Writing is rough around the edges, but there's actually a good concept here, but the ending is flat.

This one needs a good rewrite. Still, good effort.

Like the central idea here, certainly hit the SciFi note bang on.

But found the writing a little dense in places.

Decent effort

Interesting combination of an imaginative world and the problematic practice of waterboarding. There's definitely a sense of cruelty. I appreciate the high ambitions of the script. I think it is effective. On the other hand, the first page felt like five pages. There was so much to digest.

Jack Bauer needed this thingy in his torture kit.

Interesting, but I'm not big on the payoff of "he's being tortured". I think one extra element might have made the script work more. As it is written, I have to admit, it just felt a little creepy for me imaging a new way to torture people for information. I would've liked to root for the other guy, bleeding heart liberal that I am.

This isn't really screenplay "writing". It's very dense. And even though you used a lot of words to describe what was happening, I had a tough time visualizing it. The idea of it is pretty darn cool though. Futuristic torture for info...definitely something worth working on, but maybe a short story would be better not only for writing purposes, but this would cost way too much to film as a short.

It definitely has possibilities.