Funny, I just read a news story yesterday where a pilot described the UFO he had seen as "like a large tic tac."

I enjoyed this. Definitely laughed out loud when the "alien" waves. (There are definite comedic elements in this script.)

Yes, it's a bit inconsistent. Military guys don't sound all that elite. And, I don't understand the "not what you think" line. Why introduce that element if you can't pay it off?

Still, I liked it.

For all that setup, the ending was like a balloon rapidly deflating. It's an effective reveal, it just doesn't carry any weight. So he's actually human and he's from the future. It plays like that's a good thing, a happy ending, but after all that tension at the start it's a let down. More interesting is a consequence of action, either from his coming back too far into the past (it doesn't seem like he meant to end up in that time period) or from their hostility, or even a warning of some sort. All the possible hooks that Captain Turner cautions against go out the window with that ending too, they don't lead to anything.

The writing is good, but wrong for the pace this should be. It's too wordy, it holds the action back. It's imaginative and solidly sci-fi, it just needs something more for an ending.

Hi writer,

Quoted Text DECK OF FB MIL­50P NAVY SPEEDBOAT

Maybe just NAVY SPEEDBOAT, I don't think many people will know the rest.

Quoted Text The glow is Tic Tac shaped, fifty feet long, twenty wide, rounded ends, sitting ten feet below the water's surface.

Is this based off that recent interview with 60 Minutes, I think it was?

I enjoyed some of the comedic moment, good job with that.

Could use a bit of a polish after the challenge.

All the best.

It seemed like a lot of build up to get to the payoff.

I think if you focused less on the soldiers and their military talk and more on the mystery it would work a lot better.

I have a thing for military oriented stuff so this had me hooked. Solid reveal at the end as well.

I wanted to like this more than I did unfortunately. Not that the writing wasn't good, it just wasn't clear enough at times for me.

Interesting premise though.

Good luck.

I think Whittier is what's wrong with authority these days. Just wanting to shoot.

Interesting idea. Took a while to get there though. The 3 Marines all sounded the same. Not sure you need 3. Maybe cut it down to two and give them a distinct personality or quirk so we can make out a difference.

Not a bad entry though. Good work.