Couldn't get to a lot of entries this time around, I think it's the first time in a year or two where I didn't read them all. A lot of signing going on here, Jeff, and a few asides too which I thought was funny. I feel as if you edited it towards the end to make a little more outrageous, just some very strange stuff here...

JEFFRO.  LOL.  Your review of your own work had me rolling.  

I liked the beginning.  The signing got on my nerves, though.

I liked a lot of the "NC 17 Material"...great to see a writer take some ballsy risks.

Overall, this didn't blow my hair back, but it had its moments.

Good to see something from you, too.  I eagerly await your next feature about union meetings.  

I love the title (recalls Ti West's "The House of the Devil") and enjoyed the depraved extremities you went to in the factory maze of horror, that place was every kind of horrible but I didn't grasp what the story or point was outside of fulfilling the challenge's criteria.

We're introduced to this family, the kids go to the maze of horror, bad stuff happens, one is saved by the other. The townsfolk has all been possessed in some way, which was creepy but it didn't lead to anything.

I did like the unnerving tall men guarding the entrances though.

Then there is the tequila skulling husband who seems nice at first, if a little scattered (due to his boozing) and ornery (in his wariness of the party his kids are going to) but turns out to be an abusive basta?d to his long suffering wife. Fine, ok...but it had nothing do with what was going on, or at least wasn't followed up on. Instead, it was brought to a point and left there.

Also, it seems as if Julia turns into Maria in the final page which I presume was a typo. Or was there some transference of mother into daughter spirit going on here?

In addition, religion triumphing over evil was tossed in at the last minute as a "reason" why Clavo was able to vanquish the beast and afford a somewhat (Angelika was still slaughtered) upbeat ending which was felt so lame and tacked on. The oldest good vs. evil battle in the book, beyond unoriginal.

Overall, a bit of a head-scratcher this one, and not in a good way. It just didn't make much sense, ill conceived and incomplete.

Thanks for reading, COl.

THis was a last minute piece of shit entry that will embarrass me for years.  You are on the money with much of what you said.  Read my post from last week for more details on this pathetic effort.

Hope all is well, bro.

Hey Jeff,

Hope you're doing well. Been a while since I last read a Dreamscale script. Actually it's been a while since I read a short  - especially an OWC entry (hate those).

Bearing in mind that it's an OWC entry, with the limitations that impose, I did not hate it. Really. You call this a pathetic effort, something to be embarrassed about, I don't see it that way. Yes, it's certainly not a fully fleshed out story, the ending is super fucking rushed and the whole Jose sub-plot is not really relevant to the story in its current shape...but, minus a few clunky parts, it's really well written.

There's a shitload of atmosphere right off the bat, you've got an interesting choice of family dynamics, mute kids and whatnot. I could easily see this fleshed out into a feature. Make the building much bigger, maybe it's got underground tunnels and shit, and have pretty much the entire second and third act take place inside the building. You've got kids that can't call out for help - what a great obstacle. I would love to read that - just do me a favor and cut back on your usual chattery characters, you follow  

Cheers
Rob

Where you been, Rob?  Long time, bro.

Thanks for reading.  Also thanks for not takinjg a huge shit on this crapper.

Yeah, I actually liked the beginning, but things quickly fell apart and I just didn't have the time to even reread it once before submitting.  I'm going to leave this deadhorse alone and let him rot.

Hope all is well with you!