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Nothing Compares To You - July OWC (currently 581 views)
Don
Posted: July 20th, 2021, 12:44pm
Administrator Administrator
So, what are you writing?
Location Virginia
Posts 16381
Posts Per Day 1.94
Nothing Compares To You by S. O'Connor - A man resorts to desperate measures to win back the affections of his one true love. Short, Drama
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JEStaats
Posted: July 20th, 2021, 1:37pm
Old Timer
No sh*t, there I was....
Location Tucson, AZ
Posts 1735
Posts Per Day 0.62
First out of the gates. The song title lured me in.... Opening slug should be Ext., I believe. By description, anyway. Just a one or two liner to set location and then do either Int. or Int./Ext. Car. Decent banter for the most part. A couple clunky lines that could be easily fixed but not bad overall. *Spoiler* I had a feeling where this was going. I'm glad it was something more than the typical...you know. Good job, writer. Fits the parameters and low budget too.
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Robert Timsah
Posted: July 20th, 2021, 2:34pm
January Project Group
Story Is Structure
Posts 280
Posts Per Day 0.05
I had Spotify on, so I played the song whilst reading. LOL. Well done and written. Nice aha at the end. It said drama - could lean more into comedy.
Reply: 2 - 9
AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 20th, 2021, 3:52pm
January Project Group
Location UK
Posts 4319
Posts Per Day 1.14
Love the song, both versions, and liked this too BUT didn't come across as drama in any way really, and not really properly snarky enough, just mho of course.
Barry's speech is just so unbelievable and unlikely that I can only really read it with a grin on my face... a big grin though.
Given the setup I'd consider changing Barry's name to Lars or Ryan
Good effort.
Reply: 3 - 9
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: July 20th, 2021, 5:29pm
Old Timer
Location A helluva long way from LA
Posts 1565
Posts Per Day 0.29
Haha,
I thought it was a very nice piece of writing. The dialogue was fine, I could see the characters and the way the scene played in my head, and immediately liked them. The kicker -- loved your sue of the third variable here. You done good for yourself with this you methinks. Great read. Not going to nit-pick. Also one of my favs. Best of Irish luck!
-A
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Warren
Posted: July 20th, 2021, 9:06pm
Of The Ancients
A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
Location Sydney, Australia
Posts 3897
Posts Per Day 1.36
Hi Writer, Very talky script that lands more like a dark comedy skit than a drama. I'm not sure I'd call this a realistic relationship, or I'm just completely out of touch. The writing's pretty good but I think you could have injected some action between the dialogue to mix it up a bit. Going to be middle of the road for me. All the best.
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Rob
Posted: July 21st, 2021, 7:20am
Posts 218
Posts Per Day 0.11
I like it. There are some sharp lines. I particularly like "trout mouth." Lots of good little things to show annoyance. It is strange to think that "Nothing Compares to You" is now something that people in their 60s listened to, but I guess that is the case. There are two shocking revelations at the end, and they work for me, mostly. The long speeches about the nature of being a man near the end of the script did not feel natural to me. That might be an area for improvement.
Reply: 6 - 9
PKCardinal
Posted: July 21st, 2021, 12:38pm
January Project Group
Location Kansas
Posts 1447
Posts Per Day 0.63
Good stuff. Suffers just a bit from the Lars (one of my all time favorite movies) overlap. Which is too bad, but unavoidable. Still, it was a great twist and a bunch of fun. Nice moment where the wife switches from horrified to laughing out loud. A perfect transition for the script. Well done.
PaulKWrites.com60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/FeatureThe Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/FeatureWait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Reply: 7 - 9
LC
Posted: July 21st, 2021, 5:38pm
Administrator Location The Great Southern Land
Posts 7582
Posts Per Day 1.34
Haha! You got me. I did not see that coming. Dialogue in one spot needs a less writer-y revamp, bit much maybe. Otherwise I enjoyed it a lot!
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Yuvraj
Posted: July 23rd, 2021, 12:01pm
Been Around
Location Why you wanna know?
Posts 779
Posts Per Day 0.50
The ending was surprising here! Even then, too much talking going on, and didn't really get the vibes of estrangement. Considering the script as a whole, it lands on the dark comedy side for me. Good luck.
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