Nick:

Gripping intro, reminds me of Reservoir Dogs due to the trunk scene and the two guys opening it and their banter.

VINCE
That sounded like a yelp. Think he
needs our help?

Not a fan of that line, since it rhymes and in turn makes it seem ridiculous. It may just be me though.

That was pretty entertaining. The action paragraph writing was pretty good. Also pretty clean and crisp. The dialogue was a little iffy in some parts, but pretty good in others. Such as the characters saying "you're welcome". I feel that is pretty unnecessary in a script. But hey, I suck balls at script writing and in some parts I found the dialogue humorous, such as the sweater lines.

Reminds me a bit of Tarantino. But I felt more time could have been spent on the ending instead of the beginning. But the ending was hilarious as was the idea.

Very entertaining story, but I don't know...I'll have to think for a while on who to vote for.

It's hard because both of you brought two completely different things to the table here. If it was based solely on technical writing style, it would be Dustin. On entertainment value, you.

I've read both. And both are pretty decent creative efforts for overnight work. I really can't find a reason to pick one over the other, so no vote out of me.

Silver's is written fairly well. The dialogue is very wooden, but it is a first draft, so easily fixed.

The donkey angle is humorous. The stuff with the gun running from the trunk is not humorous...yet. It could be with improved dialogue...and I don't know about that running into the pole thing. I mean if he doesn't, he gets away...or creates pain in the arse chase for the gangsters.

Dustin's script has a creative and interesting premise, the idea of dwarfs patrolling for trolls. Internet trolls. I wasn't thrilled about the execution of the story at this point, but with a bit more work it will improve...and the concept is memorable.

I told myself I wouldn't bother reading any of this because I thought the whole reason for this thread was pretty juvenile to begin with... and because it kind of ruined another great thread that had to be closed and re-created... but anyway, I folded, and here are my comments... not that they matter.

Mule Tide Greetings

An amusing read which made me snicker and chuckle... very reminiscent of Tarantino (trunk scene) and Fargo (victim trying to run away while the kidnappers watch amusingly).  I didn't have a problem with the flashbacks... they could have been written slightly better, but overall no big deal.  Dialogue might have been just a tad "wooden" but I think if it's read the way it's intended, it's not so bad.

Troll Finder

Eh, not a big fan of the slugs or the mini slugs.  I think that's the biggest problem as it's consistently going on.  INT.  UNDER THE BRIDGE especially does not work.  I get a slight sense of emotion toward the end but not enough to strike a spot with me.  Also, the fact that this seems to be mostly taking place on a computer borders on dullness.

@Mull Tide... The characters were too broad to be truly engaging.  Bits and pieces of the dialogue was bland and static.  Overall I just thought this was silly, one big joke that overstayed its welcome.  The first thing I would recommend is proofread.  For all of seven pages... there should be no mistakes.

Quoted Text ANTON The mule is gonna to have sex with you.

Quoted Text ANTON Thank you. But we both know it’s not. It’s an ugly sweater. Every year my wife buys me a sweater and every year they just keep getting uglier, and uglier. No man should man should ever have to wear a sweater like this.

@Troll Finder... There is obvious talent and craft in this piece.  No doubt.  No mistakes either.  Some good descriptions.  Having said that, although I found it to be more engaging-- It didn't really knock my socks off either.  

But it gets my vote.

just some scattered notes.

Ghost

Read both.

Lots of imagination went into Troll Finder. I liked the idea. It was a bit hard to read though - the character slugs - first time seeing something like this - not used to it. I'd say stick to what others are used to, but it's not my call surely.
It was a bit on the nose for me though - real troll standing for all the trolls out there...

Mule Tide Greetings - I don't understand the title. The dialog was pretty funny in this. I liked it. The boy ratting out his father like that - doubt that part. Probably that part should be rewritten - it's hard to buy into due to the way it's written. Looks like they just asked and the boy gave his dad away just like that.

These two came very close for me. Very close. Really hard to choose one, but I guess I must.

Quoted from khamanna Mule Tide Greetings - I don't understand the title.

It's a play on words Khamanna.  Yuletide greetings.

Thanks for the read.

@ ghostie..

One big joke that overstayed its welcome.?   That hurts, man.    

But thanks for pointing out typos.  

My two thugs speak in rhymes, btw.   I thought that was pretty inventive.  

Quoted from Neighbour Nick: Gripping intro, reminds me of Reservoir Dogs due to the trunk scene and the two guys opening it and their banter.

Thanks Seb.  I was definitely going for a Tarantino-ish thing.

Quoted from Guest I told myself I wouldn't bother reading any of this because I thought the whole reason for this thread was pretty juvenile to begin with...

You're right.

Quoted from KevinLenihan Dustin's script has a creative and interesting premise, the idea of dwarfs patrolling for trolls. Internet trolls. I wasn't thrilled about the execution of the story at this point, but with a bit more work it will improve...and the concept is memorable.

I'm thinking about remodelling this into a children's animation thing, or it could go in the way of adult animation. Maybe adults need to hear this message more than the kids do. I agree, a bit more work, increase the page count to ten and this could be a winner to any enterprising student looking to put out a very current message at festivals.

Quoted from ghost and_ghostie gal @Mull Tide... The characters were too broad to be truly engaging.  Bits and pieces of the dialogue was bland and static.  Overall I just thought this was silly, one big joke that overstayed its welcome.  The first thing I would recommend is proofread.  For all of seven pages... there should be no mistakes. @Troll Finder... There is obvious talent and craft in this piece.  No doubt.  No mistakes either.  Some good descriptions.  Having said that, although I found it to be more engaging-- It didn't really knock my socks off either.   But it gets my vote. just some scattered notes. Ghost

Thanks mate. That was my summary of the two stories too.

Quoted from DustinBowcot a bit more work, increase the page count to ten and this could be a winner to any enterprising student looking to put out a very current message at festivals.

Serioiusly?   Well, okay... I guess.   Dare to dream.

Quoted from NickSedario Serioiusly?   Well, okay... I guess.   Dare to dream.

I'm shocked at the sheer lack of integrity on display in this thread.. but at the same time it is also very informative.

Quoted from DustinBowcot I'm shocked at the sheer lack of integrity on display in this thread.. but at the same time it is also very informative.

Hey, I was just trying to offer you a little encouragement.

But if I was to be completely honest, I don't see your script as being a student film project.

And remember, when you point your stubby little finger at someone, you've got three fingers pointing back at you.  

Quoted from NickSedario Hey, I was just trying to offer you a little encouragement. But if I was to be completely honest, I don't see your script as being a student film project. And remember, when you point your stubby little finger at someone, you've got three fingers pointing back at you.

Your lack of integrity cancels out anything you claim as 'completely honest'. You're a fraud and a bullshitter as I've proven to you in PM. That you've now blocked me on. Shows your true colours. Unblock me and keep the shit in pm or shut the fuck up, moron.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Your lack of integrity cancels out anything you claim as 'completely honest'. You're a fraud and a bullshitter as I've proven to you in PM. That you've now blocked me on. Shows your true colours. Unblock me and keep the shit in pm or shut the fuck up, moron.

You honestly think I'm gonna waste my time to catch a flight to wherever you live in so we can get into a fist fight?   You wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell with me.  Yeah I blocked you, dude.  You're a sad, bitter, angry little egomaniaic with an inferiority complex.

Now piss off before we both get banned from this site.

Boys, keep it real.

Both are good scripts for the time provided. I wouldn't have want to have gone up against them in that time span.

Leave it there and don't get personal....more than now.

Don has warned you and to be honest, too much crap being thrown around changes the tone of the site.

Peace.

“Perhaps the less we have, the more we are required to brag.” -- John Steinbeck, East of Eden
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"Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble." -- John Madden