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I Want To Hold Your Rotting Hand by Steve McDonell (stevie) - Short, Comedy - In February, 1964, the Beatles made their first visit to the U.S.A. However, the history books didn't mention the zombie outbreak that occurred that same week...24 pages - pdf, format
Ha, always wondered how The Beatles would go about handling a zombie outbreak, your everyday scenario, just as I expected. I thought this was really funny, I love how its all handled so calmly, you had some really funny lines in there and I liked how you had the regular fans and zombie fans almost as if there wasn't a difference, funny stuff. I think it'd be funny if you added a scene with the apple scruffs, a nod to them at least. This would make a cool feature, it's already pretty long for a short, could be a lot of fun for avid Beatles fans. Anyways, good stuff, fun quick read!
I'm going to have to disagree with the others; I didn't like this at all. It was a one joke script and the joke got old write away. The Beatles' humor was there but, IMHO, it was overdone. You made them sound like a bunch of starving comedians.
You need to show a little more urgency in this script, given the situation, and less of the one-liners.
thnaks guys, i didn't realise it was up! I started this back at xmas, when I was reading The Bay and Solium. I sorta lost the inspiration and let it slip till the other week.
Look, I know people are probably sick of my whole Beatles thing and using them like this. i promise this will be the last sort of spoof one like this. I'll still have refs to them in features and stuff(when valid). once I get th eidea for a script like this, it has to be written.
Kev and Shawn, glad you got a laugh out of it - i had some fun writing it.
Phil, i understand completely what you're saying - the joke does wear thin and it is proabably a bit long. Cheers for the read!
Nice work here. I'm not a Beatles fan but zombies are always fun. There's some funny lines in here and I chuckled at a good few of them.
However, I do think it would be much funnier if they didn't actually know about the zombie outbreak until they landed. You could be more creative with the zombie kills instead of the sword taking heads off like you have here. Think Ringo impaling a zombie's eye with one of his drum sticks or something. You get what I mean... with them coming prepared with swords, it took some of the fun out of it. There reactions would also be funnier if they weren't expecting zombies, they would think American fans are totally crazy.
Your writing was fine. I had to double check one line... "She slumps forward as the zombie lets her go. The sword whistles over her to take off the zombie's head. Paul wields the sword this time." The way that was written, I thought someone had thrown the sword , not someone swinging it.
Anyway, funny stuff here, and like the others have said, potential for a feature if you go about it the right way. Well done!
Hi Brian, thnaks for the read and comments! Glad you got a laugh.
Yeah, I think I did toy with the idea of the zombie outbreak being unknown till the lads rock up. but i was keen to use the zombies in their classic press conferences. some good ideas you make about Ringo's sticks, I like that!.
Look, this was really just an idea i had - i don't know if it would have the legs to work as a feature. I dunno, i'll look at it in a few months maybe.
Am really enjoying publicity Whore- hope to finish it this weekend - although i am really sick today with the flu!!
I enjoy the concept. It would be nice to see a little more story to it. I think it would be interesting to see some zombies fighting to get to their show. I think there was too much reporter stuff happening. Exploring different ways you could take this would help.
Thanks Shawn! Man, i was so sick yesterday. Feel better today but a bit weak still.
hi Sandra! You know, even though this was just a throw-away piece I did on an impulse, some of the comments have made me think about it more. Maybe I could do it as a doco type feature, soert of like the Rutles, but with the zombie theme throughout. I could certainly have some fun changing the album titles!
Sorry. I was just singing Satisfication by Sir Michael of the Jagger and Keef "feck off ya puff" of the Richards.
Good song. Very. Na Nah Nananah nananana nah nah.
Anyway. Before I start apologising for not reviewing Headlong again. As well as some others. I'll just get on wiv it like. Knowarra min loike?
Now. Or then. Sick? I lost a tenner last week. That made very ill. But not as annoyed as I was with that fecking bete noire a few hours ago. Where am I? Oh yes...
Oh shite. Someone at door. I'll be back wiv edit loike.
EDIT: Back. Now forwards. Well. I just seen an ad about credit. Will they gimme any? I doubt it. And who can blame them?
Then now...
Interesting title. Na Nah Nananah.
No date? Shoelie same mustang?
Is there an apostrophe is Beatles? There's more than one of em int there. I dunno. Can get complicated with organisations or bands.
Aye? Lennon? No!
Personally I'd say John's sentences need a bit more instant thoughts, if you no worra mean. He rarely spoke full sentences constantly. He did a lot of self correction. And was constantly aware of what people would interpret his words as.
In other words, I think you have JL speaking in a way that doesn't ring true to me. Now. I may be wrong Stevie. Not first time etc. But I listen to Lennon interviews a lot. I can't recall him speaking the way you have him. In a movie maybe. But this isn't a regular Beatles movie. This has zombies in it for a start.
What's the cracken round here? Someone taking the mick? Fair enough. You think they could make it funny though.
Now then. I'll be back later. Hope you're feeling better. Or getting felt.
Nice title. I liked the ending with that other Birtish band and the nod to Peter Best in the closing line. I liked the Hohner buzz saw also. The zombie granny was a nice touch but it felt out of place. The lads were a tad annoying as it got close to the end.
Couldn't Paul have said "Let it be" somewhere? Or George say "Something in the way Z moves?" I know these references were before after the time period of the story. You were probably fighting the urge to put these in anyhow.
Hey Stevie. I remember you mentioning you wanted to write a zombie script a while back and I think you were definitely able to spin it to your advantage.
Believe it or not, I used to be almost as big a Beatles fan as you are. That was long ago before I discovered metal. Anyway, you can't be a diehard Beatles' fan without watching a couple movies, right? It's been a while but I still feel somewhat familiar with the Beatles' cinematic personas. I think you got it right at times with their deadpan humor and ability to remain unfazed at all times. I don't think violence really suits them though. By that I mean I can't really see them hacking zombies left and right. They seem more like peaceful Marx bros. types (and I know the Marx bros. were an influence to them, at least with Help!). Same goes for the chainsaw guitar. Just seems way out of place. Frankly, I don't think they were ready for that stuff in the 60s.
The grandma and the helicopter pilot, on the other hand, fit in perfectly. I think this is the kind of oddball humor you should try to exploit. I did appreciate some of the liberties you've taken with the "classic" zombie, what with them talking and such like in ROTLD. So yeah. I think you should stick with what you know and try to make this more Beatles-esque. That's what I enjoyed the most here. The Evil Dead influence just doesn't seem to mix well in this context.
Gary, yeah, your song titles are great! It was sort of hard changing the ones I used - the early Beatle song titles were pretty basic and hard to 'zombie' up. Pete Best? Hmm, wasn't thinking of him at all! I just used Ringo being a zombie as a good way to end it. The Stones thing came at the last minute - i was reading Bill Wyman's autobiog at the time. Cheers again!
James, if you were nearly as big a Beatle freak as me you must've been as crazy as me!! Good stuff! Yeah, the violence i stuck in early (I tried to make it funny as well as gory sort of) You notice later on they don't kill any zombies, maybe cos there's too many. I did write this over a few months so it might be disjointed. i tried to base the beatles on their movie persona, especially A Hard Days Night - sort of ironic as it hadn't been filmed at the time of this visit! The chainsaw guitar was a piss take of the ads of the time. Cheers again for your comments!!
I think this is a fantastic idea but I don't think you hit the mark with this script. And it's not your writing it the approach to the story, so don't get me wrong, there's some really fun moments in here - like the chainsaw guitar - but overall I expected much more from this than it delivered.
It could be my expectations were too high, I expected Help with zombies because IMHO that what this should be.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and tell you how I think this should unfold...I usually don't do this because I think writers should write what they believe is the best story for what they intended to say...but since this is sacred public territory I think I will break my own rules this once.
This story should start with the plane flight - no zombie outbreak - and as the Beatles prepare for their first tour a zombie outbreak happens. One of the zombie girls falls for Paul and when he rebukes her for her looks - she does everything in her power to try to make Paul a zombie so he will love her do. The rest of the Beatles step in to foil the zombie plans to recruit Paul, mostly because they need Paul for vocals. Except they ultimately fail and Paul is dead (get it). They manage to get him back and through a series of restraints try to get him to perform with them. As they go through their repertoire they discover that Paul is not responsive to any of the songs until they get to All My Loving. Then they are captured by the zombies and brought to the Ed Sullivan television station where they are forced by the Zombie Ed to perform on television. They perform All My Loving and all the zombies go a bit crazy and are cured. They're heroes only a surprise visit from gov't agent Elvis tells us the whole things going to be covered up. The end.
Hi Michael. Thanks for the read(and the Skype discussions). That's a pretty far out plot you suggest - I sort of like it. Maybe I could use it if I develop this concept further, and have a doco type feature. Getting back to our chat, would you be able to do this as a machinima? I mean, use your story? The funny bits would be more visual than dialogue I guess. Could be interesting...
Monday, May 10 2010, 5:50am EDT By Simon Reynolds, Movies Editor
The Beatles will be portrayed as zombies in new horror movie Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion, says Deadline.
Doubles Features producers Michael Shamberg and Stacey Sher have snapped up the screen rights to Alan Goldsher's illustrated novel, which tells the history of the Fab Four as if they were zombies.
The book finds an undead John Lennon killing then re-animating Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr. The group travel the world performing and face off against zombie hunter Mick Jagger and a ninja Yoko Ono.
"I am a huge Beatles fan like the rest of the world and Alan's mash-up, which really showcases his love of music history and his appreciation of the zombie world, is a fun, funny read," said Sher.
"The illustrations are fantastic, and how can you not love a book where Jesus agrees with Zombie John Lennon, that The Beatles are in fact bigger than him."
Last week it was revealed that former Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher will produce The Longest Cocktail Party, which charts the Liverpool group's career at the end of the '60s and the formation of their Apple company.
I've often imagined The Boys as many things. They did attempt to do Lord of the Rings. Thankfully they knew when to stop fecking about.
But. Zombies. Nah. I reckon if you could ask John what he thought of the idea he'd consider it it then tell you to fuck off. Where is my guitar? Thanks.
Just my opinion. Others are available I believe.
Other thought: If Macca thought there was good money to be made he would make himself available. George wouldn't. Ringo might.
She loves you,
Yeah yeah yeah.
Let it be. Speaking words of wisdom. But who is? I like The Who. They rock baby. Hard.
As more of a Beatles fan than the much over saturated "Zomedy" genre, your logline caught my attention, plus I usually like what you put up here.
For me, this worked in parts, hit and miss, unfortunately as the story progressed I felt it being the latter more than the former. In terms of the actual writing from a technical standpoint this was pretty solid, a couple of typos here and there but nothing major. The dialogue was entertaining at times but I found that the running joke became more and more ragged as it went on. Frankly, I couldn't see it having the legs for a feature unless you introduced a more meaty storyline as opposed to just following the four guys around, dodging zombies left and right on their way to fulfilling their Ed Sullivan appearance.
I laughed at the Cleveland bashing and the alternate takes of popular Beatles songs geared towards the burgeoning zombie market, witty stuff. I also appreciated how you worked in the whole zombie horror element into an actual historical event which was the fab four's first American live performance all those years ago, the dig at Elvis didn't go unnoticed either.
Overall though, I just felt the script became tired and repetitive as the story essentially replayed the same scene out over and over again, just in different locations. A good concept that I feel needs a better story to compliment its vision.
Yeah, I guess the gag does wear thin a bit. It was written fairly spontaneously, as is a lot of my shorts. I did have some concepts going that could make it a feature length - a doco type thing, with the whole history of the Beatles as zombies,etc. But the story above sort of deflated that idea.
Hey, how's this? My mate won a trip to the World Cup! He gets to see 2 games - Portugal v Korea and England v Slovenia. Awesome!
Cheers again Col, and don't hesitate to send any stuff u want read over. stevie
Aw c'mon on Stevie. can't you just leave those poor fab four boys alone. the shit you've put them through with your scripts.
Some of the jokes fall flat such as the banter between the boys. But you make up for this weakness with your crazy ass ideas that you play out in your own illogical, zany and nutty style. Don't ever take that away as it is your own unique writing voice.
NZ filmmaker Peter Jackson is a mega Beatles nutbag and I reckon if he was making films in the 60's this is the sort of movie he would've made with the Beatles.
The only thing I have to grumble about is the missed oppurtunity with the boy and the guitar chainsaw. Near the end you should've had the Beatles swamped by Zombies then out of nowhere the boy carves through the zombies and rescues the beatles- or dies in his attempt.
But yeah great stuff. So, what is next? Dump the fab four on the Jurrasic park island?
Hi Glen, good to hear from you! Hope you and family are well.
Yeah, thanks for the read and comments, appreciate it. This was inspired by the zombie SS scripts i was reading around Xmas.
Not sure what the next Beatles send up might be! They usually pop up from nowhere!
Cheers stevie
PS- great idea with the boy and the chainsaw guitar! I wrote the first half months before I finished it. Looking back now, it would've been a good ending.
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