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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The Quickie Challenge  ›  Numbers of the Beast - QC - Filmed! Moderators: MarkItZero
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  Author    Numbers of the Beast - QC - Filmed!  (currently 3992 views)
Michael
Posted: August 21st, 2017, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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Makes me want to go down the street and kick the Priest there in the nuts...
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Tyler King
Posted: August 22nd, 2017, 12:32am Report to Moderator
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A story about a priest raping boys? How original. Format was good, but story wise, unoriginal and tiresome... everyone attacking the priests. lol, they aren't the only rapists and pedos in this world. I agree with everyone else though, good title.
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ajr
Posted: August 22nd, 2017, 6:32am Report to Moderator
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I think we catch on to what's happening by page 2 with the children discussing tale the big kids tell and the infirmary. Evil little tale. There's really no point to the priest using the dice as a selection method IMO and really no point to showing this at all, really. Priests rape children, on film. Too much subject matter for a 3 page script.


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DanC
Posted: August 22nd, 2017, 3:16pm Report to Moderator
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I can't add much more.  It was an awful story subject matter.

It seemed to be pretty good, but, there was no tension.  

If the boys are being raped, I'd suspect they'd be much quieter or scared.  The atmosphere seemed off for it.

Sorry, not my cup of tea.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
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Stumpzian
Posted: August 22nd, 2017, 3:56pm Report to Moderator
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Well-written, well-paced.

As familar as this subject has become, I still felt a chill when the priest came for Alex.

Henry




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StevenClark
Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 6:47am Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Very good writing, good story, good flow. The characters were well drawn, and I could see them clearly and hear them speaking.  The Priests' use of the dice was clever when they were first shown - made me feel that he definitely had a sinister purpose. I'm sure there's a nit or two somewhere, but overall I liked this script a lot. One of my favs, for sure, but... The abusive priest thing is getting kind of old. Been there done that. That being said, great work!

Steve


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denamckinnon
Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 9:00pm Report to Moderator
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This was well written. I like the way the title tied into this story.

One thing I would've liked is some more tension and possibly conflict. A twist may be nice as well.. This is a dark subject... I don't really like reading it but it was done well.

Good job.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: August 25th, 2017, 7:35am Report to Moderator
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The whole build-up is a bit slow and complicated executed. Of course it works in favor of the late "revelation", I get it, rhythm-wise it's a generally good choice. Nevertheless, the build-up could work more distinctive, specific, entertaining, perhaps even work with a far more distracting route with entertainment same time, to even strengthen the heavy twist some more, you know?

Still, well done. Imo we can't throw enough poo in the same direction the script does.
Kudos.



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Abe from LA
Posted: August 27th, 2017, 9:17pm Report to Moderator
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Nice written overall. I saw two versions of this story ó the awful rapes, and the young boys sharing secrets and innuendos. Both carry different tones.  I like the latter version. My thought here is to flip the tables. As others have mentioned, a twist would make this a fresher tale.

You have a priest who believes more in a pair of dice, than in paradise. Predictable. He runs a tight ship and is pretty much a stock character, for what he represents. What if Father Michael is the victim? Maybe one of the boys has power over him.  
Or maybe Alex and Simon have a plan. Would be cool if these kids somehow ordered something online that would neutralize the Beast.
This would generate tension and create mystery.
Don't let Father Michael get away with this. Don't let another boy suffer from his sexual abuse. Give the abusers the power.  I liked this script for it's potential.
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Warren
Posted: August 31st, 2017, 12:04pm Report to Moderator
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Hi all,

Iím quite happy with the overall reception of this one, so thanks for the generally favourable comments.

So, just to try answer some questions and clear things up.
Hopefully you assumed that Reggie was the kid in the first scene, it was meant as misdirection. Alex gets quite angry and dismissive when the topic of Reggie missing gets brought up. We see later that it is actually Alex in room 6.

Father Michael states that itís the third night in a row. So he has rolled 6, 6, 6 (the number of the beast). He is using this method to choose which boy he visits thinking that god is talking to him through the dice. So yes, there is very much a point to the priest using the dice. Itís the entire premise of the story.

Funny how you assumed (correctly so), but still assumed that he was molesting the boys. Not once in this script is there a rape scene or even the mention of abuse. Father Michael doesnít do or say anything sexual either. That, whether you enjoyed the script or not, is good subtext in my biased opinion. You all went where I wanted you to go and I didnít say or show you anything of that nature. For all you know Father Michael could be torturing these boys by singing show tunes for hours on end, hmmÖ maybe that would have been a good twist.

Yes some of you have mentioned that this is a well-worn topic but it is actually topical in Australia at this very moment, our very own Cardinal Pell is currently in and out of the news on historic sex crime charges. This was, is, and will forever be an issue in the Catholic Church. The recent series, The Young Pope, with Jude Law address the same subject matter. Not that Iím comparing my script to a BBC/HBO production, just saying that this is still a relevant topic, like it or not.

I also know priests arenít the only people that molest, but I was given a church so I used it. There were still less priests molesting children than there were old folks hanging themselves.
No the church is not ďinĒ the boarding school in the sense you are thinking but it is on the same property. My brother and sister went to a Catholic boarding school. They had separate classrooms, accommodation, cafeteria, and right there on the acreage, their very own church. Itís a thing. I imagine there would be many fancy private Catholic boarding schools in the States that would have a similar setup.

The working title was The Numbers Game, so bad. Iím happy I went with the one I chose as a few of you seemed to like it.

Glad it made one of you want to kick a priest in the nuts, please do.

I got Jeffís second highest score so Iím taking that to the bank.

A slightly edited version (by me not the producer) of this this has gone into pre-production with filming set for around October. Most of you will be happy to hear that it doesnít end well for the priest, but itís still not a happy Hollywood ending, I donít do those. Will put the new version up on SS.

Thanks for reading and commenting. It was a very enjoyable challenge and I think there should definitely be more in this format.


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eldave1
Posted: August 31st, 2017, 12:26pm Report to Moderator
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Warren - gave this a read.  Very solid effort.  Three nit issues:


Quoted Text

FATHER MICHAEL
Your will be done.


Just stuck me it should be Thy will be done." Maybe it's the old altar boy in me.

I was confused at first by the opening slug and took a sec to figure out you were on a Catholic compound, campus. It might be clearer to have an establishing shot of the campus first. Or just add it to the header. e.g.,

INT. CATHOLIC CAMPUS/BOARDING SCHOOL HALLWAY - NIGHT

INT. CATHOLIC CAMPUS/CHURCH  - DAY

Maybe not important - but it did derail the read just for a second in order to get the bearings.


Quoted Text
Closed doors line a bleak, lifeless hallway.


A real not - but I think you should indicate that all the doors are numbered.

Closed doors, each with a number on it, line a bleak, lifeless hallway.

Anyway - good stuff. There's a lot in 3 pages


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Warren
Posted: August 31st, 2017, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Dave,

I agree with the "thy" and it will be changed. This is going to be set in the 50's so definitely more appropriate.

As far as the slug goes, the producers are quite clear on what they have in mind so it's not a huge issue. Probably the same with the door numbers.

Thanks.




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Revision History (13 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Warren  -  November 11th, 2017, 4:47am
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eldave1
Posted: August 31st, 2017, 12:56pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Warren
Hi Dave,

I agree with the "thy" and it will be changed. This is going to be set in the 50's so definitely more appropriate.

As far as the slug goes, the producers are quite clear on what they have in mind so it's not a huge issue. Probably the same with the door numbers.

Thanks.


My pleasure. Looking forward to seeing it.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Don
Posted: September 2nd, 2017, 9:22am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Revised draft posted and bump to indicate it is in production through Warren's own efforts.

- Don


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-------------
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Warren
Posted: September 15th, 2017, 12:58am Report to Moderator
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Storyboards from the producer of Numbers of the Beast.

 photo received_102042802358823662_zpsh99maqs6.jpeg

 photo received_102042802370423952_zpsuhajtobj.jpeg

 photo received_102042802377624132_zpsefifbmad.jpeg

 photo received_102042802379624182_zpsluzzvlvz.jpeg

 photo received_102042802380424202_zpsyfwmfv9u.jpeg

 photo received_102042802380824212_zpsiq3kmkrv.jpeg



To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb

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