SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 15th, 2021, 12:34pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
The April Challenge has been updated/clarified

to SimplyScripts.com/OWC


The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May, 2015 One Week Challenge  ›  Starlift - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Starlift - OWC  (currently 2846 views)
Don
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 12:29pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
14485
Posts Per Day
1.96
Starlift by Niemand Geist - Short, Science Fiction, Comedy - Ineptitude and a clash of personalities endanger the launch of the first space lift/elevator as supposedly English speaking astronauts try to work together and save the mission in this salute to those bad special effect shows of the 1970s. 11 apges - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at: facebook.com/UCanBeSafe/
-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
stevie
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Down Under
Posts
3436
Posts Per Day
0.76
Started ready this but you have all these locations going on - big budget too - with no elevator yet. Really shouldn't have been allowed so will skip it

Sorry to be pedantic but it's early Monday morning and I'm tired.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 23
Iancou
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Southeastern United States
Posts
159
Posts Per Day
0.06
Well, it was different. Kind of pushes the boundaries for taking place in/around an elevator, but technically is in the parameters. As for writing, it is quick and doesn't drag too much. Not much else to say.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 23
rendevous
Posted: May 24th, 2015, 10:01pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Away

Location
Over there.
Posts
2356
Posts Per Day
0.54
I think you'd blow the budget on the first page.

An ambitious idea. I think Athur C Clarke had it first though. Can't see many reading it all as it's way off the brief.

I can't say Wiggins sounds very Australian. His dialogue comes across as more Yorkshire than Down Under.

I did have this strange idea that astronauts are highly trained and intelligent. They're usually former test pilots who can remain calm in the most extreme circumstances. Yet here they're portrayed as joke telling xenophobes who'd be more at home in a pub. Or surfing.

I wanted to like it, as I often like silly, but it's a bit too silly, and too far away from the challenge. Sorry.

R


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 23
DanC
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 2:11pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Killing villains since 1980!

Location
Buffalo NY
Posts
1131
Posts Per Day
0.51
Yeah, this is 100M and not bottle budget.

I just didn't care about what was going on.  And on top of that, I find it improbable that they wouldn't have had a contingency for everything that could happen.

Sorry, this didn't work for me.

3/10

I did like the writing.


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 23
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 2:26pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
3532
Posts Per Day
1.30
I liked the interplay between the different English speaking charcters... but not entirely sure I agree with this fitting the parameters...

Afraid the action left me a litte cold though, just didn't do it for me.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 23
Dreamscale
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11456
Posts Per Day
2.35
Doesn't appear to meet the requirements or even try to.

There's also a very goofy vibe running throughout,

Doesn't work for me in any way.  I'm out on page 2.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 23
eldave1
Posted: May 25th, 2015, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6457
Posts Per Day
2.64
IMO - not even close to the requirements. Sorry - I DQ'd it.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 23
Reef Dreamer
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 9:59am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Part time writer

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2616
Posts Per Day
0.74
Well that was different.

I remember hearing about a space elevator on a investigation into graphene which is so strong it could happen, so they say.

I quite like the different language banter. Got potential.

Budget and concept wise, it doesn't really fit the bill, but I think you could take this lot and put them somewhere else, like an artic base and do something with them in a different story.

All the best


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 23
Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 10:41am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
319
Posts Per Day
0.10
Congrats on finishing!

Camera POV?  I thought it was always the camera POV in a film script?  You have Hiscock slurping TEA from a squeeze bottle.  Why tea?  I like tea but that detail is not necessary so just say liquid.  Page 4 "voice DRONES on" what does this mean in a series of shots?

Well, budget for this might be kind of high but you never know.  You kept the equipment in the 60s to 80s time frame so a quick trip to Goodwill would get most of your props.  You could get some grad students to do the SFX work and you still might get this done.  At first I didn't like the dialogue but got used to it and it had a Armageddon type style to the banter.  You could combine a character or two and actually get this done.  The elevator was the subject but not really filmed in it and really the idea was to keep it low budget - and you didn't - but somehow this grew on me.  Ended up liking it.  Didn't read the other comments so I might be in minority, but kind of liked it.  Good luck.


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 23
MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 10:55am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.68
The logline is a bit of a mouthful. Yeah that’s what she said lololol! Sorry.

I’ve read about these space elevators, or lunar lifts as they are known in ‘Blighty’. In theory they could work and I know there’s various plans to attempt to build one; it certainly would be an impressive feat if they do.  I doubt this is low budget or even medium or high budget though…more like ludicrous budget. Technically this isn’t really about an Elevator as such either.

The banter seems mainly focused on different takes on English slang words. The problem is this detracts from the overall dialogue as it is brought up in nearly every sentence; it is overused.

I managed to get to the end but none of it really worked for me apart from the writing was crisp, clear and easy to follow.

Well done on entering and for taking a risk and trying to produce something quite different.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 10 - 23
RichardR
Posted: May 26th, 2015, 11:50am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
903
Posts Per Day
0.38
I don't have a lot to say about this one.  Straight forward although lacking the jargon that would tie all these different astronauts together.  Because they would all use the same 'space' language.  It's a pretty implausible accident in my mind.  While accidents do happen, it would seem they would test of this one over and over again.  But that's me.  

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 23
Grandma Bear
Posted: May 27th, 2015, 8:44am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7308
Posts Per Day
1.52
I think you failed the elevator part of the challenge (yes, I do know about space elevators) and the lo-no budget thing as well, but you know what, I enjoyed your script very much. I thought it was fun and creative and kept me interested. Great writing on display too.

I don't know what else to say. One of the most enjoyable scripts to read for me so far. Thanks for the fun.  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 23
SteveClark
Posted: May 28th, 2015, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Cast Your Fate To The Wind

Location
Upstate NY
Posts
2406
Posts Per Day
0.80
Writer,

Yeah, you blew it on the parameters of this challenge, and you sent the budget soaring along with the space elevator payload straight to Mars. But you know what? Very enjoyable read, tongue in cheek kinda funny with some laugh out loud moments.

I can't help but think was Hiscock a reference to Hitchcock, or just a fun name to bounce off of Johnson when the two spoke to each other. Funny stuff.

Good luck with this!

Steve


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 23
paydirt
Posted: May 28th, 2015, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
between angeles & saints
Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00
The writing's decent, but I don't think the script follows the OWC's requirements of being in/near an elevator with a low budget.  

I also didn't notice any sluglines, maybe there was an issue with the PDF conversion, or on my end.

Hiscock is an odd choice for a name:

Quoted Text
The astronauts gather around Hiscock in stunned silence.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 23
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    May, 2015 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006