where the script is going."  KISS.

Breanne,

Let people finish reading. Plus i think when is a fight going on, people like to take sides. I see the script clubs as a very helpful thread. Personally, i will try my best and participate in most of them.

About the script we're discussing here, i think the script is not like those "BIG" ones, but is a fresh new take on the comedy, portraying the relationship between brother and sister. As i have mentioned earlier in my previous posts, consider 40 Years Old Virgin.

Both of these scripts have a new take on the comedy, and to me it looks marketable. So, i guess we need to come up with new takes on our scripts.

Quoted from Abe from LA A Hollywood type might next ask: Is the sister, you know, a Virgin?

Actually I feel like the sister’s “chastity” is implied in the logline with the word “protect.”

Quoted from Breanne Actually I feel like the sister’s “chastity” is implied in the logline with the word “protect.”

Point taken.

Quoted from NiK About the script we're discussing here, i think the script is not like those "BIG" ones, but is a fresh new take on the comedy, portraying the relationship between brother and sister. As i have mentioned earlier in my previous posts, consider 40 Years Old Virgin.

The teen/20-something market is incredibly fertile and as I mentioned before, this script is an ideal vehicle for some rising stars.
What a hook.  It's a variation on the fish out of the water tale, only the fish is in his own element.  Actually it's more like role reversal.
This is a low-risk investment for an executive.  If the film fails, and I don't think it will if properly cast and directed, he did his job.  The old addage is true, it's better to lose $150 million with Tom Cruise than $5 million with Steve Guttenberg.
That's why I would pony up the bucks for this script.  
Sure it has glitches and holes, but that can be fixed.  Stack will do another draft or two and if she doesn't cut it, they will bring in another writer.  Priority One is to secure the project.

I'm surprised somebody didn't jump on this script sooner.  The irony is that I wouldn't spend $5 to see this film.  HA.

Breanne I think you're doing a great job hosting.  About the only thing that I would change about your hosting is that you are quite self-deprecating at times.  Have some confidence!

Decadence people disagree - you know that - no reason not to contribute because of it, as a matter of fact if you have a differing opinion that is a good reason to contribute.  I'm happy to see you join in the Script Club discussions (even if I might disagree with you).

Abe from LA good to see you here too.

Yep, definitely learned lots from reading this script.  I very much learned what I would not write - I'd be more likely to write something like Countdown than this.  I would never have read this script though if it wasn't for this thread.   I think there's still more to discuss about this script but I'm confused as to what we are discussing atm.  

If it's marketability, then I could see this film being marketable.  Not to my age group - I wouldn't even rent this on a DVD.  But to 20 somethings, maybe.  I think though it will need a bit more development before it is made.  

To me it seems to want to be a romantic comedy but it never quite makes it there.  I bet who ever takes this on will focus a bit more on the relationship between Drew and Laurel.  I wouldn't be surprised if Laurel ends up in the Denouement.

But I'm not supposed to suggest how to improve this.  So someone asked earlier, I think it was Abe (who name isn't really Abe),  how would we cast.  I thought about this while I was reading and realized I was totally hopeless with 20-something actors.  But what I think will happen is that they will probably pick up some of the 20-somethings from TV shows.  This is a perfect vehicle for them.   Maybe Hayden Panettiere as sis, Matthew Fox as bro though he might be a bit old.   I'm sure there are other combinations but this is the first that came to mind for me.

Anyway, off to have some tea.

  

Just a quick response, without alot of mush around it.

Quoted from Brea on September 26, 2008 This is for the discussion of the pro script I Want To _____ Your Sister.

It has barely been five days.  In the past, the script has been announced, and discussion begins about a week later.

Your disappointment in the thread is ill-placed, Brea -- but future "Script Club" threads should probably return to that template.  

Sorry for not participating here, but I haven't finished the script yet, and won't get a chance until at least tomorrow.  People jumped all in so fast that by the time I started reading, there were already over 50 posts, and I was too far behind.

If things are still kicking in here tomorrow, I'll jump in.

Hi all:

Sorry about yesterday.

I was just upset yesterday because I saw this thread, which I consider to have a very important goal, which has almost everything to do with why we’re here at this site, dragging while another thread, which has almost no importance, which has almost nothing to do with why we’re here at this site, getting pounded with posts.

It made me feel that perhaps there simply wasn’t enough interest in this thread. And of course I wanted to find out why.

Sorry if I haven’t given people enough time. I get excited and want to get things accomplished. I’ve got some experience with organizing clubs or helping organize community events. There’s so much to get done that if you don’t have a “get things done” attitude, you’ll get swallowed alive. Sometimes people would think I was a bit…well…bossy -- haha. I thought perhaps I was coming off as too controlling and running people off.

About the subject:

There are those who haven’t read yet, so I think it’s okay to move to the subject of marketability. That covers the beginning with premise, etc, to the end with selling. This will allow people just joining to sort of merge into conversation with people already engaged.

So do you think the author contrived the premise? That is to say; do you think she laid out the criteria for a salable script and conscientiously tried to meet it? Did she say to herself; “Hmm. I need a premise that involves young people, sex, partying,….?”


Breanne

Quoted from Breanne Mattson So do you think the author contrived the premise? That is to say; do you think she laid out the criteria for a salable script and conscientiously tried to meet it? Did she say to herself; “Hmm. I need a premise that involves young people, sex, partying,….?”

Meaning she thought of those three things first and then fabricated the story around that?  I would say probably not.  There isn't enough sex and partying in here for me to buy into that.