|
Author |
Starlift - OWC (currently 3410 views) |
Don |
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 11:29am |
|
|
AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16417 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Starlift by Niemand Geist - Short, Science Fiction, Comedy - Ineptitude and a clash of personalities endanger the launch of the first space lift/elevator as supposedly English speaking astronauts try to work together and save the mission in this salute to those bad special effect shows of the 1970s. 11 apges - pdf, format |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
|
|
|
|
|
stevie |
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 4:10pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients
LocationDown Under Posts3441 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Started ready this but you have all these locations going on - big budget too - with no elevator yet. Really shouldn't have been allowed so will skip it
Sorry to be pedantic but it's early Monday morning and I'm tired. |
|
|
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 1 - 23 |
|
|
Iancou |
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 4:15pm |
|
|
New
LocationSoutheastern United States Posts159 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
Well, it was different. Kind of pushes the boundaries for taking place in/around an elevator, but technically is in the parameters. As for writing, it is quick and doesn't drag too much. Not much else to say. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 2 - 23 |
|
|
rendevous |
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 9:01pm |
|
|
Old Timer Away
LocationOver there. Posts2354 Posts Per Day 0.43 |
I think you'd blow the budget on the first page.
An ambitious idea. I think Athur C Clarke had it first though. Can't see many reading it all as it's way off the brief.
I can't say Wiggins sounds very Australian. His dialogue comes across as more Yorkshire than Down Under.
I did have this strange idea that astronauts are highly trained and intelligent. They're usually former test pilots who can remain calm in the most extreme circumstances. Yet here they're portrayed as joke telling xenophobes who'd be more at home in a pub. Or surfing.
I wanted to like it, as I often like silly, but it's a bit too silly, and too far away from the challenge. Sorry.
R |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 3 - 23 |
|
|
DanC |
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 1:11pm |
|
|
Old Timer Killing villains since 1980!
LocationBuffalo NY Posts1131 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Yeah, this is 100M and not bottle budget.
I just didn't care about what was going on. And on top of that, I find it improbable that they wouldn't have had a contingency for everything that could happen.
Sorry, this didn't work for me.
3/10
I did like the writing. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 4 - 23 |
|
|
AnthonyCawood |
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 1:26pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
I liked the interplay between the different English speaking charcters... but not entirely sure I agree with this fitting the parameters...
Afraid the action left me a litte cold though, just didn't do it for me.
Anthony |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 5 - 23 |
|
|
Dreamscale |
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 1:50pm |
|
|
Guest User
|
Doesn't appear to meet the requirements or even try to.
There's also a very goofy vibe running throughout,
Doesn't work for me in any way. I'm out on page 2. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 6 - 23 |
|
|
eldave1 |
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 6:24pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
IMO - not even close to the requirements. Sorry - I DQ'd it. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 7 - 23 |
|
|
Reef Dreamer |
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 8:59am |
|
|
Old Timer Part time writer
LocationThe Island of Jersey Posts2612 Posts Per Day 0.56 |
Well that was different.
I remember hearing about a space elevator on a investigation into graphene which is so strong it could happen, so they say.
I quite like the different language banter. Got potential.
Budget and concept wise, it doesn't really fit the bill, but I think you could take this lot and put them somewhere else, like an artic base and do something with them in a different story.
All the best |
| My scripts HERE
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 8 - 23 |
|
|
Jeremiah Johnson |
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 9:41am |
|
|
Posts317 Posts Per Day 0.07 |
Congrats on finishing!
Camera POV? I thought it was always the camera POV in a film script? You have Hiscock slurping TEA from a squeeze bottle. Why tea? I like tea but that detail is not necessary so just say liquid. Page 4 "voice DRONES on" what does this mean in a series of shots?
Well, budget for this might be kind of high but you never know. You kept the equipment in the 60s to 80s time frame so a quick trip to Goodwill would get most of your props. You could get some grad students to do the SFX work and you still might get this done. At first I didn't like the dialogue but got used to it and it had a Armageddon type style to the banter. You could combine a character or two and actually get this done. The elevator was the subject but not really filmed in it and really the idea was to keep it low budget - and you didn't - but somehow this grew on me. Ended up liking it. Didn't read the other comments so I might be in minority, but kind of liked it. Good luck. |
| My Scripts: SHORTS Bed Bugs I Got The Shaft No Clowning Around Fool's Gold Five Days for Redemption
TELEVISION Father, Forgive Me Sheriff of Nowhere |
|
|
|
Reply: 9 - 23 |
|
|
MarkRenshaw |
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 9:55am |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.58 |
The logline is a bit of a mouthful. Yeah that’s what she said lololol! Sorry.
I’ve read about these space elevators, or lunar lifts as they are known in ‘Blighty’. In theory they could work and I know there’s various plans to attempt to build one; it certainly would be an impressive feat if they do. I doubt this is low budget or even medium or high budget though…more like ludicrous budget. Technically this isn’t really about an Elevator as such either.
The banter seems mainly focused on different takes on English slang words. The problem is this detracts from the overall dialogue as it is brought up in nearly every sentence; it is overused.
I managed to get to the end but none of it really worked for me apart from the writing was crisp, clear and easy to follow.
Well done on entering and for taking a risk and trying to produce something quite different.
-Mark |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
|
|
|
Reply: 10 - 23 |
|
|
RichardR |
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 10:50am |
|
|
Posts889 Posts Per Day 0.26 |
I don't have a lot to say about this one. Straight forward although lacking the jargon that would tie all these different astronauts together. Because they would all use the same 'space' language. It's a pretty implausible accident in my mind. While accidents do happen, it would seem they would test of this one over and over again. But that's me.
Best Richard |
|
|
|
Reply: 11 - 23 |
|
|
Grandma Bear |
Posted: May 27th, 2015, 7:44am |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
I think you failed the elevator part of the challenge (yes, I do know about space elevators) and the lo-no budget thing as well, but you know what, I enjoyed your script very much. I thought it was fun and creative and kept me interested. Great writing on display too. I don't know what else to say. One of the most enjoyable scripts to read for me so far. Thanks for the fun. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 12 - 23 |
|
|
SAC |
Posted: May 28th, 2015, 12:24pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3207 Posts Per Day 0.78 |
Writer,
Yeah, you blew it on the parameters of this challenge, and you sent the budget soaring along with the space elevator payload straight to Mars. But you know what? Very enjoyable read, tongue in cheek kinda funny with some laugh out loud moments.
I can't help but think was Hiscock a reference to Hitchcock, or just a fun name to bounce off of Johnson when the two spoke to each other. Funny stuff.
Good luck with this!
Steve |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 13 - 23 |
|
|
paydirt |
Posted: May 28th, 2015, 2:45pm |
|
|
New
Locationbetween angeles & saints Posts8 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
The writing's decent, but I don't think the script follows the OWC's requirements of being in/near an elevator with a low budget. I also didn't notice any sluglines, maybe there was an issue with the PDF conversion, or on my end. Hiscock is an odd choice for a name:
Quoted Text The astronauts gather around Hiscock in stunned silence.
|
|
|
|
|
Reply: 14 - 23 |
|
|