I knew I saw your picture (the one of your avatar) somewhere in Variety when it happened. That little pig as you call him was in fact Babe's little brother. That's why they stop the series after the second Babe's movie. He couldn't bare it anymore.

Michel

Mon ami, worst than a child death in an accident, is to see a black-white little waiter trying to stab a young girl on playground!

Since you helped me find a template for Word I thought I'd read up on your script. My review will be short and sweet because of my reviewing skills.

To be honest, it was a little confusing. I kind of get the gist of it, but it is still making me think harder. So, the boy fishing was killed? Not Billy? That's what I can conclude. Anways, back to the review.

You have some grammar issues, but I take that English is not your first language so no big deal.

There is one other thing. How does Anne seem to incredulous? You can only write what can be seen and heard. The audience won't know that she is being incredulous unless she is acting some sort of way.

Overall it was okay. Good luck on your next script.

Thanks for the reading.

Maybe the word incredulous did'nt show how much she was astonished in that moment. Maybe it is like this: Anne is astonished. So you can figure out how she was when saw the car crashed on the rocks.

Sure, Bill wasn't killed, but the other boy fishing.

Anyway, thanks for your time on my script.

By the way, there is another script very confuse that  you may want to read...Don't worry it is very short!

BACK TO SHAWSHANK

SPOILERS!

Hey Helio, another very interesting story. It's very tragic but still quite good. The end was a real surprise - something I didn't think of could happen. But I think you should develop it a bit more. For instance, when they find the crashed car down, you might mention some blood or some sign that offers to the parents that someone is dead below. Then the flashback can reinforce it and the scene might make it powerful. Hope this helps.

Gabriel

Thanks Grabriel. I appreciated your sugestion. I'll keep it in mind, okay?

Helio,

First thing I will say is that you have to add to your opening scene description.  The first problem I had was trying to figure out who TONY and BILLY were.  I also had no idea which was playing with the puppet.

Same thing with ANNE, when she comes in to 'meet Carl' you can afford to write a Film Scene Action line before her first on-screen dialog.

Why is Carl addressing Billy with the line 'I know Billy...?'  Billy hadn't said anything previously.

Definitely an abrupt ending.  Quite a downer, but you're right accidents do happen.  What I don't understand is who the real main character was.  It was set up like it was Carl, but he didn't encounter any obstacles or accomplish an objective.  It's not as much of a story as a single scene as some others have suggested.

-Bob

-Bob

Thanks Bob I appreciated your reading.

You are right about what you pointed out. The child that was mentioned was Billy and Carl adresses the line to Tony instead Billy. Sorry.