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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April, 2009 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - The Weekend Break
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  Author    OWC - The Weekend Break  (currently 2901 views)
cloroxmartini
Posted: April 18th, 2009, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
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For some reason I didn't buy in emotionally and can't put my finger on why. I should because I can partially relate to this, and maybe the partial is the reason I can't.

You ever read (it's posted on SS), or see, I Loved You So Long? Somehow I think this could be similar to that.
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bobtheballa
Posted: April 18th, 2009, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Brian M

I'm glad you enjoyed it. You're spot on about the dialogue for Chloe.



Everything coming back so quickly seems to be a problem for most. I'm sure with a re-write, this can be fixed. Thanks for the feedback and review!


Good luck with this one, I'd love to take a look again if you re-write it.

Also, I know you mentioned to someone else that the bunny running by was supposed to be a clue but I think that's a bit of a stretch with the bunny just running by. What if you had it standing a foot away from the girl chewing on a blade of grass? We have loads of them here and it's not a stretch to see them running by; they even jump in front of cars. The one thing they won't let you do though is get too close, so if you had one so calm and close to the girl it could be a subtle clue. Just a suggestion.
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JamminGirl
Posted: April 18th, 2009, 4:50pm Report to Moderator
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I can't believe I didn't write a review on this one. I know I read it and thought it was quite good.
must have been during my self-imposed abstenance.
You know what, different women deal with such issues differently. How she deals with the issue depends on her personality and personal history.

I think it's entirely possible that her guilt makes her delusional. I like how you dealt with revelations and reversals. You're a talent.


Family Picnic 10 pages.

After the Trade 3 pages

by T. Jasmine Hylton
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