Very nice! Wow, so you can write a sci-fi with a saw set in a car. Just look at it.
A well-rounded story that makes excellent sense. I couldn't wait to see what the ending would be and you ended it just right.
Very nice.

Off Grid

"muzak version of The Beastie Boys
'Sabotage' plays"

finally a moment when a music reference serves the story and world-building – nicely absurd

OS should be VO
Actually, to me, (computer automated), established 'once', would do the entire job fine. There'd be nothing to misunderstand and you got the technical side off the page from there on…

p2,3 more movement in the picture, please

page break p3/4 - end a page with a full sentence

The vision is interesting and could make a fine little piece, then, as said above, you let miss movement during the conversation. Something should happen even if some secondary world-building stuff, anything…

Criteria met; story not bad at all, but could be more. The concept works and is worth to think about. I immediately imagined to 'costume' a today's drone for a nice, futuristic SF impression. All in all, a very solid take of you.

'Off Grid' seemed to have some promise so I revisited it recently and posted an update. Always good to take some time between revs.

Thanks for all the tips, picks, and suggestions. I think I captured them all and cleaned it up for anyone that may be interested.

This would be a great one-man show on a shoestring budget. I think Bryson might just be me in a few years....

Listen to "Off Grid" on The Anthology Zone.