Quoted from Dreamscale I don't know, Sean...how does he remember how to walk?  How to talk?  How to brush his teeth? I don't think losing your memory means you can't do things that come naturally to you. I don't mean to argue, though.  Just wanted to bring up a few things.  All vampires are different, anyways.  You know, some fly, some crawl.  Some look like cadavers, others like rock stars.  It's up to the writer. Whatever you choose is fine.

That was also in the dialogue. He can remember everything until he was bitten/became a vampire.

I have no problem with us being different. It gives us something to talk about. =)

Zack and Sean,

just read this while at work. I agree with Jeff here and also what Ste brought up about Van's inconsistent character.

I know what you were trying to do with this script and I admire that. Having a dark character piece where the character goes from confusion to paranoia to fear and so on. I like stuff like that, but it's really hard to pull off. Every move, every gesture the character makes and every word has to matter a lot! What you're really trying to do is take what goes on inside his head and show it to us visually. IMHO, what you did wrong here is showing us a bunch of stuff that David does that doesn't matter to the story at all. You have almost the first page David waking up and brushing his teeth. That does not move the story forward and is also dull to watch for a minute. It's almost 10% of this film...  He checks his watch. You show us what time it is. I took that as important to the story and paid attention to it, but it turns out it didn't matter to the story at all. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, the idea is fine, but you have to make everything matter in the script for us to want to watch and find it interesting and intriguing.

Btw, who wrote the phone # in blood on the door and why and who's blood was it?

Check how many times you have sentences that start with "He".

How lovely? Is that a guy talking?

Hope this is of some help. I have a hard time explaining what I mean sometimes. Especially in text.  

Thanks for reading, Pia.

Yeag, Van was kind of inconsistent, wasn't he? What can I say?

Yes, it's slow and some of it's unimportant. Brushing his teeth, the act, was unimportant, but it brought him to the phone number. Checking the time wasn't important but the time on the watch meant that at that point, the sun was in the sky right outside his front door (in other words, he's trapped in there).

As for the blood, the why and the who,you can assume but does it really matter who did it, in the end? For all we know, David could've written it and it could've been his phone that Van had. But, it wouldn't change the story as it's shown.

Yeah, I know. I had it usually alternate between David and he, but I was told that David was wasted space.

Yep. I say that every now and then when I like to mess people up on the phone, change my speech pattern. Van probably did it for fun.

Yes, it was, Pia You explained it just fine. Once again, how lovely of you to read this. =)

-Sean

Hey guys,

Why does Van waste his time playing with the guy? He could have killed him. I remember a story written in that perspective but the author and the title escape me at the moment. You should look at it since it could probably help you with this.

Why does the number have to be in the bathroom? It could be found in the same room where David is sleeping in.

You ahve two options with this script. Either make it short or long.

Gabe

So every 24 hrs. a vamps memory is rebooted. Interesting take. May help them deal wih the guilt. At the same time, though, they would again have to learn that the sun burns them, they hunger for human blood, crosses repell them. Everyday? Wouldn't be much a survival for vamps if they couldn't learn from their mistakes IMO.

I agree with above review... I would've thought Van would've just killed him. I don't get why he wants to make him suffer, then say a prayer for his soul after he dies. That doesn't sound like a man of god.

Other then that I was interested and found it fresh. A decent short that has alot of potential.

This vampire gave in way too easily.  I just don't believe he would willingly walk into sunlight and kill himself.  It seems once he realized he was a vampire, he would understand he had certain powers.  He should have invited Van and his boys to come in and kill him, if they dare.  So, it was a pretty uninspired ending.

As Jeff mentioned earlier,  way too much gabbing going on.  And, I'm still not sure why the guy was there in the motel and why Van had him sedated the whole time.  Why not just kill him in the first place?

In your phone conversations, the unseen person should have a V.O. next to his name, not an O.S.  O.S. implies that the character is in the same physical location, but is just offscreen.

Good luck with the rewrites.