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The Seamstress - OWC (currently 2693 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:05am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16561 Posts Per Day 1.92 |
The Seamstress by 0 - Short, Comedy - When one superhero hangs up his boots, another must fill them. But this can never happen without the approval of...THE SEAMSTRESS! 6 pages - pdf, format |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
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Reef Dreamer |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:03pm |
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Old Timer Part time writer
LocationThe Island of Jersey Posts2609 Posts Per Day 0.54 |
Humm, not sure.
I quite like the actors sparring with each other. Something in that. The seamstress and clothing, not sure.
If you were interested I'd almost take out the superhero and just have them argue over lunch. |
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Reply: 1 - 21 |
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stevie |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 4:19pm |
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Of The Ancients
LocationDown Under Posts3433 Posts Per Day 0.59 |
Good idea with a couple of funny lines.
3 laughs out of 10 |
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Reply: 2 - 21 |
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SAC |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 4:58pm |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3228 Posts Per Day 0.76 |
Writer,
Not bad. But this just never really takes off. You had some witty banter going on between the three men. It was good, but could've used something more. Good use of the L and the bidet, and the leasing of the store. It just doesn't carry the script though.
Steve |
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Reply: 3 - 21 |
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Wes |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 6:14pm |
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New
LocationOakland, CA 94602 Posts163 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
Nice. Clean and straight forward. I like the use of the actors and their interaction with the Seamstress. Also want to mention that I like they way you handle sound. "DING". "SNIKT". it works. It's all I need. |
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Reply: 4 - 21 |
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irish eyes |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:20pm |
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January Project Group There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1861 Posts Per Day 0.35 |
The Seamstress has all the attitude of the Seamstress in the Incredibles... maybe thats what you were going for.
Good dialogue back and forth.
overall pretty funny in places.
good job on entering |
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Reply: 5 - 21 |
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cbead |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:30am |
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New https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/
LocationSunny Coast. Qld. Australia Posts143 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
Interesting take on the SH theme. Seemed to be realistic dialogue between the actors and some funny areas but I felt the story lacked a direction and simply relied on the audience knowing the celebrities.
But for a OWC written only for the OWC it was fine. |
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Reply: 6 - 21 |
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eldave1 |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:25pm |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.86 |
A very creative premise.
I thought the scenes between Bale and Affleck were quite funny.
Solid writing throughout.
This gets a recommend from me. |
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Reply: 7 - 21 |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:29pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4367 Posts Per Day 1.10 |
Hmm, I liked the idea of Bale and Afleck and the passing on of the superhero mantle... but it didn't really make me laugh... now if you'd have started with Deadpool |
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Reply: 8 - 21 |
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Ryan1 |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:55pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1098 Posts Per Day 0.21 |
This did have some fun banter between Ben and Bale, but I think this would have worked better if the actors were kept out of this. It's actually a good idea, a superpowered tailor that cleans the unis of all the heroes. But more could have been done with the concept, such as the seamstress loses a costume and has to deal with a disgruntled hero, or a hero forgets his ticket and the seamstress flat out refuses to hand back his costume even after he vows to burn the place down with his laser vision, or maybe a certain alien blood stain that just won't come out, etc, etc. |
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Reply: 9 - 21 |
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DanC |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 8:45pm |
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Old Timer Killing villains since 1980!
LocationBuffalo NY Posts1129 Posts Per Day 0.33 |
I liked this, but, it didn't fulfill the task of the OWC.
It was kinda funny. It was kinda interesting. It did have the seamstress vibe from the Incredibles movie (can't wait for the sequel, that and Frozen)
But, sorry, it didn't complete the task.
5.5/10 Would have been higher if it completed the task. Who was the superhero? The seamstress isn't a hero. He's just a worker. If it was his superpower to create stuff that shouldn't mix, that's one thing, but, that wasn't what we were given.
Sorry Dan |
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Reply: 10 - 21 |
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SKN |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:50pm |
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New
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I could only imagine the creative fun the author had while writing this, is this seamstress Stan Lee I wonder.
It's a fun read, and it's different. |
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Reply: 11 - 21 |
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RichardR |
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 11:00am |
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Posts888 Posts Per Day 0.25 |
Good idea of superhero transference, but it was not played out well. Not as funny as it could have been. But OK |
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Reply: 12 - 21 |
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cloroxmartini |
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 12:24pm |
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Been Around
LocationYou know what a saguaro is? Posts803 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
That was cool and I liked it. Not the superhero thing but clever. Reminds me of the Incredibles seamstress so nice job changing to a guy in thick glasses. |
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Reply: 13 - 21 |
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MarkRenshaw |
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 3:01am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2326 Posts Per Day 0.56 |
I didn’t see any new superhero here as the Seamstress just seemed like a male version of the one from the Incredibles. However, as a spoof of the Hollywood superhero genre this was clever and funny. I did like the idea of Christian being upset about passing over the mantle and Deadpool coming in at the end was a good twist.
Good job, well done for entering.
-Mark |
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Reply: 14 - 21 |
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