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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May, 2015 One Week Challenge  ›  Drop Zone - OWC
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  Author    Drop Zone - OWC  (currently 4942 views)
RKeller
Posted: October 20th, 2015, 12:04pm Report to Moderator
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Pg 1
Why so much description on the elevator?  Just "elevator" is fine.

Pg 2
He's in the elevator and NOW he choses to check the life-and-death calculations?  Dumb idea.

Pg 4
You have two speakers in the elevator.  We assume Rob is on the mobile phone speaker. (Rob's voice invades the elevator suggests through the elevator speaker)
So the ANNOUNCER is/was the VOICE.  This was an abrupt and unexplained transition.

Pg 5
Mark presses the red button (twice apparently: taps then presses) and nothing happens.
He yells his brother's name, the brakes stop the carriage.
Either this is deus ex machina or it needs a re-write.
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