Up from the depths

Slightly weird dialogue with husband and wife
Married and not seen her assets - then go to Maui - hummm
Palm tree at the edge of the beach - what's going on here
Ok descending into pisser territory
Ripping trunks - actually I quite liked that....what I mean is....
Tripping over your erection, ok I hate it when that happens....sigh
Rogue tiger shark POV!!

Sorry I then got tired

At least it didn't have.... Were gonna need a larger boat.... That was a relief

A spoof. Took me a few pages. I just thought it was a bad script, unintentionally.

I could accept the rule break if it was funny. I'm sure there are some laughs to be found with a straight up Jaws spoof. The only one that worked me was the one about keeping the shark as a pet.

It makes me wonder though. Why waste time on this? At least make it funny, or Andy Kaufman like unfunny.

Comedy was allowed, wasn't it?

And this was pretty fukking funny. It read like a Penthouse Forum letter.

I know the primary focus was to write a serious story about a shark.

But I have to be honest, this was refreshing. Nice break from the drama shark-fest.

Not a chance in hell it's could be made, but it took the writer balls to put something out there for everyone to have some fun.

Good job!!!

Shawn.....><

Took me a few pages to realise it was a pisser. I want this made just to see those lovely titties and my pants can go RIP!!! POP!!! BOING!!!

Nuff said.

Someone having some fun with us, I think. Could tell from the title page.

Nothing wrong with a little levity now and then.

Surprised Jeff was ok with it. He usually crusades against these types of pissers. Sends out Ukrainian hitmen to torture the writers.

No serious review required since it was not a serious attempt. Thanks for that, writer!

Between the script and the comments, this is clearly a pisser. I’m not sure what critique I could put down for such a script. If I were to say that the dialogue was very expositional and eventually flat out painful to get through…well…it’s a pisser. So what could I say?

Pg. 5 “Sorry…guess it’s a guy thing” Nailed it. The humor was like Tom and Jerry with tits.

Congrats on entering the OWC

Well, read it. Baby rogue shark was a nice take, some smiles toward the end. It'd be quite easy to make actually, with some quick camera work. I don't think all of the dialogue needed to be as deliberatley bad as it was.

The HELL did I just read?  lol.  Some sick baby tiger shark porn fetish thing going on with this one.  Why is EVERYONE obsessed with sex?  The hell is going on?!?

Well... err... k then.  

Between coconuts bonking sexually frustrated peepers on the head, wives engaging in foreplay with each other, tiger sharks giving aroused men BJ's and... you know what, just read it and see what I mean.  Bonkers beyond belief.

That's the word I'd use to describe this.  BONKERS.  Literally.  

Now I have to go and wash.  

Short - Madcap/10 (felt like a porno with a shark)
Shark - Gross/10 (read the above)

So this is what they call a piss-take? I thought this was hilarious! Every time I read the words 'you get me' I'd laugh out loud.

Have to love it for what it is I suppose. I would bet the writer actually 'can' write and was just having some fun. I had a good time reading it, you got me?

The line that killed me was, "Oh honey...Mama said it might be big like that, but...WOW!" That along with many others.

Was some funny shit.

I would like this script if it was actually shot and I had access to a mute button on the remote...and could pick who was playing the part of Katie.

Wait, the last names of the couple is Peters? Really?

Quoted from CrusaderVoice Wait, the last names of the couple is Peters? Really?

Ahaha!!

The embedded brilliance of a madman...

or perhaps a soul weeping for equality.

Shawn.....><

29. Up from the Depths 2 - Young Newlyweds are menaced by a rogue shark while honeymooning on Maui.
Brief - Newlywed idiots on a Hawaiian beach meet a shark and new friends.

Characters to Animate/Voice - 5
Katie, Josh, Maccabee, baby tiger shark, Pazia
Scenes to Build  - 3
Maui Prince hotel, shack, beach, Mac in a coconut tree
Accessory Visual - average
Fin, coconut fall, binocular vignette, sarong off, shorts out + off, bouncing boobies
Accessory Audio - average
Beach waves, coconut bonk, RIP!!! POP!!! BOING!!!, wave splash,

Genre & Marketability - Fantasy comedy
Script format - Good
Comments  -  WTF. Title page: 12pt courier. I'm ditching that hotel build for economy's sake. Oh, darling dialog (rolls eyes)!
     Turn off your program's Mores and Continueds feature.
     Out at page eight. I'm all for a good animated porn story, but this isn't really good enough to warrant the hassle.
     Producerâ's hat is off, reader's hat on: Comedy's hard to do. The premise is great, some of the lines forced, the humor is a wee juvenile - and that there's what's killing it.
Amusing adult content told well for a juvenile audience. I'm honestly disappointed at the combo. It's like you're afraid to try to do a good job because if it fails then you're exposed. So, you bunt to first base.
Final word - Pass. Wonderful premise just gets progressively dumber and dumber, probably as the night wore on and the sobriety of day waned.

10/15           Lo/Hi Estimated Build Hours per Screen Minute
x 11.9          Screenplay Pages
= 119/179     Total Build Hours Time Cost

Wrong one Ray...