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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - A Dog eats Dog World
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  Author    OWC - A Dog eats Dog World  (currently 2416 views)
TheRichcraft
Posted: May 20th, 2010, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
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I like this story.  A little ironic addition to the Soylent Green story.
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Blakkwolfe
Posted: May 20th, 2010, 4:32pm Report to Moderator
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First, nice to see a serious effort. Liked the set up in the old church.

No doubt the riots in Boston were pretty sweet. We know how to riot up there. Old School.

The ozone hole isn't the main problem. It's the build up of carbon emissions that, according to some, is causing the green house effect and global climate change, such as the shrinking of the polar ice caps, Iceland, glaciers around the world.

It serves as a good set-up, however, to the dire conditions of the church and the young man (Name, please) desperate enough to eat a dog (without being tied to a chair and the additional benefit of having it barbecued)

The dialogue is alright, though with some awkward moments.

Dying starving or of disease, what's the difference?

Might be rewritten as "Dying of starvation or disease"...

Also "the Bishop's supplies me enough to feed my body", Bishop should be singular with the plural verb.

I don't know why the priest is grinning when the dog's head is eaten. Is he enjoying this display for some reason?

I dug the Soylent Green reference, although I think it would have been more effective at the beginning, as it has more to do with the story setting than any climatic plot point.

A little sparse, but a nice job.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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michel
Posted: May 27th, 2010, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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First of all, thanks fot everyone's comments. It's the second time I try to come back in the course and I guess my English still needs to improve. But I work on it.

To reply to the most numerous remarks:

I didin't give names to my characters just because I think when the names don't show up in the dialog, you don't need them. Especially when they are only two characters. I could name the priest Father McKenzie and the young man Rocky Racoon, but what for? I'm sure you wouldn't mix the priest and the young man...

"Grinning": I should better say "grimacing" That's what I meant...

I didn't rush the end. I wanted to make people think that the priest was going to eat the young man. I set it up that way. The twist with Soylent Green is very simple:

a tribute to a great film

a paradox for people who think they are eating vegetable which in fact is made of human flesh. It was the firts ideao that rang my bell when I first read the topic.

I don't try to find excuses, but I've tried to establish a decent job but like some of SS old generation, I can feel a deep difference with the recent OWC and the old ones. Now people tend to take it much too seriously for a script written in one week. I personally think that no one in these boards are able to write "the" perfect script in this very short time. One week for a short is just time to establish the great lines of your story. (especially when English is not your fisrt language -but that's my problem. I chose from the stat to write in a different language than mine and I have to pay the price with one more handicap. I don't have to. I know...

I'm sorry if I failed again. Hope I'll do better next time if i'll run...

Take care everyone

Michel


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