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If you must ask, Z, the house I crashed on my birthday was actually…the hospital.
Funny story – well, maybe not so funny really, but then again a little funny.
Okay, so I wake up Saturday morning – my Birthday – at around nine’ish. I go into the kitchen and find my wife preparing some breakfast. Everything’s peachy. I get some presents plus a drawing from my youngest, Daniel (4). The drawing was of a man flying through the air with fire shooting out of his ass (a Rocket Man as my son put it), over this he had written “You are nice, dad”. Aaawww – thanks son. Then my oldest son wakes up, Jonas – he’s twelve, and he goes: “It’s your birthday?”, and I’m like, “Yeah, bozo, didn’t you get the memo?”
So a couple of hours pass, I’m watching Mythbusters when I suddenly I feel this growing pain in my lower back. Uncomfortable but not really that painful. But then it spreads and all of a sudden my stomach starts to hurt real bad, so I’m thinking, “Time to hit the toilet”. So I do, I sit down do my business but now the pain’s getting worse, “Gee, that’s peculiar – it usually works the other way around”. So I tell my wife, she says: “Maybe it’s your appendix. Where is the appendix by the way?”, and I’m like “Idunno”. So I take some Aspirin and try to get some rest but the pain just won’t go away – in fact it’s getting worse, so in the afternoon I decide to pay the hospital a visit.
I get to the ER and describe the situation to them and a nurse tells me to go to the waiting area until my name is called. I do – there’s like 15-20 people already there – but before I can even find a seat, my name gets called. A little fast if you ask me, I could almost hear Edward Norton saying “I am Jack’s cold sweat”. Anyway, I go to the exam room and this skank nurse hands me a cup and tells me to pee. What? Now? Yes, now. What if I can’t? You can. She was right. So I hand her the cup and she heads out only to be replaced by this really hot black (female) doctor. She tells me to lie down and then she starts to prod my stomach and my back. Then she says she has to feel my groin and I’m like “By all means, have at it”. After she finishes she tells me that it’s probably nothing serious but she will check the urine sample and come back. So she leaves me alone for about ten minutes, comes back and tells that they found traces of blood in my urine.
I am Jack’s torrential downpour of cold sweat
Blood, eh? That’s, like, good, right? No. It is not.
So after the happy news she tells me that it’s most likely a kidney stone (or ureterolithiasis). Nothing major – but painful. She gives me some pain killers, tells me to go home, drink all the water in the world and hopefully that will flush it out. If the pain continues I should come back. So I go home, take the pain killers, drink a shitload of water and the next day I’m all good (still am). Only problem was…the painkillers completely screwed up my stomach. I kid not, I spend most of the Sunday on the toilet. And just like the drawing my son did for me, I was a man with fire shooting out of my ass.
Cheers The Rocket Man
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
It looks like you've unwittingly become part of a Kaufman-esque type scenario, whatever your kid draws comes to life with you as the main character.
So, with that knowledge, get him to sketch you in a harem full of beautiful women (possibly a bit risque for a 4 year but fu?k it, its your birthday goddammit!) or behind the camera directing your own script with all your favourite actors filling the roles...It's worth a try.
So, with that knowledge, get him to sketch you in a harem full of beautiful women (possibly a bit risque for a 4 year but fu?k it, its your birthday goddammit!) or behind the camera directing your own script with all your favourite actors filling the roles...It's worth a try.
Haha very true - not sure his mom would appreciate the one about the harem though.
This is the culprit by the way (when he was six months old).
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Ha, quality photo, sir. The poor kid's dignity has been all but stripped away to nothing, you can see it in his eyes, not a happy camper.
He's got the Kaufman perm going on in a big way too, albeit a drastically different colour.
Come to think of it, Charlie won his Oscar for Eternal Sunshine just over five years ago...was probably goin' to parties, hittin' the town, gettin' pussy on tap along with all the debauched decadence that goes hand in hand with fame-- Sh?t, can you tell me, honestly, Rob, where your wife was every single night (or day for that matter, Charles ain’t fussy) circa early spring 2005 till Autumn of that year?!
You might not like it, Skotte but I may have uncovered something here...watch this space
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A Birthday In The House
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