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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2011 One Week Challange  ›  The October 2011 Scripts are up!
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  Author    The October 2011 Scripts are up!  (currently 26715 views)
stevie
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 7:08pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



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I just realised that instead of referring to 'PAINT BY NUMBERS', I should've written:

'CARICATURE'.


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jwent6688
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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Quoted from Heretic
James,

It would behoove you as a writer and as a member (and therefore to a degree a representative) of this board to write with civility.  The inappropriate personal attacks and the consistently profane and excessively aggressive diction in your posts not only overshadow any worthwhile content but also support the assumption -- undesirable, I think, on your part -- that no such content exists.



Am cool with it and leaving for the moment. I wanted to call out big bad Baltis before my knees were shackled. I guess this entire site, mods inluded, Are all scared little bitches. Will be the last you hear from me for awhile. It is cool, I adore you all. I just like to write, Time to do something else...



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greg
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Oh Hi

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Whoa, what happened?


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mcornetto
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Seems like someone had a bit of a fit and left.  What would an OWC be like if there wasn't a hissy fit that ended in someone stomping out?  

That was a fairly tame quick one though. Unlike the days of prolonged dragged out miserable arguing we used to have.  So, I guess we can say we've seen an improvement.

I think James will be back after he sobers.    
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rc1107
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from james to bert
Earn your pay byotch.  . Pretty calm waters out there so far, boss.


Hmm.


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bert
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
God of the SimplyScriptsVerse


Buy the ticket, take the ride

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James if you are checking back in, you know that Don has very specific rules -- and in the interests of full disclosure I will claim ownership of the deleted post.

It is not that I am a scared little bitch -- (and I am laughing here, not taking offense) -- it is just that I would not be doing my job (such as it is ) if I were to see a post like that and just let it ride, you know?

Not your first screwball post and won't be your last and you know it.  Not even that big of a deal, really.  Do what you gotta do but check back in when you're ready, eh?


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Baltis.
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 7:43pm Report to Moderator
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James, I've not one clue why you're leaving and or who's refraining you from writing or saying what you feel... Apparently I missed a post or two.  I'll be gone before anyone else, so keep the lid loose on your meds, calm down and stop making a declaration.  Or is it spectacle?  

I made a personal promise to myself, and this site, to read every owc, reguardless if entered and help in anyway I can.  These scripts arent written as showcase peices... They are written to support the site, bring in new writers and test your own abilities should you decide to throw in your chips.

I am using my phone, so I ended my previous post a bit more abruptly than I should've.  I wanted to say "Don should ban 5 or 6 for a week or two".  Until the owc is over.  Why?  Cos there is a group who simply don't care about why the owc's even exist.

All I was saying... Not trying to run anyone off.  Now, i'm going to finish what I set out to do.  Read scripts and give thoughts.

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wonkavite
Posted: October 17th, 2011, 8:00pm Report to Moderator
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Well, just finished my reviews.  And definitely know which three I'm picking.  Obvious stand-outs, all three (leaving mine out of it of course, heheheh.)  
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: October 18th, 2011, 7:56am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


The effects of writing again....

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The one thing that disappointments me about this site is that it always kicks off when I've gone to bed!

May be in the next OWC should do night shifts so I can catch the  STC arguments.

Otherwise getting close to finishing my first read of each one. Yeah it is a mixed bag but I think it is good to see a handful of starter entries. Hopefully some on these can be developed into decent active members.

I haven't yet finished but there are 3/4 preferred choices for me so far.

One question I am wrestling with is how to decide between on the one hand high quality writing and on the other simple good writing but with a more interesting proposal. A couple have proposed interesting ideas but maybe lack the professionalism of other polished scripts.

One to ponder, but I think my preference will towards the creative offerings.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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leitskev
Posted: October 18th, 2011, 8:13am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


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I think we are on the same page, Reef. Story is king. Dialogue is huge, as well, since it's critical to the script. For me, the action writing is important in how it tells the story, how effective the story moves. I could care less about a passive verb or a spelling mistake, though. Don 't even bring up Fades; nothing to do with the story. Just there for the folks that seem to think they're important.

I still have several more to read.  At this point, I have a script that for me is on top of the pile, but it is kind of cliche script with nothing really new. However, it's the only story I've seen that's executed properly in terms of pacing and in terms of grabbing the reader.

Then there are another 3 or 4 stories that have something, but also have at least one major flaw that will have to be addressed on rewrite. I'm not sure how I should weigh that into consideration. I'm not talking about a formatting or writing flaw, but a story flaw.

And then there are a few other stories that are in kind of a unique category. They don't do any of the things I think a story should do, but they have something about them that could be effective in the world of shorts in terms of creating a memorable image.

Some of these scripts could look really good down the road once their issues have been addressed.
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RayW
Posted: October 18th, 2011, 9:45am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Freedom

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About a thousand years from now.
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Quoted from Breanne Mattson
Warning: Breanne's Rant begins in 3... 2...  

There's no reason for any writer to get upset about what a reviewer says. In many ways, writers are the worst reviewers...

People often like to think they're somehow enlightened or above that sort of thing but in reality you're not. Your emotions are easily manipulated, whether you like it or not. And every writer does it. Whether they realize it or not. It works. It sells tickets. People's emotions aren't as ethereal as they think. It's a beautiful thing when it all works out and creates a genuine experience. But people are fooling themselves if they think they're above 'paint by numbers" storytelling.

My God, woman!
You are beautiful!

People b!tch because a story has the same old stuff.
People b!tch when presented with things they're not familiar with.
Well effffffffffff meeeeeeeeeee!
Pick one, would ya?!
[expletive] stupid, dumb [expletive] [expletive]... !!!




Quoted from Sarre1One
question I am wrestling with is how to decide between on the one hand high quality writing and on the other simple good writing but with a more interesting proposal.

Depends upon if you like screenplays as written literature (cough, cough, they're not; they're blueprints) or movies for entertainment, and if I'm not mistaken the point and purpose of screenplays is to hand it over to a filmmaker to make into a film.

That said, when I get around to starting reading these screenplays tomorrow morning it will be from the perspective of "I have a camera, I have a audio guy, and  I can find these settings and appropriate actors to produce this short for a sensible short budget for entry into as many horror film-fests as possible next year".

I don't care about your typos.
I don't care about your slugs.
I don't care about weenie plot points a sensible conversation or three could rectify.
I know I could have written any story of my own to bend three different directions at five different places creating umpteen permutations of the "final" product. And I extend that same courtesy to any of you.

GL eveyone.
I'll get back to you guys hopefully by Friday afternoon with a Valentine's Day Massacre-like posting of reviews in classic, excruciating Ray-style.  



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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 18th, 2011, 3:02pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Ray, can I use the following in a script with one little change I will show below:

Ray's Original:


Quoted from RayW


I don't care about your typos.
I don't care about your slugs.
I don't care about weenie plot points a sensible conversation or three could rectify.
I know I could have written any story of my own to bend three different directions at five different places creating umpteen permutations of the "final" product. And I extend that same courtesy to any of you.

GL eveyone.
I'll get back to you guys hopefully by Friday afternoon with a Valentine's Day Massacre-like posting of reviews in classic, excruciating Ray-style.  


Request to use:

EXT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A cozy living room with sprawling toys... A dinosaur, a transformer and something uniquely homemade... THE FOIL BOX ROCKET, colored with black marker to produce gadgetry and its name reads: S.S. GEMINI IV.

A Simply Scripter, MAJOR TOM, in an S.S. super astronaut suit that is made of old vacuum hoses and house discards Ghost Buster style.

Enters the box in his white space suite.

Once inside...

INT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET, TOM'S BEDROOM

The interior of this box is actually a room, amazingly plush with a green lounger. It's the size of a typical child's bedroom, but with foil lined walls. Stuffed plush toys abound.

Major Tom straps himself into the lounger and commences
to put on his helmet.

FLASH:

INT. GROUND CONTROL ROOM

Blinding white room. Ground Control Man uniformed in blue and white, he shall be known as ERETZ. He scribbles notes on a pad and punches keys on a calculator.

INT. ALUMINUM BOX ROCKET, LIVING ROOM

Eretz blows a bubble of his gum.

ERETZ
I think it's good. Primary location
for rocket interior should be your bedroom.

MAJOR TOM
But I wanted to be inside the rocket.

ERETZ
Just pretend.

MAJOR TOM
Got anymore gum?

Eretz hands him a chunk.

INT. ALUMINUM FOIL  BOX ROCKET, TOM'S BEDROOM

Major Tom secures his helmet strap.

ERETZ (O.S.)
Ground Control to
Major Tom.

INT. GROUND CONTROL ROOM

Major Tom's voice exits through Eretz's silver speaker that is really only a cheese grater. Through the cheese grater:

MAJOR TOM (O.S.)
By the by and righty-oh. Confirmed and...

INT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET, TOM'S BEDROOM

Major Tom grips the sides of the lounger.

MAJOR TOM
...ready for lift off.

INT. GROUND CONTROL ROOM

Eretz excitedly points his fingers to LIFT OFF BUTTON, on a Keurig coffee maker.

ERETZ
Three...

INT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET, TOM'S BEDROOM

The tin foil room is now dark, but light spangles forth, colors rain from a disco ball that twirls

Eretz is now in this room, too. He flicks the light switch on and off rapidly.

MAJOR TOM
Allez! Allez! Get out, Eretz.
You're ruining it! You need to
be at controls!

Eretz
I am I am. See?

He flicks the light faster.

Major Tom jumps out of the lounger and attacks Eretz, wrestling him to the ground.

ERETZ
(laughing)
Ok, I give I give.

Eretz runs to his station outside the bedroom.

Major Tom gets back into position on the lounger, his eyes fasten on the sound:

ERETZ (O.S.)
Three...

Major Tom shakes his head.

MAJOR TOM
No wait!

INT. CONTROL ROOM

Eretz gives a "shucks now what".

ERETZ
What's the matter?

Through the grater...

MAJOR TOM (O.S.)
I'm scared.

INT. FOIL BOX ROCKET, TOM'S BEDROOM

Major Tom is stuck motionless in his lounger as he looks around trying to think.

ERETZ (O.S.)
You were alright earlier, what happened?

MAJOR TOM
I think I forgot something.

ERETZ (O.S.)
You don't NEED anything, remember?
Just your imagination.

Major Tom sighs, relieved.

MAJOR TOM
Phewf! Had this weird thought for a moment...
Never mind...

He braces.

MAJOR TOM
By the by and righty oh...

INT. CONTROL ROOM

Eretz begins his three twirls as the room blurs out of focus...

ERETZ
Three...

EXT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET, LIVING ROOM

Eretz takes a Lik-M-Aid stick, dips it in the colored sugary pack and sucks.

ERETZ
Sorry, got distracted. One more time...
Three...

He takes hold of the foil box rocket and shakes it.

INT. CONTROL ROOM

But Eretz is also here into his second twirl the blur passes on...

ERETZ
Two...

INT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET SHIP, TOM'S BEDROOM

Major Tom scrunches his eyes closed.

INT. CONTROL ROOM

Eretz STOPS his twirl. Big excited smile! He takes his big hand...

There it goes... to push...

There's a tiny lit blue screen. READY TO BREW

The Keurig coffee pot button--  

He presses it. BREWING. SCHLUUUP the coffee runs, girgling
into an S.S. coffee mug.

EXT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET, LIVING ROOM

Still shaking the box rocket...

ERETZ
Pruuuuuurr.....rrrr

RAH! A real rocket's sound erupts from the Eretz's animated voice.

A real ROCKET SHIP TAKE OFF sound envelopes the room.

INT. ALUMINUM FOIL BOX ROCKET, TOM'S BEDROOM

RUMBLERAH.... And the interior of the rocket. Major Tom braces himself inside his lounger, clinging to the chair's arms.

And then...

EXT. MAJOR TOM'S HOUSE  PORCH

In the dreamy moonlight, Major Tom, drops a toy PARACHUTE MAN off the top step.

It floats down, slow mo. He runs down to grab it. Eretz runs behind him.

They fall down on the moonlit grass, staring up at the moon.

ERETZ
What should happen after you leave the craft?

MAJOR TOM
I think I wind up hearing G-d.

ERETZ
What does he say?

RUFFLE OF CLOTHING as they're up and...

AT CHERRY TREE

Climbing it now... higher, higher... branches cross us, stars fly
at weird angles. Into more black until... the moon's light overtakes us

COMPLETELY WHITE SCREEN

G-D
I don't care about your typos.
I don't care about your slugs.
I don't care about weenie plot points a sensible conversation or three could rectify.
I know I could have written any story of my own to bend three different directions at five different places creating umpteen permutations of the "final" product. And I extend that same courtesy to any of you!

COMPLETELY BLACK SCREEN

HOLLOW ECHO SOUNDS.

ERETZ
Major words, Major Tom.

MAJOR TOM
Righty oh. Let's go get some SPITZ.

ERETZ
Me first!

SOUND OF RUNNING AWAY...

INT. ACROSS GRASS LAWN

FEET RUNNING... Rise up... once again...

Into the black.

FADE OUT:



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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RayW
Posted: October 18th, 2011, 3:40pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Freedom

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Sandra -

L.
M.
Asterisk.
Off!

Please, just modify any God references to celestial entities and it's all good!  


Now, can I take a camera, can I take an audio guy...



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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 18th, 2011, 3:49pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from RayW
Sandra -

L.
M.
Asterisk.
Off!

Please, just modify any God references to celestial entities and it's all good!  


Now, can I take a camera, can I take an audio guy...




Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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leitskev
Posted: October 18th, 2011, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


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I just started reading a script that is currently a Nichol's finalist(top 10). No FADE IN or OUT. I f'N love it! There is a THE END instead, and at the beginning is a NOTE explaining it is mockumentary.  I love it!
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