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The writing is good, vivid, and highly creative, but the idea I guess was a bit straight-froward for me, and a thick read. For some reason I just did not enjoy the ride, but I wanted to. I did chuckle at the automated male voice. Be curious what others think! Good effort with a creativity and imagination I'd be proud of. Keep at it.
Well, Yom the Yak stole this show IMO. This one is definitely the most creative one of the bunch so far. At times the very darkest type of humor delivered by Yom the Yak.
I was a bit confused at times though. I guess the animated stuff made it more so. I applaud your creativity here, but wish it had been just a tad easier to follow.
The animated sequence took me out of this, for some reason I just don't associate mockumentary and animation together... and then Panzer tanks in 1919 took me further out due to me being a pedant
And then a talking Yak, which is funny, but again I'm not getting mockumentary at all really... funny though.
Well, it would be funny if it weren't for the subject matter, which I guess is the point.
In two minds in this one, certainly made me think.
This one was completely off the walls for me. The humor was very dark, I mean, completely blotting out Mr. Sun kind of dark. I can see where people are going to either think this is genius or be horrified.
I'm in the camp where I think it is pretty much genius, but that it is genius in the form of something other than a mockumentary. I'm not sure how you would really classify this. But this definitely grabs your attention.
Good writing skills on display. Best of luck with it.
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
This was a challenging read for me. Never understood who Z.B. was or was supposed to be. I honestly didn't find it to be humorous either. Way too dark material for comedic fodder. All in all a very strange piece right from the get go. Interesting approach for a title page too. I almost called you out for have an 11 page entry until I realized what it was.
I applaud your creativity with this entry. Certainly a different mix of style - good work, writer.
Wow...this is super creative. I didn't really get a mockumentary vibe though. That being said, I really liked the animation part. There is an awful lot going on, it was kind of sensory overload for the page count. I didn't get all of it. But whoever wrote this has an incredible imagination...and a dark sense of humor. LOL. Impressive but for me fell short on the genre.
Can't say I laughed, but I was enthralled - perhaps 'absorbed' is a better word.
Vividly constructed, but some of those visuals (despite being exposed to them throughout my lifetime) are pretty hard to take, especially set against the absurdist animation in an attempt to counter the grim?
This read more as satirical cautionary tale to me than mockumentary - lest we forget. It still qualifies imho, though some might argue it skirts the brief. Might it have worked better as straight mockumentary if it dealt with neo-nazis alone? I dunno, maybe that was the point.
I couldn't get my head around who Z.B. was, but I see I'm not alone - thanks, Mark - thought it was just me.
I think interweaving humour with such a dark part of history is a big ask. You had a big task ahead of you. Honestly, I think you were always going to come up against the problem (with me, at least) of wanting to look away.
I give you top marks for being Inventive, creative, and providing us with a visual bonanza, so well done there!
This one is wacky, weird, and creative. Super dark, too.
Definitely pushes the limits of the challenge with the animation bit. Lol
There is clearly a lot more going on beneath the surface here. Feels like I need to read it again to get a better idea of what the Hell is going on here.
No issues with the writing. Humor is dark, but effective IMO.
I think I get what you were going for, here. The Mockumentary aspect (like, a weird, alternate history, in place of talking heads) seemed to mostly be contained to your act 2. If this is two writers, it explains the fact that this feels like two stories jammed together. The torture stuff shows up briefly, then takes a back seat until the very end. Still, I was along for the ride, though it certainly had its problems.
Thanks for all the reads and reviews. I'm extremely proud of what Sean and I were able to accomplish with this script. A little bummed at the reception, but that's just me being a bitch, as usual.
On a surface level, Z.B. is the gas that was used by the Nazis to kill Jews in the extermination camps. However, Z.B. is also meant to be the embodiment of all the "normal/rational" Germans who went along with Nazi ideology out of fear that they would be targeted as well. It's really fucked up...
Anyways, we clearly missed the mark here. But I've got no regrets. Thanks again for the reads.