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An interesting challenge Max. I think the short answer is that there is no best way and that there is nothing especially wrong with starting each action line with the character name. The problem is that it can become tedious - dull. Dave does this..Dave does that, etc can start to drone.
I look for opportunities with any action with sound to flip the sequence. e.g.,
DAVE is startled by a GUNSHOT
can just as easily be:
BANG - a gunshot startles Dave.
So look for action you have that has sound in it and see if it works if you flip it.
The same goes for anyone or anything that comes into a scene. e.g.,
Not quite sure you understood my post. It had nothing to do with the genre of the script.
Yeah but you ain't getting many bangs, and massive audio in a drama really. My script is really contained, it's conversation only really, not much coming and going.
Good topic, Max. Rarely mentioned when it should be.
Whilst it could be argued that on the screen Max did this, Max did that etc would be the same, the reality is that we have to be read first. As such we have to keep the reader engaged and also BELIEVE in us as writers. So, to me, part of what we are doing is trying to persuade the reader that the story is good because we are good. Supposedly.
There probably have been many great ideas lost in crap writing and format etc
I also do like dustin, sort of! I write the first draft and then later I fine tune. This can mean a reworking the action lines to vary the order. I try to avoid line after line with He, she or the name. Breaking it up is often easy. Also, sometime connect them to make a longer sentence so that you avoid extra he, she etc
Re the ly words - I'm less bothered by these now, and you will se a fair few in Alice. But the challenge is to use them when it works, when it conveys a message. I do agree that if you can avoid them, and it reads well, then do so.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Good topic, Max. Rarely mentioned when it should be.
Whilst it could be argued that on the screen Max did this, Max did that etc would be the same, the reality is that we have to be read first. As such we have to keep the reader engaged and also BELIEVE in us as writers. So, to me, part of what we are doing is trying to persuade the reader that the story is good because we are good. Supposedly.
There probably have been many great ideas lost in crap writing and format etc
I also do like dustin, sort of! I write the first draft and then later I fine tune. This can mean a reworking the action lines to vary the order. I try to avoid line after line with He, she or the name. Breaking it up is often easy. Also, sometime connect them to make a longer sentence so that you avoid extra he, she etc
Re the ly words - I'm less bothered by these now, and you will se a fair few in Alice. But the challenge is to use them when it works, when it conveys a message. I do agree that if you can avoid them, and it reads well, then do so.
Cheers
Nice of you to pop in Reef
Yeah, I see what you mean, the editing process will be quite enjoyable if I can iron all the little kinks out with the action lines ect.
It's only a few, but it's good to learn how to write the same thing in different ways.
What's the best way to improve sentence structure? Anyone else got any tips?
Yeah in regard to ly adverbs I use them all the time. Just as Reef said, be careful when you do. I learned that from writing prose, but it works just as well with screenplays... they do say that in every novel you should only see one 'ly' adverb every two pages or so. However, it is possible to write without them altogether.
I never heard that sentences starting with a character's name or he/she should be avoided. Really? They talk about ly/ing words, orphans and whatever... but never that. Thanks for the alert! Although I'm confused as to why - never bothered me.