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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The May 2021 Challenge  ›  Hollywood is Dead - May3
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stevemiles
Posted: June 4th, 2021, 7:26am Report to Moderator
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Logline is a bit of a mouthful - not really sure what it’s all about.

It’s a niche concept that’s not going to land well with anyone unfamiliar with the film reference. Pair that with a more disjointed narrative structure and you’re asking a lot of the reader to get on board.  

I recall the Falling Down pier scene and the slightly odd running style of Douglas’ character.  In that sense I really do like what you’re going for but it’s more the humour in the idea of the ‘run like Michael’ event than the execution that I’m drawn to.  I just can’t quite see this working on-screen as intended.  Not to say there isn’t some humour worth mining, just the ending feels too abrupt and doesn’t smoothly call back to the earlier scenes of Winslow smashing his hand or the opening.

Idea could be fun to explore but perhaps it needs to deliver more on the race itself and those characters running it than the notion of a vengeful MD hunting down the competition which tonally makes this a little too uneven.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Rob
Posted: June 4th, 2021, 12:53pm Report to Moderator
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Where can I sign up for the Run Like Michael Douglas Marathon? I actually checked it out to see if it was a thing, but it's not. I just went with the flow on this one. It's like a Charlie Kaufman script, which is not a bad thing.
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Gum
Posted: June 6th, 2021, 2:06pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks all for the reads/reviews, I truly appreciate you stopping in!

Not for everyone obviously, some liked it, some really liked it (and that feedback/positive vibe is always more than welcome!), but most found it confusing and, well… rightfully so. I gave a brief analysis of this in my own shameless review a few floors up on this thread, but I think it still leaves a lot unanswered. Sometimes there are no answers, just the insatiable desire to write off the cuff.

“Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown.”

See you next round...


My scripts and templates: Obfuscation
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Lono
Posted: June 6th, 2021, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Gum
Thanks all for the reads/reviews, I truly appreciate you stopping in!

Not for everyone obviously, some liked it, some really liked it (and that feedback/positive vibe is always more than welcome!), but most found it confusing and, well… rightfully so. I gave a brief analysis of this in my own shameless review a few floors up on this thread, but I think it still leaves a lot unanswered. Sometimes there are no answers, just the insatiable desire to write off the cuff.

“Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown.”

See you next round...


I thought it was a stand out, one of my favorites.

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Gum
Posted: June 6th, 2021, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Lono


I thought it was a stand out, one of my favorites.



Thanks, amigo!  


My scripts and templates: Obfuscation
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