Tokyo Bank Robbery by David Hofmann - Short, Action/Adventure - Three unemployed Tokyo Residents robb a Bank to extend their World of Warcraft Game Time 6 pages - pdf, format

With a name like David Hofmann, I would think that writing English might be second nature, not like it was your second language. Maybe it's a spoof, like a bad language dub flick? So, instead of language, it's writing?

No, not sure what you're going for. Real or spoof, it's a miss for me.

An abomination.
A shit splatter on the walls of a pediatricians office.
A waste of time.
Format completely ignored.
No effort.
Lack of virtue.

All of these things and more came to me while reading this 6 page master piece here... Like the above, I don't know if this is just something you wanted to toss up to waste people's time with. Toss up to waste your own time reading why people thought it was a waste of time or just simply because you thought this was worth while material...

I don't know.  I have not 1 clue as to why you would think this is acceptable.  I hate when I read a script like this because It's an insult to everyone who's an active member here... Scripts like this are why the quality to quantity ratio is out of whack... You knew what you wrote and you knew it was going to suck, but you posted it anyways.  Not to get help or insight, because there's too many mistakes here to even try to set you straight.

I've never seen a script from you. I've never seen you on the boards and this is probably another case of "guy" thinking he's funny or cute and slapping up nonsense to get a rise out of everyone... Well, in that you have succeeded.  If only they had a full time position with your talents open for employment.

Don't waste your time on this one, folks.

That's a shame Baltis cause this short had a cool logline. But I trust your judgement and will just keep on walking.  

This has to be a joke. Like someone created a fake account and sent in this script for a laugh. I can't imagine anyone could write something so horrendous unless it was done on purpose.

On the positive side though, I'm sure that Martin Sanders will be able to get you around $50 000 for this gem!

Cheers,
Tim.

If this person speaks Japanese and is not fluent in English, this type of speaking would be what you would expect.

This could be a spoof piece, but there is every possibility that this was an attempt by this writer to externalize an inner monologue into English and had a hard time doing so.

I read it and it needs a lot of work. If it is an attempt to piss people off, then you are at the wrong website.

If you are trying to write and having a hard time with your Asian / English conversion, keep writing. It will hopefully come to you.

Shawn.....><

Yup, can't finish this one after page 1.

What is INT. PLANNING?

Don't need synopsis in the script. No punctuation at all. Weird sentence structure. Wrong capitalization and character introduction, etc.

Sorry, keep trying.

This is obviously a joke, no question about it.  Trouble is it doesn't really come off as funny and actually comes off a bit racist...though I'm sure that isn't the intention.  

My recommendation is to not try to make the characters sound like your impression of bad Japanese dubbing but merely to write their dialogue normally and make a NOTE up top saying that all lines are spoken as bad Japanese dubbing.

This will serve two purposes.  One, it will clue the reader in on what you are intending to do.  Two, it will make for an easier reading experience.

I think somebody took a Japanese script and ran it through google translate. Pretty funny - in itself.