Utopia by Rex Luciano - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Drama - The adventure of Josh who meets Utopia people; Ellen, Arch, Mike, Zeta, and Queen. They go on extraordinary adventures that make their life so memorable. 86 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Rex,

I don't see any link to your work. Could this be as I'm on an old Linux machine??

Best JtF

Quoted from JtF Hi Rex, I don't see any link to your work. Could this be as I'm on an old Linux machine?? Best JtF

Click the title of the script.

Crikey! Found it - this looks right up my street. Already drinking the Ambrosia!!
This is a quick look thru - Watch you don't get too Gods-eye-view in the Action fields.

Unbeknownst to her, her Mother is looks (looking) for her. Please Show don't tell -
Mix short scenes with longer ones - maybe a few flashbacks as exposition - watch the long sections of dialogue that read a bit like a ping - pong data dump. Their speech is to enhance the action . . .
"I was just hit (by) a rock"
Look up the 3 Acts structure and tweek the plot arcs so that the parts flow well towards the whole.
I've got halfway - will certainly revisit. Best of Luck --

CONT-D

ARCH(looking around) Where are we? This place looks like something out of a sci-fi movie.
Is called on-the-nose meaning D'oH! You've just shown us that.

I was a bit freaked though as some six house before this I was crafting a scene that depicted almost the very same!!
Crikey - later there's a shower scene. Not quite the same as mine but yikes!

By P54 every line of dialogue has a micro direction attached. This not only makes it a hinderence to reading enjoyment, it quickly becomes annoying.
The dialogue should reinforce the set up, not give a play by play. (This is the very thing I'm flushing out of my own work presently)

As Utopia moves from scene to scene, I'm not particularly aware of the three act plot arcs/structure. For those that would jump in to comment "Those are just rules!" I would reply that they are there for a reason. Once you know them - you can work out how to break them!

Speech wise - again it just has to be the gist. This is your prose background bubbling up. Again for ease of reading (respect the white page) break up the longer scenes and the half page descriptions. Maybe more of this goes into the shooting script?

P80 81 the scene description is so similar I at first thought it was a repeated page error

If this is the thesis* - We've built something special here, a world that honors the past while embracing the future.
*what you want your punters to think a while after saying "What a great movie"
You then have to show a bit more of this in the plotting.

Well done for completing this inventive and imaginative journey into the future. We are both drinking the same Koolaide.
With your Editor's hat on look carefully back at what each scene has to achieve - in movement - plotting - or maybe misdirection. Your vivid imagination does not need to be held back in any way but be wary that some scenes are almost a homage to a few famous movies. All best JtF