This delivers. The tables get turned. Not crazy original, but effective and entertaining.

I like how you toyed with my expectations with that opening. With this title and the horror genre, I expected that tape sound was related to something shocking and deviant. Nope, just taping up a photo. Nice. I like this sort of playful manipulation. I hope it continues. And then you deliver our expectations. Someone is bound. And you enter DEXTER territory. I expect we have a dark vigilante.

I like your decision to have the silent captor. It makes the situation more unnerving. Mysterious. Scary.  you have a lot of strong visual details as Dennis goes in and out. Atmospheric. Once the tables are turned this gets gruesome fast. Savage in language and violence. Brutal and effective. Technically watch your "of" instead of "have". IE: "would have" p.5 . I loved that description about Christmas dinner and then the one about the land mine.

Looks like Dennis invited company for this revenge party. That was cool how the tables are turned again. Kinda freaky design too. Also a good part of effective horror is the sound design. I think you did well with those elements. Im glad you took time to give a few considerations on the soundscape.

I like how you tie together the end with the beginning. I'm thinking of how the sound of tape draws on our expectations like a childish innocent balloon with sounds of torture. I also like how you spin the zombie stuff. They return from death lead by vengeance. And I like the extra touch with the stitching needle.

You've included a lot of important genre elements and played with our expectations.

While the concept isn't mind blowing it is very effective, balanced,  and well executed.

Fast paced. Simple. No elaborate portal/spells. Realistic horror balanced with otherworldly.     *  *  *  1/2  (of5)

The thing I get the most from writing shorts is they essentially help hone scene/sequence writing. Especially when there’s a page limit, you don’t have time or space to putz around because you’re thinking of the big picture. With a short, the small picture is the big picture and all the work goes into crafting the small stuff.

I think this, for the most part, is very well constructed scene. The set-up is (or seems) clear. The information is doled out in an engaging way. And finally the scene turns around completely. We spend the whole time worried about what Dennis is going to do to Colin, and within half a page find ourselves wishing he’d had the chance to do it. It could be edited down some (only one trip to the truck perhaps), but it worked for me

What happens next is for the criteria. Someone reading this outside the challenge would have a total, “what the hell is happening” moment. So you can either go to the beginning and setup the supernatural aspect, or you can come up with some other moment. Maybe one that’s more fitting.

Also going for it: I like Dennis the ‘silent’ menace. I have to imagine there’s nothing more unnerving than pleading for your life to some who reacts not...one...bit. And if you cut out the 15 extras at the end, you’ve probably got the easiest one to film I’ve read so far.

All in all a good show.

This is good.

An enjoyable read.

I love the setting and the revenge aspect too. It gets very creepy and tense at the end.

The pictures being hung up around the greenhouse was a nice touch.

Writing could use a bit of a touch up but well done on this.

Always seems to be at least one ‘character wakes up tied to a chair’ idea in the mix.  The set-up lends itself well to a short I guess -- though it’s tricky to put a new spin on the idea.  

Thought this was nicely handled for the page count.  More straight revenge/horror than fantasy.  The execution was kept tight, despite the odd hammy ‘where am I’ and ‘you don’t have to do this’.  Got to be better dialogue options.  The moment Colin turned the tables made for a decent twist -- brutal as written.  

Unfortunately giving Colin the dialogue role left Dennis with little room to set-up the portal or really give an insight into his plan.  I get that he was seeking revenge for his family though I’d have to guess that the portal was implied by the candles and his concern with the time?

Would a psychopathic killer cry?  I always thought these types lacked the necessary hard-wiring to show emotion -- just a thought.

Familiar ground but deftly handled which kept it entertaining.  

Heh.  Betsey Ross.  Don't know if Don picked that name, or you did.  But either way, well done.  

The positive: definitely a solid skilled writer behind this one.  And as a tale of revenge, it's pretty interesting.  Although - unless I missed it - the supernatural aspects of the story don't seem to have an explanation?  And they should... in some form.  Otherwise, the reader reaction (mine, at least) is wha?  Where the heck did that come from?

I'd argue that this one doesn't fit the OWC challenge... BUT, if reworked a bit as a straight out supernatural revenge story (with more explanation), this could be a very nifty little piece.

As I go...

Not sure anyone will relate to "the sound of duct tape being unravled and torn", but let's see where we go.

Well, apparently, we're going there again!     OK...

"...and legs even firmer to each other" - Obviously extremely awkwardly phrased here.

Hmmm...not sure I can relate to a greenhouse that has been erected simply to house a prisoner, nor how we see outside of it so clearly.  "pick up truck" - pickup truck.

"man" needs to be CAPPED, as it's his first appearance - doesn't matter if he's not named here..

"men and women in their late teens" - are these actually "men and women"?  IMO, these are teenagers.

Page 2 - now you CAP peeps intro'd in a picture?  And you use an aside to describe their inner feelings?  Not good, IMO.

Writing is not good and this is dragging.  It's a cheat not to intro this "man", and since we don't know anyone otehr than Colin, what are you trying to hide?

Page 3 - OK, now you intro him?  Really?  What were you waiting for?  Did you think, once we knew it was "Dennis", we'd all of a sudden know something you didn't want us to?  Big mistake here, bro.  No reason for this at all.

I see this is very short, but I have zero interest in continuing, as I have no reason to hope or fear for either character.  Writing is not good, but not terrible, but there's no story here that I can see or care to continue with.  

Great title – the best of the OWC IMO – might have to steal it.

“sits in a sturdy wooden chair.” Sits in? Probably should be “sits on”

“securely bolted down” Don’t think you need “securely” here.

“He struggles in an attempt to break free” Writing’s fine, no worries – actually a breeze to read, but I can’t help but think that some things could be tightened. For example, this could just be “He struggles to break free” Exactly the same thing – maybe it’s just me.

“It seems to of been erected for this occasion.” That seems odd – does this mean it’s been built for this exact purpose? I thought a shed would have been as effective, but maybe there’s more behind this plot point.

“A man” Should you cap man? It’s a first introduction of sorts – I guess this is where peeps say you should name characters straight away. I’m not bothered or anything, just throwing it out there.

“carrying a small rectangular dining table” This can’t be the heavy object that was dragged across the bed of the truck, surely?

“Colin freezes” Makes sense, he is tied up.

I like this but I’m beginning to get weary now, and it feels like the story has stalled at “you don’t have to do this?” I also am not keen to see every individual movement Dennis makes. I think a few pages could be trimmed to quicken the pace.

I spoke to soon – some nice action here that comes at the right time for the reader. Well, for this reader anyway.

Yeah, not much to complain about here – this one hit the nail on the head IMO. It’s a simple story well executed – well done. There were some little niggles in the writing, but I can tell it’s from someone who knows their way around a script so what’s the point.

If I had to throw out a complaint, it might be that it’s kinda short and we don’t really get to know the characters from which I mean Dennis really – we should be following his story and why he’s tied a guy up in a secluded greenhouse. That doesn’t get washed over, but it could be played on more for effect, by which I mean his (apparent death, and rising) would mean more to us.

But in terms of the challenge and the restrictions you had to adhere too, this isn’t bad at all. Could be even better after those pesky restrictions are out the way and you can give it a rewrite.

"A photograph is held against a sheet of glass and secured to
it with a single piece of tape." -- could just say "A photograph is taped to a window" - something simpler.

Some comma whackness.

"It seems to of been" - !

"but only his legs are visible due to the photographs
now covering the front top half of the greenhouse." - is that a necessary detail?

He knows this man. - of course the audience doesn't know this.

Wait, is Dennis the kidnapper guy? Why wait so long to introduce him? We've seen his face before this.

Why isn't Dennis talking? Another mute?

Is the picture in the paper one of them? Why not say so?

After the sound - past tense.

OK, why wouldn't Dennis talk when Colin is unconscious?

Seems like the other world and Halloween stuff was just tacked on the end of a crime story. Didn't make much sense story wise to me, perhaps if it was setup a bit more?

19.  Justice at Sundown by Betsy Ross - A man wakes up, tied to a chair in a greenhouse on Halloween. With only a strange man to keep him company and even stranger things happening outside.

Alright, I’m not “really” reading your screenplay, I’m going to “watch” this short horror-fantasy film and just make comments as I “watch.”

With a title like ‘Justice at Sundown’ this sounds like a western.
Re duct tape, nope. Not a western.
Nice opening scene. Looks like Colin’s scrrrrewwwwed!
I like Dennis’ measured indifference to Colin’s pleas.
Nice turn of events, Colin getting the upper hand… er… bite on Dennis.
Nice Dennis resurrection.
Creepy scene of the others banging on the outside of the greenhouse, but wouldn’t that be hard to tell at night? Whatever. It’s all good.
Done.

Very nice. Good tale.
Wish the greenhouse had something more to play into the story, but there is as good as anywhere.

Suggested construct alternatives:
- Turn off your screenwriting program’s “mores & continueds” feature.
- Mouth stitching is a one-and-done sorta thing, like killing or hanging. Not much to really really torture or “make one pay” for past sins against many.  The story would benefit from some injustice or inflicted pain that is cumulative in nature - could be performed repeatedly over and over. That way the ghosts of victims past could spend an entire night abusing Colin.  No, I have no ideas off the top of my head. Sorry.