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Food Chain by Gary and Stephen (gm giles and stebrown) writing as: Mac 'n Cheese - Short, Sci Fi - A family man goes to great lengths to put food on the table and solves the food shortage. But for who? 15 pages - pdf, format
I enjoyed it very much, and I think this pair should work together more often. I don't want to give away the story, but I do want to say that you kept my interest. I thought it was a garden, and was surprised to find out otherwise. The ending was pretty good, too. Had me thinking of The Gremlins and I also liked the reference to one of our writers scripts.
Very, very nice.
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
I really enjoyed this script. Usually, when I start reading OWC scripts, it takes a couple of scripts before I find something I really like.
I didn't think you expressed the food shortage urgency enough. Some more emphasis would be good. While onions aren't a food source, themselves, you could mention that these ones have some nutritional value.
I also had a problem with the Bruce Willis references. The name was only brought up in dialogue once; the rest was in narrative description. If this was produced, as is, moviegoers would hear his name and go, "Say what?" and never have it explained to him.
The Springstein reference was a bozo-nono.
Over all, though, this was a very good script, something I'd like to see rewritten and elaborated on.
I thought this one worked pretty well, and I enjoyed how you jumped around over the course of time with the flashbacks and what not. Thought they were used pretty well here.
I didn't have any issues with the Springsteen or Bruce Willis references, but the Alien one through me a bit. Granted, I think it was somewhat warranted in what you wanted to accomplish, but I couldn't get the image of those aliens out of my head, even after you described them as they should be.
Good script, and a nice way to start my reading for this challenge.
Oh, and thanks for the nod. I just hope I don't have to wait that long for it to actually be played in a theater.
I liked this. I thought it was easy to follow and it was pretty good sci fi (though I'm not certain that the science part all pans out). The beginning had touches of 2001. I thought the characters were quite well done.
I had an issue with the idea of a comet being stable enough to drive a vehicle on or there being a cave with anything in it on the comet. A comets surface changes as it nears the sun. Also, the idea of something growing or something living on a comet and attacking Dan was very far fetched. Furthermore how would anyone discover it. Much better if you set it on Mars or even Europa.
The other problem I had was the Alien popping out of Dan's stomach. I thought that was well too Alien. Put on your creative hat and think of another way.
I liked this script, but found a couple things that could have/should have been tied together better.
When Rachel tells her husband that they are coming...the screen goes black...and then Dan (her husband) has the thing coming out of him...it should have been the same thing with her since they all got sick from the same thing.
I DID like the ending...as I didn't see it coming. Reminds me a little of Cornetto's "Deamon Beach."
It should be tightened up and cleaned up...even though we had two weeks to do it...that should always be a priority in my book...after all we are writers.
I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.
When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.
MBCgirl =) My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
i didn't read this properly first up but have now. tops! i was a little put off early by the detail and tecnie space talk but as it unfolded it was ok. the formatting is good apart from the odd spelling error. the ending is greta and gives that bit of humour required. well done!
I kinda liked this one in some ways, and I thought the beginning was pretty good. There were some mistakes that took away from teh read. I did not like the all the pop culture references. I also do not undersatand teh ending at all, and feel it took away from waht was pretty good up until then. The alien references were what put this over to the wrong side for me,a dn I think it's inexcusable with the bursting from the stomach routine, whcih has been done to death now.
Kinda funny, cause the hubby and wife were so cutesy with each other, it reminded me of Danny and Carlie!!! So,, I liked their relationship for sur.
All in all...uhhh...not bad, but lose teh alien stuff as well as the ending, and it's not bad at all.
I liked this one and I thought it fit the theme and genre pretty well. It was well written and easy to follow eventhough it does jump back and forth in time. I also liked the song references, I know that its a big no no, but I dun care. Plus it had a good ending....Can't wait to see that movie too, I thought it was cute how you through that in there....lol. anyways good job on this one.
Well this didn't make any sense at all. Space onions? What is all that about? My Gran could write better and she is 89, arthritic and dead! No, no, no this will not do at all. Bruce Willis? Bruce Springsteen? Two Bruce's don't make a right and this was just shite. Worst one yet, sorry.
Well this didn't make any sense at all. Space onions? What is all that about? My Gran could write better and she is 89, arthritic and dead! No, no, no this will not do at all. Bruce Willis? Bruce Springsteen? Two Bruce's don't make a right and this was just shite. Worst one yet, sorry.
I agree entirely! Well said Gary, someone had to be honest.
That was really fun to read. I read one other script from this challenge about pills and it was just a little too corny and poorly written. I always miss these challenges because I don't check this site enough but I'd love to participate in the future. Granted, my script will resemble the pills one far more than it will this, but practice is how you get there.