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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May, 2015 One Week Challenge  ›  The May 2015 OWC Writers' Choice.
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  Author    The May 2015 OWC Writers' Choice.   (currently 6211 views)
Don
Posted: June 7th, 2015, 9:13pm Report to Moderator
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The May 2015 OWC Writers' Choice.  

Voted on by other writers who participated in the challenge.  

The Writers' Choice has the option of receiving a crappy mug or bequeathing it (if he/she has already won one) to anyone who has not already been the recipient of a crappy mug. Anyone in the top five who has not already received a crappy mug will receive a crappy mug.  

Writers' Choices - Two

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice by Bill Sarre (reef dreamer) writing as Christine Beauchamp - Short, Drama - With the help of a new friend, Alice discovers a way to manage her difficult situation. 11 pages - pdf, format

Feels Like Falling by Eric Wall writing as Michelle O’Connell - Short, Drama - An elevator operator finds his simple job becoming much more complicated when he tries to talk one of his building's tenants out of an abusive relationship. 12 pages - pdf, format

Writers' Choices Runners Up

Fabrini by Henry Christner (stumpzian) writing as Ulysses Diello - Short, Drama - A hotel elevator operator in Washington, D.C., discovers an alignment of past and present. 7 pages - pdf, format

Fairytale by Anthony Cawood writing as ? - Short, Romantic Drama - A divorcing couple argue about his infidelity on the way to see their lawyers, they find something unexpected along the way and have twenty two floors to reflect.  10 pages - pdf, format

The Relevator by David Lambertson (eldave1) writing as  - Short, Drama - A wealthy man experiences death and life in an elevator. 11 pages - pdf, format

The Rest in Significant Order

Iron Garbage by Mohammad Nawaz writing as  - Short, Drama - An aging bellhop faces life's harsh realities as he's intertwined into the life of a championship boxer. 12 pages - pdf, format

The Necro File by Jayden Simon writing as Dunkin Ho Nuts - Short, Erotic Horror - A sexually inexperienced assistant to the coroner becomes stuck on an elevator with the corpse of a beautiful young woman and, well, first love is never easy, is it? 8 pages - pdf, format

Behind Closed Doors by Janet Clarke (wonkavite) writing as Baretta - Short, Thriller, Drama - Three men flee a botched bank robbery, seeking shelter in an elevator. But will they face more horrible truths inside? 8 pages - pdf, format

The Deuce by R. E. McManus (rendevous) writing as ? - Short, Drama, Thriller - An elevator and two guys on their way up. What can go down? 10 pages - pdf, format

The Rest in No Significant Order

Lift in a 1 Star Hotel by Simon Wiedmann (simon) writing as It's a secret... for now... - Short, Comedy - Eek… 8 pages - pdf, format

Great White by P. Cook (angry bear) writing as Queenie Tarantela - Short, Crime, Thriller - A crime boss and his goons, regret letting an extremely annoying woman into the elevator with them. 9 pages - pdf, format

Drop Zone by Richard Russell (richardr) writing as Otis Hoo - Short - A physicist about to compete in a reality game show gets a call from his wife--she's pregnant--and his brother has hit on her. 8 pages - pdf, format

Up - and Out by Janet Clarke (wonkavite) writing as TBD - Short, Comedy - Andrew gets on an elevator. Everything goes to Hell from there. 6 pages - pdf, format

The Equitable Life by Pete B. Lane writing as ? - Short, Supernatural Horror - As a delivery man, Isaac’s destination is chosen for him. But this elevator ride will force him to choose his path. 12 pages - pdf, format

Going Down by Chris Bodily writing as Anonymous - Short, Thriller, Horror - An elevator reunites a woman with her two exes -- one a pudgy gentleman; the other a suave, abusive creep. 8 pages - pdf, format

Company Stress Test by Darren J Seeley writing as Bill S. Guier - Short, Science Fiction, Satire Comedy, Surreal - There's something wrong with the stairs, so four employees take the new elevator. There's something wrong with that, too. 12 pages - pdf, format

Elevated Blood Pressure by Dustin Bowcott writing as Guy N. Smith - Short, Horror - Four ghost hunters find more than they bargained for inside the elevator of an old slaughterhouse. 9 pages - pdf, format

The Final Level by Jeff Bush (dreamscale) writing as blank - Short, Survival, Horror, SyFy - Two warriors fight for their survival in a wicked game with deadly adversaries. 9 pages - pdf, format

Elevator Game by Steve McDonell writing as  - Short, Horror - Two girls risk supernatural forces when they play the Elevator Game. 6 pages - pdf, format

Case of Death by Dena McKinnon (pale yellow) writing as Quintana Tarantula - Short, Thriller - A ruthless assassin must improvise when a small wrench is thrown into her plan.  7 pages - pdf, format

Tales of Horror presents: The Game Room forth ed. by Dan Campisi + Debra Johnson writing as Godzilla loves virgins + Debra Desch - Short, Horror - Death isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. 11 pages - pdf, format

The Saturn Method by John Robbins & Steven Clark writing as  - Short, Comedy - On an elevator, a sleazy underdog rivals a professional "pickup artist" in a battle of egos. 12 pages - pdf, format

I Got 99 Problems by Mark Renshaw writing as Elisha Graves Otis  - Short, Fantasy, Horror - An office worker returns home after a long day and embarks on a rather surreal journey in a faulty elevator to the 99th floor. 11 pages - pdf, format

Just the Tip by Steve Miles writing as  - Short, Dark Comedy - A proud elevator operator fights to protect those in his charge -- unless that is, they opt for the stairs… 10 pages - pdf, format

Going Down (another script with the same title) by Kyle Hasegawa writing as  - Short, Drama - Multiple obstacles stop a man from going downstairs via elevator.  7 pages - pdf, format

Broken Restraining Order by Mark-Curtis Dunn writing as  - Short, Crime, Drama - Celebrity Lori Kirkland believes she covers herself with caution, only to be trapped in an elevator with her stalker. 8 pages - pdf, format

Once Upon A Time In An Elevator by Khamanna Iskandarova writing as  - Short, Comedy - Two strangers meet in an elevator and look at each other really really hard. One kills the other with his look.    7 pages - pdf, format

Starlift by Ian J. Courter writing as Niemand Geist - Short, Science Fiction, Comedy - Ineptitude and a clash of personalities endanger the launch of the first space lift/elevator as supposedly English speaking astronauts try to work together and save the mission in this salute to those bad special effect shows of the 1970s. 11 apges - pdf, format

The Kill Switch by Ammar Salmi writing as  - Short, Action, Thriller - A private detective break all the laws to save the love of his life from a secret organization. 7 pages - pdf, format

I Got The Shaft by Jeffrey Dean Langham (Jeremiah Johnson) writing as Steven Tyler - Short, Drama - A geek and a beautiful woman stuck in an elevator.  What could go wrong? 7 pages - pdf, format

Placebo Button by Jamrach Buchanan (paydirt) writing as  - Short, Thriller - After a traumatic encounter in an elevator, a dejected man risks his life in an effort to save one stranger from another. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)


Elevator Parody by Alex Brauck writing as  - Short, Action, Comedy, Parody - Spidey Kid kicks ass in a world full of blockbuster characters. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

A Tale From The Lift by Steve Diablo writing as Unfin Shed - Short, Thriller, Horror - Three businessmen are forced to reveal their sins whilst sharing a devilish elevator.  8 pages - pdf, format 8)




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Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  June 16th, 2016, 11:17am
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rendevous
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Congrats to those who deserve it. Sounds about right. I will earn my crappy mug. One day, one fine day.

R

Don's edit.  I could not resist. Hope this is taken in the spirit in which it was intended.



R edit: I am both amused, and slightly moved.

R


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here

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rendevous  -  June 7th, 2015, 9:35pm
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Max
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Anthony Cawood, keepin' it 100 and representing the UK.

Enjoy that mug bro, some nice PG Tips in that mug, maybe a custard cream on the side.

Also, congratulations to Bill Sarre and Eric Wall, great stuff.

Nice to see Fabrini take a runners-up spot, sweet as.


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Grandma Bear
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I like your script! I was actually considering asking you if I can film it.

My post was in response to Ren.


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rendevous
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Quoted from Grandma Bear
I like your script! I was actually considering asking you if I can film it.

My post was in response to Ren.


Eh? You've lost me. Enlighten when you can.

R



Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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Dreamscale
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Congrats to all!

Very surprised by the "significant order" finishers, as 2 should have been DQ'd for not being in or next to a lift, and 1 was downright  poor...IMO, of course.

Fairytale was easily the best, IMO, but Feels Like Falling was a definite contender.  The Alice script was well done, but in a filmed version, would suffer greatly, IMO...no disrespect to the Reefer, however.

Henry's Fabrini was 1 I really wanted to like, but just couldn't get into, but nicely written.

Good job, everyone!!


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.

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Dreamscale  -  June 7th, 2015, 10:03pm
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Grandma Bear
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Quoted from rendevous


Eh? You've lost me. Enlighten when you can.

R


I thought it was great. It was one of my recommends. I loved the idea of them being in a pickle by having the wrong guy. I thought, of all the ones that were the most fimable, I would've chosen yours.  


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oJOHNNYoNUTSo
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Congrats Bill & Eric! And to the runner-ups, great job!
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stevie
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Good job to Bill and Eric. They were my top 2 faves!



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SteveClark
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Great job, Eric & Bill. Well deserved! And congrats to the top 10! Nice work all.


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LC
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Eric, I had a feeling that was you.

Well done top 2, well done significant others, and good job to all who entered.



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DanC
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Great job with all who received nods.  Well done.  It was a very hard challenge and you guys came up with some truly amazing work.  Seriously, great job.

Running up in the rear, um, you know what I mean, I gladly accept my prize as the lowest of the low, the award, not the band.  Thank you, thank you very much, really.

Seriously, there are no losers here, only people that won, and us.  The, ahem, non-losers, who didn't win a crappy mug and the 1 billion dollar prize that very few knew about, the original declaration of independence, seriously, I need to offload it now, it's kinda scorching so, who wants it????

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Been in hiatus for most of the week, lots going on here. Congrats to the top 5 and everyone else for getting something in, especially Eric and Bill, awesome stories guys, well done!

... and of course a huge thank you to our fearless leader; Don, for giving everyone a chance to post their work on his site (including my bizarre sh!t). Without a doubt the best way to evolve as a writer, an old school method of 'Baptism by Fire', cheers.


My scripts and templates: Obfuscation
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nawazm11
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Good job Bill and Eric, this was actually a great OWC, don't think I've had this many considers before.
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LC
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Quoted from Gum
Been in hiatus for most of the week, lots going on here.

Rick, what, pray tell, was your user name before??
See this is the problem when people change them especially if they've not been on steadily for years - I forget who/what their identity was before. Or somebody else can tell me...

Asfarasiam - that's what it was! Carry on...





Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
LC  -  June 8th, 2015, 8:20am
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Reef Dreamer
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Thanks Don

Well done Eric. Someone who always mixes it up with the best entries. Great writer.

Overall there were some very sound entries in this OWC. Well done all. Group hug.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
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So pleased the scripts I liked are in the top 5. Congratulations to you all and thanks Don for a fun OWC.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Stumpzian
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Congratulations to Bill and Eric, to Anthony and Dave, and to the rest of the Top Ten.

This was my third OWC. It's always fun to start with NOTHING and wind up with something.  I had nothing until the Friday before the deadline. And then, there it was.

It was great fun to see what everyone's raw brain waves produced. Props to all the writers.



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JSimon
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You did well, Stump, and your reviews were well done too.
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rendevous
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I'll concur. As  Frank Abagnale Jr. made famous. You did well there, it's great when a good idea occurs. And you managed to get it down, without fecking it up. This is no easy feat. I have good ideas, and then they hit the page. And then they hit the bin.

A lot of scripts were rather good. A few weren't, but we'll skip over those.

I nearly neglected to mention mine. Perhaps it wasn't quite as good as yours, but that's debatable. Now's neither time nor place.

R


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here

Revision History (1 edits)
rendevous  -  June 8th, 2015, 9:47am
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Stumpzian
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Quoted from JSimon
You did well, Stump, and your reviews were well done too.

Thanks much. Enjoyed your reviews, too. Well thought out.


Quoted from ]rendevous
You did well there.

A true pleasure to read whatever you write. I imagine Bertie Wooster feels the same way.




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Gum
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Hi Libby,

Ya, just changing it up every now and again.

Many moons ago I overheard someone say “… as far as I am”, but being under the influence at the time, I began reciprocating a Triple Entendre in my head: A person - Asfaras Siam; in a state of mind - As far as I am; at a place in time - As far as Siam. Lately, however… an image of a curious mutt staring at a lightning bug does it for me, lol.

Didn’t see an entry from you this go. Mind you, it is winter where you are, so I’m going to assume you were mowing your lawn. We can’t do that up here in winter; lawnmowers don’t work well in 40 below, come to think of it… nothing does.

Anyway, hope to see you next round, take care…


My scripts and templates: Obfuscation
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khamanna
Posted: June 8th, 2015, 11:42am Report to Moderator
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Congrats, Bill and Eric - not the first time for the two of you and obviously not the last! And the runner-ups too - great job to all.
I'm glad I Heart Zombies didn't disappear in the pile.


Asfarasiam changed his identity?

People really must stop doing that.
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EWall433
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Quoted from LC
Eric, I had a feeling that was you.


I have to get trickier  

Congrats to all who entered, and a big congrats to Bill whose skill at writing is match only by his skill at downplaying his work before the fact. I'm not fit to wear your thong! (<---half of you won't get that, I fear)

Anyway, it's been a blast.
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Max
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Yeah, shoutout to Stumpy who didn't go the typical route with his script

He managed to create something memorable without heavy action.


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Stumpzian
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Thanks, Max!



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DS
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Congrats, folks! Pleased to see Alice up there as writer's choice and the rest of the top 5 looks spot on as well.
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Congrats Bill and Eric - top notch scripts and my personal favorites.  


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Reef Dreamer
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Quoted from EWall433


Congrats to all who entered, and a big congrats to Bill whose skill at writing is match only by his skill at downplaying his work before the fact. I'm not fit to wear your thong! (<---half of you won't get that, I fear)

.


Ok, guilty as charged. Perhaps I did over play my concerns, but you have to remember that with the vomit draft of a script like Alice, I was fearing for the worst  

Jeff would have been out on the first page with that draft.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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EWall433
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I'm just messing around. I've done it too I'm sure. I think it's good if you can be your own worst critic. It's not like our friends and loved ones can be around to tell us we suck all the time. They have lives too.
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Reef Dreamer
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I've now got to the point whereby I can determine what my wife "really" thinks just by her first expression.

This OWC she just looked at me with a blank expression. Translated that meant, WTF is that about.

If you need to explain, you need to rewrite.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Stumpzian
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Thanks to all who read and commented on Fabrini. Felt really good to know so many liked it.

Some even gave the script a second read. Much appreciated, especially given how many there were.  Dustin said, "I sat here for a good few minutes after reading and replayed it in my mind." A writer couldn't ask for more.

Prussian Mosby: Thanks for pointing out that Fabrini is never called by name in the story. I'll fix it.
Jeff: Thanks for noting a slug error. Will fix that, too. (I don't agree that the man and woman on the elevator need names, though.)
Pia: Thanks for saying 66 is the new 25. I feel better already.

Henry



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wonkavite
Posted: June 8th, 2015, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats to, well, everyone!!  And especially to the Writer's Choice and Runner's Up...

Almost all of my favs were represented there.  This was a great, solid OWC for all...  ))
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Pale Yellow
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Congrats Bill and Eric!!
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AnthonyCawood
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Congrats Bill and Eric - top job gents!

And congrats to everyone, getting a script down in such a short burst when part of it is prescribed for you is no mean feat... here's to the next OWC.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Quoted from RickFyRick
Didn’t see an entry from you this go. Mind you, it is winter where you are, so I’m going to assume you were mowing your lawn. We can’t do that up here in winter; lawnmowers don’t work well in 40 below, come to think of it… nothing does.

Anyway, hope to see you next round, take care…

You too!

Not mowing the lawn...

Trying to figure out if I should ignore the 6 foot diamond python that's taken up residence on the roof, or call someone to remove it. At the moment unless I get up to look, it's out of sight, out of mind...Almost

Btw, next OWC I'll be in like like Flynn. Least that's my story now.


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Gum
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Quoted from Libby
Trying to figure out if I should ignore the 6 foot diamond python that's taken up residence on the roof


Whoa! Just caught this. You gotta' be kidding... right? Umm... so ya,  40 below doesn't seem so bad after all, lol.


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LC
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 12:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Gum
Whoa! Just caught this. You gotta' be kidding... right? Umm... so ya,  40 below doesn't seem so bad after all, lol.

Not kidding. We had one in the compost bin, one in the pool filter box, and now this chappie - could be the same one, although he seems a bit bigger than the other two. It's the red-belly blacks you worry about - this one's not venomous - he'd just squeeze you to death if you annoyed him.  

Now see, you have renewed respect for where you hail. Where is that btw? Antarctica? Estonia? I'm cold just thinking about it.



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DS
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Quoted from LC


Now see, you have renewed respect for where you hail. Where is that btw? Antarctica? Estonia? I'm cold just thinking about it.



Hey now, contrary to popular belief, us folks over here in Estonia don't live in igloos and we do in fact have summer during summer. No pythons, but we have plenty of vipers to make up for it.

Think it's 15 degrees celcius here right now.
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LC
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 4:27am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DS


Hey now, contrary to popular belief, us folks over here in Estonia don't live in igloos and we do in fact have summer during summer. No pythons, but we have plenty of vipers to make up for it.

Think it's 15 degrees celcius here right now.

Really, DS?! That means our Winter at the moment is warmer than your Summer.   Sorry, that's rude of me, and we did get down to 8 the other morning, (and minus 7 in the political capital - serve them right!) but today a top in the early 20s.

The Estonian 'nineteen hours of daylight' sure did intrigue me though - the 'white nights' -  that must play havoc with insomnia.


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khamanna
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 6:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DS


Hey now, contrary to popular belief, us folks over here in Estonia don't live in igloos and we do in fact have summer during summer. No pythons, but we have plenty of vipers to make up for it.

Think it's 15 degrees celcius here right now.


You're from Estonia? I've been to Tallinn - it's a beautiful city. Thought you should know that.
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Dustin
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 8:46am Report to Moderator
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This thread's title should be changed to 2015.


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MarkRenshaw
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Quoted from Dustin
This thread's title should be changed to 2015.


lol! I never noticed! This is why my scripts have so many typos. I must have a reading disorder or just be mental.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Dustin
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 9:11am Report to Moderator
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I've just noticed myself... but only because it was in the portal right next to a similar thread with 2015 in it. If not for that, I'd still be thinking it was 2014 every time I visited this thread.


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Gum
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 9:11am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Not kidding. We had one in the compost bin, one in the pool filter box, and now this chappie - could be the same one, although he seems a bit bigger than the other two. It's the red-belly blacks you worry about - this one's not venomous - he'd just squeeze you to death if you annoyed him.  

Now see, you have renewed respect for where you hail. Where is that btw? Antarctica? Estonia? I'm cold just thinking about it.



Quoted from DS
Hey now, contrary to popular belief, us folks over here in Estonia don't live in igloos and we do in fact have summer during summer. No pythons, but we have plenty of vipers to make up for it.

Think it's 15 degrees celcius here right now.



Nope, I'm not quite that far north, Manitoba, Canada... I shouldn't complain, some days are actually close to a balmy 30 Celsius with the humidity right now; we're in the middle of our thunderstorm season. So (luckily) no snakes in the pool filter... but a boatload of frogs do manage to find their way into the skimmer basket... it's pretty gross, lol...


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stevemiles
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 9:15am Report to Moderator
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Congrats to Bill and Eric -- The Elevator Most Belonging to Alice and Feels Like Falling were certainly the two standouts for me.

Real mixed bag this time around, some with a lot more depth than I would’ve anticipated and a number of ideas that can, and should be taken further.  

Also a big thanks to Don for taking the time to put this together.  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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DS
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 12:43pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC

Really, DS?! That means our Winter at the moment is warmer than your Summer.   Sorry, that's rude of me, and we did get down to 8 the other morning, (and minus 7 in the political capital - serve them right!) but today a top in the early 20s.

The Estonian 'nineteen hours of daylight' sure did intrigue me though - the 'white nights' -  that must play havoc with insomnia.


I wouldn't have it any other way. An average of 20 degrees is pretty much the perfect weather as far as I'm concerned. Don't think I'd survive in the Australian climate.

The white nights are nice. It can take some time to get used to them after a dark winter, but the pros outweigh the cons by a mile.


Quoted from khamanna
I've been to Tallinn - it's a beautiful city. Thought you should know that.


!  






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