Interesting take on the challenge. If this is phone text message maybe you could do it like we're looking at an iphone screen, with those little bubble message things? But if it's an internet chat site this works as is.

Dialogue could maybe use some tightening, but the twist is solid.

Good effort.

Writer,

I'm noticing a few scripts with the unknown caller, or in this case, texter, premise. This one works the best I think, but what started out as very intriguing fell into something formulaic and not as creative as I would have hoped it'd be. I give you decent marks here, but this is a story that could have been a lot better, and something I'd like to see revisited when the challenge ends. Good work.

Steve

Very interesting idea here. The dialogue is great, it has a point, it has a twist ending that works, and all by text message. Fantastic job.

My nitpicks are that it doesn't seem like he gets this text out of the blue, it seems like he was almost expecting to be chatting with some stranger. Either way, make that clear. The name reveal is unfortunate because Lacie and Licet are close enough that I was stuck for a moment trying to reconcile what she was hinting at. It took a bit for me to go back to the beginning and see she did introduce herself as Lacie.

And...do people really text everything out anymore?   No misspelled words or shortcuts? Doesn't seem real.  

Seriously, just "shoot" this. It would be dead simple, animated texts and phone sound effects. Use a score if you feel it has to be there, but it would be interesting to see this played out as written.

Great job!

Excellent work.

This might be a little rough around the edges, but I like it. Classic revenge tale. Reminds me a little of The Ring. I wonder how this would read using a more traditional format. A time period might help, too. In my mind, this was happening during the '90s.

Shouldn't the ghost be more upset with the dead brother who was messing with the radio? Wasn't that the true root of the crash?

Thanks all for the notes!

This had a bunch of stops and starts cuz I wanted to do it as an iphone text message with creepy images at the end. But then I realized I had no idea how to do that. So I screwed around with a Word document for hours and this was the best I could come up with. Glad to see it worked for the most part.

I will definitely try to do something more with this one in the future.

Quoted from MarkItZero Thanks all for the notes! This had a bunch of stops and starts cuz I wanted to do it as an iphone text message with creepy images at the end. But then I realized I had no idea how to do that. So I screwed around with a Word document for hours and this was the best I could come up with. Glad to see it worked for the most part. I will definitely try to do something more with this one in the future.

Really creative and ambitious stuff here, James. Am definitely interested in seeing what you do with this in the future. And the idea of creepy images coming in at the end... That could be amazing if tou figure out a way to make it work.

This was one of two I marked as excellent. I love this and it would be very easy to produce. Well done, James.

Thanks, not letting this one gather dust like I always do and waste good notes.

Rest of this year is all about getting stuff done.