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Fat Guy - OWC (currently 2733 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:23am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16438 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Fat Guy by Koolacooho Mafessiin - Short, Comedy - Fat Guy shows off how cool his superhero power is. 3 pages - pdf, format |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
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irish eyes |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:51am |
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January Project Group There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1865 Posts Per Day 0.36 |
WTF!
I guess comedy isn't your thing and only 3 pages... Fat guy and skinny guy, not exactly the most creative superheroes and I wouldn't even call them that.
Just a short exchange with a donuts joke thrown in.
At least you entered, just not my thing. |
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Reply: 1 - 23 |
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Equinox |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:01am |
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January Project Group
LocationGermany Posts345 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
It's actually 2 pages and I didn't find it funny. But that's probably because I suck with comedies. |
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Reply: 2 - 23 |
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cbead |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:55am |
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New https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/
LocationSunny Coast. Qld. Australia Posts143 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
OK. ..Didn't take long to read I suppose. |
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Reply: 3 - 23 |
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khamanna |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:12am |
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January Project Group
Posts4195 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Hi,
Looks like I missed what their superpowers might be.
I don't think comedy should be found in a prose. I think the situation or dialog should be funny. The prose is not on screen, so if I find it funny it'll get lost as soon as the script gets on screen.
There were quite a few typos in this, but this is not a big deal and expected I guess.
I don't understand what's goin on in here. I think you took it easy. too easy. Well... |
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Reply: 4 - 23 |
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Dreamscale |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:31am |
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Guest User
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Oh boy...here we go again. I'm out long before Page 1 is over...and I now see the entire script is less than 2 pages. Really?
Writing is very poor, sorry to say. Mistakes of every kind, on virtually every line...to the point where maybe it's purposely written as poorly as possible? Hard to say, but definitely not for me. |
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Reply: 5 - 23 |
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eldave1 |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:33am |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Had my first hic-cup on the opening line:
Quoted Text
No one is on the street. No I lied. SKINNY GUY is on the street
Not sure I get the point - anyway.
Okay - this one kind of lost me. Fat and Skinny guy - not sure what the powers were other than being fat and skinny. The descriptive passages were a bit long - could have been written crisper. Can't say that I laughed. This one fell a little flat for me. |
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Reply: 6 - 23 |
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Wes |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:39am |
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New
LocationOakland, CA 94602 Posts164 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
All I'm getting is that Fat Guy needs to save the donuts and Skinny Guy needs to . . . get in the back seat of a car?
This one wasn't my thing. |
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Reply: 7 - 23 |
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Trojan |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:05pm |
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LocationAustralia Posts393 Posts Per Day 0.07 |
First entry I've read. Not a good start.
Is the comedy meant to come from this being laughably bad? |
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Reply: 8 - 23 |
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DanC |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:40pm |
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Old Timer Killing villains since 1980!
LocationBuffalo NY Posts1131 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Wow, it just ended. I don't get it. This is 2 in a row that I don't get.
Sorry.
Did you submit the wrong story? It wasn't done.
Dan |
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Reply: 9 - 23 |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:38pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4323 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
Sorry, but this didn't work for me... |
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Reply: 10 - 23 |
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IamGlenn |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:41pm |
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January Project Group :)
LocationDublin, Ireland, Europe, The World. Posts692 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
Writer,
Two pages long and I couldn't get past the first. This is just nonsensical and not very good.
Glenn. |
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Reply: 11 - 23 |
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stevie |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:47pm |
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Of The Ancients
LocationDown Under Posts3441 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Look, its the last one and I'm gonna throw out a 1 for this just for the hell of it! Ok, its only a 1 but remember...its a big fat one! Lol
1 laugh out of 10 |
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Reply: 12 - 23 |
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DustinBowcot |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:29am |
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Guest User
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Not a lot of effort put into this one. No real story, no real laughs. These kind of jokes are a tough sell these days. They have to be played right. I think this just misses the mark. |
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Reply: 13 - 23 |
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MarkRenshaw |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:51am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.58 |
Didn't work for me. This read very much like prose and I quickly got lost in the skinny guy did this, fat guy did that mess.
Sorry, at least you tried.
-Mark |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
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Reply: 14 - 23 |
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