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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  Flying High Again - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Flying High Again - OWC  (currently 2831 views)
Blakkwolfe
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 7:54pm Report to Moderator
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647,922 left for Spectaculo, assuming all goes well with the sexy brunette. Liked it over all; good light comic banter between Larry, Hyena Boy and the Messianic Spectaculo.  Can definitely relate to the pain of a rusted out Toyota Tercel and glad he got his revenge in the most canine way possible. Enjoyed it.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 3:48am Report to Moderator
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Good... a rec.
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MarkItZero
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 1:19pm Report to Moderator
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Very solid stuff. Flowed well, probably the easiest read of them all. But I question whether the courthouse scene is necessary since the sidekicks ignore the ruling and it goes straight to a fight.

Perhaps a better idea is to have a "sidekicks anonymous" group where they're sitting around complaining about their respective bosses. You could even open on this, so we're seeing all these instances of Spectaculo screwing him over as Hyena Boy's describing them, to the point where he whips the whole group into a frenzy and they rush out to challenge the real superheroes... then it still ends with the great ending you already have.


That rug really tied the room together.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: April 29th, 2016, 9:17am Report to Moderator
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This one was quite funny. Lots of ideas were successfully developed throughout the script. Structure and twists were good too. I found it very good.

@ The story could need a better title since sidekick vs. established hero is the clear deal and reason to watch it. When you're able to communicate that fact from the start, you reach a clear defined audience – and quite a large one imo.



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James McClung
Posted: April 29th, 2016, 3:44pm Report to Moderator
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Best so far, and my first (perhaps last) recommend. Near-perfect; I felt the court proceedings were a little too cursory, but surely that's a result of the page limit. I'd pose you could've jumped in at the end of the hearing instead of the beginning and taken it from there with the sidekicks-vs-superheroes standoff. Might've felt less truncated.

Great success! Well-done!


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khamanna
Posted: April 30th, 2016, 4:22am Report to Moderator
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This one didn't work for me and I'll tell you why:

It's very slapstick at the beginning. And then it gets suddenly serious - when I have to understand the importance of Hyena boy's and Spectacula's relationship - Hyena boy acts like Spectacula's manager and all, that part didn't work. And maybe because of that I didn't appreciate the rest of it.
Maybe the switch disrupted the flow for me - I don't know.

Jasmine in sexual arrousement... Larry and the boys kiss each other - compliments of Spectacula's powers --it's all good. Extremely slapstick and cartoonish - which I totally like. And suddenly the plunge into the boss/employee relationship - a bit much for me.
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EWall433
Posted: May 1st, 2016, 9:35pm Report to Moderator
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This was a clever little tale. One of the better ones, I think. Only problem is its best idea is toward the end. The courtroom set-up held a lot of potential for unique material that wasn’t really delved into. So while this script was generally strong, I was a little disappointed to see that avenue not really explored.
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