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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April, 2009 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Secret Package
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  Author    OWC - Secret Package  (currently 3829 views)
Brian M
Posted: April 16th, 2009, 3:02pm Report to Moderator
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I'll be honest and say I laughed more at "Love is all you need" and we know what everyone thinks of that. I'm not saying this is bad, I just didn't find it funny in the slightest. Comedy is subjective, blah, blah, blah.

On the plus side, the descriptions were clear, easy to undertsand. A lot was packed into very few pages, maybe that's why it missed the mark with me, I don't know.  
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grademan
Posted: April 17th, 2009, 11:46am Report to Moderator
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This one was fun! I did like the writing and pace. It was light on meeting the criteria - I mean if we were writing comedy, let's all write comedy.
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michel
Posted: April 17th, 2009, 4:19pm Report to Moderator
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Weird and well written but doesn't hit the genre. In fact, the secret is revealed but to us not the other characters. Good thing. BTW, are Mark, Pia, and Jerry related? If not, they're not family.

Michel


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cloroxmartini
Posted: April 18th, 2009, 1:11pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto
I didn't think this was that much of a drama, it was a bit more of a satirical comedy.  It was also full of in-jokes to the point where anyone who wasn't pretty much a regular to the site wouldn't get it.  For what it was it was amusing.

I don't think it took the challenge serious though. And from what I could tell no secret was revealed at a picnic.  The fact that their was a secret was, but not the secret itself.

And also, if you're going to have flashbacks please indicate them in some way.


You get 5,000 of my worthless points...


Quoted from Don

Yes, all are military leaders.    You get 10,000 points (totally worthless).
Don


...for (being the first at) pegging where this all came from.

While the thread disappeared (I think), there were a couple of joked about Genre/Themes (Pia package and Kidman), and two official Genre/Themes. I read that thread with some interest, what with all the Pia package jokes and all, then the Nicole Kidman stuff, then the elevator rants, etc. etc. Each reference put something in my head that stayed there. The catalyst was reading a story on Pentagon budget cuts and from there the thing wrote itself.

so for those that got confused...


Quoted from Zombie Sean
Buahaha I was so confused until the elevator part.



Quoted from Dreamscale
but...I don't see any of the theme whatsoever, unless I missed something.  And that could easily have happened, with all the various wierd shit going on...but didn't understand anything here at all, and didn't really care to, based on the obvious weirdness of the whole thing.



Quoted from MBCgirl
What??????


You couldn't have said it better.


Quoted from JamminGirl
I wasn't following the action in the jet. Neither did I get the relevance of Letterman or Nicole Kidman



Quoted from BryMo
What ??? Pia, Nicole, Letterman... why have so much shit going on!?



Quoted from michel
Weird


...sorry.


As for being serious about it (many comments on that one), you have a point, however getting all four elements became a challenge to me. You and the others who commented about being off challenge, are technically correct. Won't be the first (nor the last) time someone's chastised me for coloring outside the lines.


and for the other 5,000 worthless points...


Quoted from Murphy
I have no idea why people are against somebody injecting a bit of fun into the OWC?


you get 'em.

And last, but the most important:

for Pia, I don't know you, and I hope I didn't offend by injecting you in the story like I did. You do kick ass here, though.
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Angry Bear
Posted: April 18th, 2009, 2:19pm Report to Moderator
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Hey,

I had to of course read this one!!!

Don't worry about offending me or make fun of me. I do all the time. What's also funny is that I happen to know someone else was inspired to write something regarding the "discussions" after the OWC announcement. It's titled Pia's Package... Does this mean I'm a star now????  

I actually liked this one a lot! I thought it was funny and I was impressed by the writing. Great action writing!

Was it drama about a secret revealed at a family picnic? Not really, but the script was none the less a great read.

You did great.  


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Colkurtz8
Posted: May 16th, 2009, 1:47pm Report to Moderator
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Pretty action packed stuff, I don't know why everyone is gettin so stressed out over it not taking the OWC seriously. Everyone has there own way of telling a story, although the secret part was slightly overlooked, it wasn't the big "oh" most people were expecting especially based on the other works submitted.

It had its moments, a good slice of tongue in cheek humour.


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