JohnnyBoy, I can't believe you only gave me a measely 28/50. How mean! *pouts*
Yeah, It wasn't a conventional family but single people in a foreign country sometimes rely on friends to play familial roles.
Yeah, thanks for the dialogue comment. I made sure it was authentic because I often cringe at inauthentic dialogue.
Fortunately for me with this story, it was loosely(this is important) based on actual events and since I know most of the
characters involved, it wasn't hard to make the dialogue real.
Bear in mind that I rushed this script(from the wee hours in the morning to about 9:00AM) in order to meet the deadline.
I didn't even realize that I had about 24 hours more.
The errors: I started the script using Celtx but I hated the fact that it didn't automatically and certain attributes like
Final Draft does. I exported the script to text so that I could import it into Final Draft but it messed up the dialogue/action format.
I didn't realize until much much later. I quickly did a fix and resend to Don. unfortunately I wasn't thorough enough.
Hey
Zombie Sean, thanks!
I remember thinking, too many characters as I wrote but the scenes were written the very first way I
imagined without revision. In terms of the timing, I deliberately left out superimposed timelines. Instead I went with conventions I see in recent times.
Time exposition through dialgue(and picture). I guess this should be used tentatively...
1987brian Yeah, a bbq isn't a picnic. You're right. The ending, well I wrote that around 8:00AM when my brain started winding down.
It could've been better. In terms of the secret, well the phone call during the morning hours and Constance ignoring the call is a bit questionable.
along with his sexual proclivities, blowing Tracey off on his birthday for the friend and the friend acting like a jealous woman the very first time he met her.
I used behaviour...
Dreamscale, what can I say, all opinions are welcome.
bobtheballa the same applies here.
Astrid I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or insult. Compliment that you think it's formatted well enough to
be a pilfered one, or insult that I would copy an existing story. I'll go with the former.
Andrew Allen I guess not all character intros can over smoothely, eh? It wasn't meant to be exclusionary.
Thanks for the decent comment.
Sham, seriously, would you have preferred the use of dialogue instead of action to portray an integral story point?
In terms of the timelines, maybe I'll consider a different method of showing the pasting of time...
Lakewood yeah, you're right about changing the first scene. A short only has so much pages to start a story...
seamus19382, again, all opinions are welcome.
George Willson Opinion recieved. Thanks. As for the timelines, will work on that.
rc1107, since I'm Jamaican myself, I think I'm in a better position to decipher Jamaican colloquialisms than you do.
I'm not worried about how you spend your time. Thanks for the opinion.
steven8 Thanks!
mcornetto Actually, I thought the last line might bring a smile to the face of many but it
was used to give a tone/feel of speechless shock. Yeah, maybe Tracey's specific reaction would've made a difference...
Thanks!