Fat Guy by Koolacooho Mafessiin - Short, Comedy - Fat Guy shows off how cool his superhero power is. 3 pages - pdf, format

WTF!

I guess comedy isn't your thing and only 3 pages...
Fat guy and skinny guy, not exactly the most creative superheroes and I wouldn't even call them that.

Just a short exchange with a donuts joke thrown in.

At least you entered, just not my thing.

It's actually 2 pages and I didn't find it funny. But that's probably because I suck with comedies.

OK. ..Didn't take long to read I suppose.

Hi,

Looks like I missed what their superpowers might be.

I don't think comedy should be found in a prose. I think the situation or dialog should be funny. The prose is not on screen, so if I find it funny it'll get lost as soon as the script gets on screen.

There were quite a few typos in this, but this is not a big deal and expected I guess.

I don't understand what's goin on in here. I think you took it easy. too easy. Well...

Oh boy...here we go again.  I'm out long before Page 1 is over...and I now see the entire script is less than 2 pages.  Really?

Writing is very poor, sorry to say.  Mistakes of every kind, on virtually every line...to the point where maybe it's purposely written as poorly as possible?  Hard to say, but definitely not for me.

Had my first hic-cup on the opening line:

Quoted Text

No one is on the street. No I lied. SKINNY GUY is on the
street


Not sure I get the point - anyway.

Okay - this one kind of lost me. Fat and Skinny guy - not sure what the powers were other than being fat and skinny. The descriptive passages were a bit long - could have been written crisper. Can't say that I laughed. This one fell a little flat for me.

All I'm getting is that Fat Guy needs to save the donuts and Skinny Guy needs to  . . . get in the back seat of a car?

This one wasn't my thing.

First entry I've read. Not a good start.

Is the comedy meant to come from this being laughably bad?

Wow, it just ended.  I don't get it.  This is 2 in a row that I don't get.  

Sorry.

Did you submit the wrong story?  It wasn't done.

Dan

Sorry, but this didn't work for me...

Writer,

Two pages long and I couldn't get past the first. This is just nonsensical and not very good.

Glenn.

Look, its the last one and I'm gonna throw out a 1 for this just for the hell of it! Ok, its only a 1 but remember...its a big fat one! Lol

1 laugh out of 10

Not a lot of effort put into this one. No real story, no real laughs. These kind of jokes are a tough sell these days. They have to be played right. I think this just misses the mark.

Didn't work for me. This read very much like prose and I quickly got lost in the skinny guy did this, fat guy did that mess.

Sorry, at least you tried.

-Mark