SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 19th, 2024, 2:03am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  The Cleaner - Produced
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    The Cleaner - Produced  (currently 2575 views)
Don
Posted: July 14th, 2017, 4:07pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Cleaner by Rene Claveau - Short, Comedy - A bodyguard walks in on the cleaner hired to dispose of his client's body. 6 pages

production: Ultra-low budget - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work


+++++++++++++

The Cleaner from WhiteRock Productions on Vimeo.





Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  April 15th, 2019, 12:34pm
added new version
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Warren
Posted: August 3rd, 2017, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3897
Posts Per Day
1.37
Hi Rene,

This is well written and formatted.

Story wise I didn't think there was really a lot going on. The jokes felt forced.

I agree that it is ultra-low budget and would be easy to film but would it really be that interesting to watch?

It is essentially a job interview with no real punch or twist.

Good luck with it.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 15
stevemiles
Posted: August 16th, 2017, 1:48pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
745
Posts Per Day
0.16
Rene,

Like the set-up.  A darkly comic situation and dead-pan delivery that I could see a couple of comic actors having fun with.  Thought the ending would carry more punch or a twist than it did - fell flat for me.  Perhaps more amusing on-screen with the music backing it up..?

Is it important we know where the breakfast bar is in relation to the room?  It’s a niggle, but for the life of me that opening visual doesn’t quite click.

Steve


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 15
Simon
Posted: August 27th, 2017, 7:22am Report to Moderator
New


English, self taught comedy writer

Location
London
Posts
175
Posts Per Day
0.05
Your script was entertaining, and you managed to make a dark subject lighthearted, which I liked. You started off really badly on your title page though, as a space should be under 'by'. Not a great first impression, lol. Maybe you could think of something to make your story more unique.


Please visit and like/follow my Unsubscribe fan page https://www.facebook.com/The-Unsubscribe-Tribe-157356154842321/
.... or my Twitter page https://twitter.com/TheUnsubTribe (Ideally follow both).  I will return the favour. Also, check out the Unsubscribe trailer... :O :O :O https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kDbJm1VhSI
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 15
ReneC
Posted: July 4th, 2018, 9:11am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Vancouver, BC
Posts
1435
Posts Per Day
0.32
I'm very happy to announce that this script has been filmed! Check it out:

Cleaners


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 15
Don
Posted: July 5th, 2018, 9:52am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 15
eldave1
Posted: July 5th, 2018, 10:10am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95
Nice, mate.

Acting was great.

The back and forth camera angles were a bit distracting.

Good on ya. Congrats


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 15
Zack
Posted: July 7th, 2018, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4479
Posts Per Day
0.69
Hey Rene,

Loved the short film. Very well done. Congrats on getting this one produced.

~Zack~
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 15
Grandma Bear
Posted: July 8th, 2018, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7959
Posts Per Day
1.36
Congrats!

I'm glad they had subtitles, lol! At first I thought it was something wrong with my hearing.  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 15
Philostrate
Posted: July 16th, 2018, 1:14pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
341
Posts Per Day
0.15
Yes, thank god for the subtitles!

Congrats, Rene! The actors were great.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 15
Pale Yellow
Posted: July 17th, 2018, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
2083
Posts Per Day
1.41
Super duper congrats Rene!!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 15
ReneC
Posted: April 15th, 2019, 12:05pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Vancouver, BC
Posts
1435
Posts Per Day
0.32
So, this short was filmed again with a North American crew, and it just went public in an online film festival. It's amazing to see how the same source material can end up so wildly different.

The Cleaner



Revision History (1 edits)
ReneC  -  April 15th, 2019, 3:23pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 11 - 15
Grandma Bear
Posted: April 15th, 2019, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7959
Posts Per Day
1.36
Congrats! I think I like this one better than the first one. I don't think I've read the script, just watched the films, but I imagine the script must have been fun.  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 15
LC
Posted: April 15th, 2019, 8:22pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7569
Posts Per Day
1.34
Good going! I like both versions - very different.

Didn't like the ending (not in your script) the filmmakers added to the latest. The comedic version sits better with me but I suppose that's personal preference.

Must feel good being in demand.
It's a really enjoyable script (just read it). A pity those Queen royalties would cost so much. Got that song in my head now. Pictured it, loved it!


Logged
Private Message Reply: 13 - 15
ReneC
Posted: April 15th, 2019, 9:58pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Vancouver, BC
Posts
1435
Posts Per Day
0.32
I'm just happy to be a part of people getting things made. I was fascinated with this being done twice though, that's a rare opportunity and I'm stoked by it.

Whatever music I throw into a script, I expect to settle for whatever the rights & clearances people can swing with the budget. It's just to convey my intent, not a plot point.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 14 - 15
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006