This didn't give me the slightest bit of laughter.  The situation and the dialogue felt contrived most of the way through.  A woman walks into a single stall bathroom, sees a man already there... and tries to bully her way in?  Very unrealistic and lost me right from the start.  

The shift from anger to laughter and then flirting without any visual or verbal cues to suggest attraction was just too sudden.

The action lines were written better than most, so good job there.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Same issue I had with the last script – use the header to get us more info. Is this a restaurant bathroom, rest-stop, stadium, ???? Tell us what location it’s set in. It helps.

Speaking of which - had you done something is simple is setting the bathroom in a funeral parlor - then you could have handled all those nitty what are the odds of two people entering the bathroom with an urn issue.

Would have liked the character ages.

Comedy is tough - you gave me a couple of chuckles so KUDOS

I think I wouldn't have gone the Rom-com on this one - it seems forced because of 4 pages you have to move things (mutual interest) at an unnatural pace.

Writer,

Pretty good premise here, but way too over the top for my taste. It almost becomes a parody of itself. The main problem here is the dialogue. They spend most of their time calling each other names, single word insults, with no real interaction other than the spilt ashes. Lot of potential here, just felt the story deserved more.

Steve

Hey Writer

Alright, points for the Rom-com lol

I liked it, to be honest. Once I suspended my disbelief and just took it for the goofy rom-com I think it was supposed to be, then yeah, I liked it.
No laugh out loud moments but I quite enjoyed their awkward encounter

Although if watching, I think I would laugh out loud when he bitch slaps the ash our of her hand lol

Good work

Nice story but too much of a coincidence having them both go into the bathroom at the same time with identically un-named urns.
Funny story though, nice comedy touches throughout.
Well done.

There was definitely some humour here, but a meet cute amongst the ashes of dead people?

Didn't quite work for me.