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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Screams Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Screams  (currently 1902 views)
Don
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 8:25pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Screams by Anthony Russo (ajrscreenworks) - Short, Drama - A tortured physician receives a last chance at redemption. 6 pages - pdf, format


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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dogglebe
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
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SPOILER SPACE, KIND OF....

You held onto the secret of Emily's condition as if you were trying for a big surprise, and it fell kind of flat to me.  It didn't seem real; not of it.  AIDS is something that eats away at the victim, taking away one function after another.  All that you've shown us is that Emily screams a lot.  I wasn't convinced.  Maybe you never saw anyone die of AIDS; I know know.  But I think that Emily got off very easily here.  And so did her father.


Phil
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ajr
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 9:13pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read Phil - I just wanted to let everyone know that like Pia, this was written, from concept to final word, in about 5 hours, for the producer that was looking for a script set in a hospital.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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RayW
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
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Howdy, Anthony

Although this style of disjointed scenes and events escapes me (I'll admit to being a boring and lame story traditionalist) I do see that there is either a fad rush of these or you're at the vanguard of the next generation of cinematic style.



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ajr
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 9:58pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read, Ray - and I like that vanguard one.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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Eric2nimrod
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 11:08pm Report to Moderator
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It's strange, usually I love reading mixed up storylines like this, but when I got to the twist I kinda dropped. It was like such a lame excuse for such odd behavior, I'm not saying it was a bad story because of your choice of disease, but  I think it would've been better to use a more rare, but just as fatal disease. It's like you built it up so much, that the twist failed to exceed expectations.

All in all it was okay, I won't say great and I won't say lame, but it was okay.

Anyways good luck with your next project.


We're all just a couple of space monkeys.
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sniper
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 2:12am Report to Moderator
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Hey Anthony,

For something planned and put together in 5 hours, I thought this script was good. I was particular impressed with the way you structured the scenes - it was really not hard to follow. Alas, as others have mentioned, the payoff (if that's the right word) fell somewhat short of the goal posts. Could easily be fixed and turned into a really good emotional story though.

Overall, good job.

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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ajr
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 5:41am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read Eric.

Thanks to you too Snipe - and as you know, the producer wanted a day's shoot, so we were confined to 5 or 6 pages. As for the end, I went where the "Angel of Mercy" took me, so to speak.

He did contact me after reading this and said he was "stunned" that I could come with something so "gripping" in a short amount of time, but that he felt with the time frame he had alloted he couldn't do justice to the mood, the lighting (or lack of), etc. - in other words, that he'd be making "A film" instead of the film I wrote.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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dogglebe
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 6:53am Report to Moderator
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For a five hour script, this was a good one.


Phil

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dogglebe  -  August 12th, 2010, 10:18am
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screenrider
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 10:07am Report to Moderator
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Anthony,

I read this over at Circalit so there's no need for me to comment on it here.  I'm more curious as to what's up with Grand Avenue?    Word in the street is you're close to getting it greenlit.  

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dogglebe  -  August 12th, 2010, 10:19am
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ajr
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 11:14am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from screenrider

I'm more curious as to what's up with Grand Avenue?    Word in the street is you're close to getting it greenlit.  


Wow, funny you should ask, Mike - I wonder where you may have heard that?  

I asked Don to take the thread down because I have agency representation for it now. We're doing a budget and a business plan, and while we'll continue to shop it to the parties that have it as well as new ones, in all likelihood we'll produce it ourselves. We have a director and attachments so hopefully we'll be able to attract funding.





Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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screenrider
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 11:23am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ajr


Wow, funny you should ask, Mike - I wonder where you may have heard that?  

I asked Don to take the thread down because I have agency representation for it now. We're doing a budget and a business plan, and while we'll continue to shop it to the parties that have it as well as new ones, in all likelihood we'll produce it ourselves. We have a director and attachments so hopefully we'll be able to attract funding.


Glad to hear it, Anthony.   Don't forget the little people.  

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ajr
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 11:26am Report to Moderator
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Yeah, but you're not little, so I can forget you...



Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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screenrider
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 11:37am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ajr
Yeah, but you're not little, so I can forget you...



I resent that. >

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ajr
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 11:39am Report to Moderator
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Hey, I said it with a smiley face which means it's all good!

Okay, enough of hijacking my own thread...


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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