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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2011 One Week Challange  ›  The Open Casket - OWC
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  Author    The Open Casket - OWC  (currently 6620 views)
RayW
Posted: October 21st, 2011, 11:42pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Freedom

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Locations & Sets  -   Mountain range castle with turrets (matte/CGI), INT. great fireplace study, EXT castle courtyard, grand entrance hall with stairwell and general castle furnishings, guest room with opulent furnishings, INT. Crypt, INT Dining hall, INT. torture chamber
Actors  -  CORWIN (40s), MADELINE's voice, COACHMAN (50), CHARLES (28 ), MELINDA (17), POE (40)
Costumes  -  1806 Austrian Viscount, Charles and Melinda's period dress, Poe's uniform
Props  -  Dour portraits x12, wingbacked chair, wine & glass, gargoyles and stone angels, oil lamp, room lamps x 4, casket w/ "contents", Madeline portrait version 1 & 2, dining hall place settings w/ glasses, decanter w/ wine, mirror, false wall with sliding door, long gold chain necklace with giant ruby setting, torture chamber accouterments, array of foul metal devices, wooden strapping pole, leather binding straps, gore soaked table, mutilated/eviscerated coachman remains, stunt knife
Audio FX  -  breeze, howling wind, storm wind and lightning, knife clatter, steel cutting flesh
Visual FX  -  lightning, circling crows, CGI/greenscreen two black horses and carriage to castle via mountain road, breeze into fire, mirror crack, blood running on Madeline, swirling dust effect, hook through neck, Corwin's throat slit and blood
Other  -  gotta get a fire going! big fan for blowing in curtains, might need MUA for Madeline in mirror, bright lights for lightning flashes, MUA for cheek hook rip, wirework for supernatural pounce, wirework Charles lift by throat
Comments  -  Dinner at seven, pg 3. Must be summer! Ha - page 5! The Melinda/Madeline thing would likely be fine on screen, but in writing some may get confused with the (likely purposeful) alliteration on your behalf. Turn off your program's dialog (CONT’D) feature. This one is just a wee pricey for a short, but just dandy for a Stephen Sommers flick. Oh, and this is definitely NOT a PG rated short. It's an R.



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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 22nd, 2011, 12:01am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I have chosen this as my # 1. It gave me everything I would desire and expect from a gothic piece. As I mentioned before, (and Phil has generously given his knowledge of the subject too and is much appreciated by me) this really worked with the environment of gothic as we (I) would typically feel and understand it...

Not that it needs to be castles and such, but this piece delivered.

The portrait smiling in the end was a strong visual. It wouldn't have worked if it were just pasted on, but it wasn't. The writer has earned any praise he/she is given and...

The rosy feeling we get when the portrait smiles only comes (we know) because the writer did one helluva good job!!!!!

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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darrentomalin
Posted: October 22nd, 2011, 12:10am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from RayW
Locations & Sets  -   Mountain range castle with turrets (matte/CGI), INT. great fireplace study, EXT castle courtyard, grand entrance hall with stairwell and general castle furnishings, guest room with opulent furnishings, INT. Crypt, INT Dining hall, INT. torture chamber
Actors  -  CORWIN (40s), MADELINE's voice, COACHMAN (50), CHARLES (28 ), MELINDA (17), POE (40)
Costumes  -  1806 Austrian Viscount, Charles and Melinda's period dress, Poe's uniform
Props  -  Dour portraits x12, wingbacked chair, wine & glass, gargoyles and stone angels, oil lamp, room lamps x 4, casket w/ "contents", Madeline portrait version 1 & 2, dining hall place settings w/ glasses, decanter w/ wine, mirror, false wall with sliding door, long gold chain necklace with giant ruby setting, torture chamber accouterments, array of foul metal devices, wooden strapping pole, leather binding straps, gore soaked table, mutilated/eviscerated coachman remains, stunt knife
Audio FX  -  breeze, howling wind, storm wind and lightning, knife clatter, steel cutting flesh
Visual FX  -  lightning, circling crows, CGI/greenscreen two black horses and carriage to castle via mountain road, breeze into fire, mirror crack, blood running on Madeline, swirling dust effect, hook through neck, Corwin's throat slit and blood
Other  -  gotta get a fire going! big fan for blowing in curtains, might need MUA for Madeline in mirror, bright lights for lightning flashes, MUA for cheek hook rip, wirework for supernatural pounce, wirework Charles lift by throat
Comments  -  Dinner at seven, pg 3. Must be summer! Ha - page 5! The Melinda/Madeline thing would likely be fine on screen, but in writing some may get confused with the (likely purposeful) alliteration on your behalf. Turn off your program's dialog (CONT’D) feature. This one is just a wee pricey for a short, but just dandy for a Stephen Sommers flick. Oh, and this is definitely NOT a PG rated short. It's an R.


This is awesome!  I agree with the PG but there is no profanity and the gore (poe getting stabbed, using the knives, impaled on the hook) is as visceral as you want to imagine/film it.  
The disemboweled Coachman could be filmed from the side.
I got a definite 'Hammer' feel from this, rarely an 18 cert (by today's standards!)
Oh, and If anyone does want to film this, they can use my castle as the location... bwahahahahaha!


http://darrentomalin.webs.com/index.htm

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Dreamscale
Posted: October 22nd, 2011, 9:36am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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I would definitely give this an "R" rating, as well.

Using "(CON'T)" for dialogue being spoken by the same person, broken up by action/description lines is not incorrect.  I see that some writers here are against it and say it's something that isn't used anymore, but in reality, it's a personal choice, and in a Spec script, I feel it is a good thing, as it helps with the read, keeps things 100% clear, and also really helps in a table read.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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greg
Posted: October 22nd, 2011, 4:49pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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I've been seeing everyone raving about this one.  I thought it was good but nothing ground breaking.  

Why is Madeline out for revenge?  I figured Corwin would get his but he goes through the trouble to try and bring Madeline back only to get his ass kicked.  Why?  

Who's Belinda?  1800s lingo?

The torture route was also meh, mostly because Charles makes a freakishly convenient escape from Poe.  I will say this - usually with the horror OWC's there's tons of torture pornographies but this one's been pretty tame.  For this script the atmosphere of the torture chamber was almost a character in itself, so that was cool.

It's flawlessly written and polished, quality-wise top notch.  Story-wise I've seen it before.

Nice job anyway.

Greg


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SpecialAgentDaleCooper
Posted: October 23rd, 2011, 10:45am Report to Moderator
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This is exquisite. I noted a few errors, nothing too severe and nothing that hasn't already been addressed, so I've really nothing new to offer in terms of feedback.

Just...well done!
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Leon
Posted: October 24th, 2011, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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Wonderfully written and executed.  Hats off to you.

An enjoyable story, it was familiar and lacked a sense of originality, but it captured the gothic vibe superbly, what more can you ask for.

I didn't think the twist carried enough of an impact though, mainly because there wasn't much depth or details given into the nature of the Melinda's betrayal (or vice versa).  I think there is only one line of dialogue in the script which foreshadows it.

Great work.


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Scoob
Posted: October 24th, 2011, 3:32pm Report to Moderator
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Writing is excellent here, such a great use of words. Same with dialogue, I thought it all sounded very apt in a hammer horror way! I got a serious Prince Of Darkness vibe for the second time in the OWK - not a bad thing at all.

Not much to not like, although I thought it was a bit predictable. That said, I didn't see the twist coming and unless I missed something, I suppose its down to the imagination what Corwin did to Madeline to give her reason for revenge.

Good job.




Revision History (1 edits)
Scoob  -  October 25th, 2011, 9:11pm
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Quiou
Posted: October 25th, 2011, 2:55pm Report to Moderator
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I have no comment concerning this script. I loved it. Great job. The story is good and the atmosphere gothic.
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rdhay
Posted: October 27th, 2011, 7:25pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
Reb, why do you have to "read quickly"?  Always a problem, as you'll miss things you shouldn't miss.


It's not so much about having to, just that when the pacing of the script compels you to read faster and then you stumble over character names that are too similar, it kinda takes you out of the read a bit, IMO

Yes, I'm definitely thinking you wrote this one...
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Dreamscale
Posted: October 27th, 2011, 7:43pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Quoted from rdhay
Yes, I'm definitely thinking you wrote this one...


Who...me?  I thought I didn't enter a script this time around...





To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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rdhay
Posted: October 27th, 2011, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale


Who...me?  I thought I didn't enter a script this time around...





Haha, yeah, cuz you would NEVER try to pull one over on unsuspecting (read: looking for an excuse not to have to submit a lame entry) SS members
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Ectoplasm
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 5:31pm Report to Moderator
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Can I have a sip?

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I really enjoyed this from beginning to end. I thought Poe was great, both disturbing and threatening. It was very well written in my opinion, and I could vision everything happening onscreen.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:37pm Report to Moderator
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Congratulations to the win! Well deserved.


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 7:09pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Darren, your logline really sucked the big banana!!!!!!!!!  

But you bloody well nailed a good script!!!

I hope you are gearing up for one big time Halloween celebration!!!! Rock on!!!!



Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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