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What is men's obsession with describing female character's hair length, color, and texture? I will never understand that. What if the actress is completely diff from that description then what? It has nothing to do with the story.
She stretches her tanned legs, strokes the nipples of her small breasts while watching Sam get her head blown away.
I don't even understand the point of the sex scene?
This is so vulgar. lol
This is so crazy and....like for real? Is this skinamax?
What does "get her head blown away" mean? No clue.
Well..not really sure what to say on this one. Although the writing was competent, even assured, it was also hard to follow, and for some reason, just not an easy read. I had trouble visualizing exactly what was going on.
The dialogue seemed to be alright, but for some reason, it didn't come off as believable.
The whole plot and story didn't seem realistic, either, but again, I'm at a loss for really why.
The ending for me was a let down, with the Hannibal Lector angle, but I can see how some may really appreciate this.
It's a solid effort, but just not for me.
To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Hmm, well I liked the psychological horror part of this and there's a decent idea behind it but once it veered off into cannibalism and Lecter being her father? I started scanning at that point.
Sometimes less is more, if you get what I mean.
50/50 on the dialogue, in other words hit and miss. I appreciate you wrote it with genuine sincerity and the characters, though they could do with a bit more meat on their bones (sorry 'bout the pun) were not caricatures.
I had to read it twice because I missed some things. Maybe it's because I'm not a lesbian, but if they invited her into their sexcapades, wouldn't they just be asking for trouble, especially if she's their roommate? I could possibly see something like that working if the other woman didn't live with them.
I don't have any problem with dark stories, but unfortunately I wasn't a fan of this one. Sorry :s
The gory line, or story line was not of my taste. It didn't go down well, but I did a quick second scan and it read better. I was thinking that you could escalate the tension, before the final cut, with Rosie pushing for Susanna's removal. And Sam making the tough but inevitable call. Just a thought. Well written in many ways, but so grim that I had to stop reading on first try. The Hannibal closer was was okay, and did tie up why all of that letter-writing was necessary. I initially thought she was writing as some form of self-therapy.
“her inherited psychological craftsmanship?” no clue, guess I’ll find out.
“a longish piece of skin” – have to imagine there was a better way of writing this.
Nitpick – this goes for almost all sex scenes… no dialogue. We already know she’s screaming in ecstasy, the generic “oh fuck. Yes, Yes” dialogue is just corny and unnecessary.
So far this is exactly what I WASN’T hoping for from this contest. Every woman who read about this contest probably immediately had the same thought – “I bet these men just write some kind of lesbian fantasy.” I’m no SJW, “fake fan of the Ghostbusters reboot just because I feel I’m supposed to be,” but come on, do we need nipple stroking, “clit, wet, crotch, juice” ???
“I was sixteen when I stopped eating cocks.” I’m bailing. That line doesn't even ring natural from the most vulgar female character imaginable.
There may very well be an awesome horror twist in this script, but the writing is just lazy to me. It would have been easy for every dude her to write like this. “All females? Shit, I’ll just write a lesbian porn.” Maybe I’m being too hard on you – I probably am – but I just don’t feel like reading this.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -I have a single credit on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have almost made $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)
The beginning of this script really felt it belonged in the world of French Extremity (i.e. Inside, High Tension, etc), but then it quickly spun out into generic torture porn, in my opinion. Also, the Hannibal gag at the end made me groan.
I agree with a previous reviewer, I never like it when characters' physical characteristics are described in detail unless it will integral to the plot later. I'd leave that to the casting director.
Most of the dialogue didn't feel real to me, specifically the "eating cocks" line.
I feel the real meat and potatoes of the story would have been more about the internal struggle for power in the threesome relationship, which you hint at, but instead you spent more time on the shock value of the gore.
Also, I didn't buy the Sam character suddenly becoming so traumatized that she becomes near catatonic.
Yep, that was pretty dark. Am i on a list somewhere after reading that?? Only joking.
Look, positives are you've got your visualisations down well, almost too well in this instance (due to the subject matter). I couldn't see any formatting issues, but maybe that's because I was too distracted by what was going on in the piece. Maybe that's the point?
Anyway, it was a horror, and I'm truly horrified. You've got the writing down, but the subject matter was just too much for myself.
This didn't work for me either. I was totally lost. I think you also mixed up the characters at the beginning because it seems like you have the crazy chick in bed with Sam while the other plays with herself.
I don't know. I was lost. The beginning with the flesh thing doesn't hold any meaning.
Sorry, but, this just didn't work. It was very cliched