Arthur, mad scientist type, is "stunned" when the Female Jogger screams behind the bush. This isn't misdirection, it's cheating, because there wasn't anyone around to witness what was happening. And his fearful rush to get to his van seemed overdone, too.

Using a robot to procure a woman is a novel way of getting a date, but shouldn't he be practicing at night on a lonely street, instead of in a park in broad daylight?

Quoted from Don I liked this, good twist, tho I think it is fob, not fop (unless it is a kiwi/lime/oz thing). This is both horrifying and funny at the same time. - Don

Lime? Oh, Llimey. Yep, a fop is Queen's English for a Dandy aka a smartly dressed Gent.

Whatever... we know what you mean, Writer.
I loved this. A unique entry.
Silly robot not keeping them alive.

Loved Arthur's description:
He’s a forever nerd complete with black rimmed
glasses and pencils in his shirt pocket.

Macabre, but with some lovely dark humour throughout.

Good twist. The squirrel is a nice touch to keep things engaging while we're waiting for the action moment.

I didn't like him being "stunned." It's a cheat, it's only there to trick the reader and has nothing to do with his real reactions in that moment. Just omitting that word is more effective.

I don't need to know why he's doing it, his frustration is enough to make this work. Well done.

Pretty good. Fun ending. I wish there was more comedy mixed in before the final reveal. Maybe something to do with this creepy guy in a park weirdly observing joggers? Fighting the squirrel for seeds on the ground? I dunno, something that sets the tone as more comedic early on.

I like the visuals here, and nice head-fake on describing the pursuit. But it's a fob, not a fop.

Good job!

I enjoyed the idea/story here.

Good luck casting the squirrel.

The twist was fun. With a bit more space to work with, you could really build out this world in a wild way.

Even though there's very little dialogue here, it could still be tightened further. If you drop "Killed another one." nothing changes.

I liked this a lot, well written.

The story was unique and the twist was genuinely surprising.

Great stuff~

A good script. Probably a little on the high end to produce. Why would Arthur dash like mad to his van to get away from a machine he created? Maybe he doesn't want people to see the dead jogger. But he pushes the dead jogger out of the van regardless. I wonder what function the robot monster was actually supposed to fulfill.

Writer,

Good story! I liked it. But in the end, it didn't feel complete -- meaning, why was the old man using a robot to kill people? I'd like to know.

Steve

I liked this one. This twist worked for me and the action lines were clean, kept up the pacing. Good job, writer.

FOB

I even looked it up first and still wrote FOP. LOLOL.

I wrote this in a seriously mad rush cus I had to work both days. Less than an hour.

My original idea was that it was a Frankenstein type monster that Arthur created and controlled, but that proved too difficult to show in just 2 pages. So I opted for the KILLER ROBOT!! (January project people will appreciate that!!)

And I also didn't have enough room to show that he had been sitting there all day waiting for this to actually work (which is why he was "stunned"). And he wasn't running "from" the robot, he was running because they had taken the jogger and had to haul ass so they didn't get caught...but of course it was supposed to look like he was running from the monster.

Just didn't have time to work out the wrinkles. Grabbing a female to make a female monster. But this monster keeps killing them by accident. Was a funny idea, I just didn't have time to execute it well enough.  

Thanks for the reviews!!