, I can't believe you only gave me a measely 28/50. How mean! *pouts*
Yeah, It wasn't a conventional family but single people in a foreign country sometimes rely on friends to play familial roles.
Yeah, thanks for the dialogue comment. I made sure it was authentic because I often cringe at inauthentic dialogue.
Fortunately for me with this story, it was loosely(this is important) based on actual events and since I know most of the
characters involved, it wasn't hard to make the dialogue real.
Bear in mind that I rushed this script(from the wee hours in the morning to about 9:00AM) in order to meet the deadline.
I didn't even realize that I had about 24 hours more.
The errors: I started the script using Celtx but I hated the fact that it didn't automatically and certain attributes like
Final Draft does. I exported the script to text so that I could import it into Final Draft but it messed up the dialogue/action format.
I didn't realize until much much later. I quickly did a fix and resend to Don. unfortunately I wasn't thorough enough.
Hey Zombie Sean
I remember thinking, too many characters as I wrote but the scenes were written the very first way I
imagined without revision. In terms of the timing, I deliberately left out superimposed timelines. Instead I went with conventions I see in recent times.
Time exposition through dialgue(and picture). I guess this should be used tentatively...1987brian
Yeah, a bbq isn't a picnic. You're right. The ending, well I wrote that around 8:00AM when my brain started winding down.
It could've been better. In terms of the secret, well the phone call during the morning hours and Constance ignoring the call is a bit questionable.
along with his sexual proclivities, blowing Tracey off on his birthday for the friend and the friend acting like a jealous woman the very first time he met her.
I used behaviour...Dreamscale
, what can I say, all opinions are welcome.bobtheballa
the same applies here.Astrid
I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or insult. Compliment that you think it's formatted well enough to
be a pilfered one, or insult that I would copy an existing story. I'll go with the former.Andrew Allen
I guess not all character intros can over smoothely, eh? It wasn't meant to be exclusionary.
Thanks for the decent comment.Sham
, seriously, would you have preferred the use of dialogue instead of action to portray an integral story point?
In terms of the timelines, maybe I'll consider a different method of showing the pasting of time...Lakewood
yeah, you're right about changing the first scene. A short only has so much pages to start a story...seamus19382
, again, all opinions are welcome.George Willson
Opinion recieved. Thanks. As for the timelines, will work on that.rc1107
, since I'm Jamaican myself, I think I'm in a better position to decipher Jamaican colloquialisms than you do.
I'm not worried about how you spend your time. Thanks for the opinion.steven8
Actually, I thought the last line might bring a smile to the face of many but it
was used to give a tone/feel of speechless shock. Yeah, maybe Tracey's specific reaction would've made a difference...