Yeah, those first five years are hard... not that it gets any easier, mind. At least - when they get older - we don't need to have our eyes on them constantly.

Thanks again for the read. I've already sent the script out to an exec', so I'm hoping for some pro feedback before I rewrite.

Dustin,

I really enjoyed the read. The Characters were all well developed; I loved Rebel, what a badass. Your antagonists got their proper comeuppance, Carver in-particular. The rape scene with Isabelle was quite disturbing and effective. Josiah's redemption was also very nice.

It has a unique tone throughout, very gritty, like an R-rated Gone With the Wind meets pirates, at least in my opinion. Very unique.

Your action lines are quite detailed, which will help the director when blocking the shots. Anything that makes their job easier is a good thing.

You have something great, its just a matter of getting it into the right hands.

I hope to see it on the big screen.

Lono.

Quoted from DustinBowcot New title, now called, A Slave's Tale.

Took the liberty of changing the title on the thread, Dustin.

Let me know if you would prefer the old title for some reason, I can easily put it back.

Quoted from bert Took the liberty of changing the title on the thread, Dustin.

Very considerate, thanks a lot.

Quoted from Lono Dustin, I really enjoyed the read. The Characters were all well developed; I loved Rebel, what a badass. Your antagonists got their proper comeuppance, Carver in-particular. The rape scene with Isabelle was quite disturbing and effective. Josiah's redemption was also very nice. It has a unique tone throughout, very gritty, like an R-rated Gone With the Wind meets pirates, at least in my opinion. Very unique. Your action lines are quite detailed, which will help the director when blocking the shots. Anything that makes their job easier is a good thing. You have something great, its just a matter of getting it into the right hands. I hope to see it on the big screen. Lono.

Still a bit of work to do on this one to get it to a stage where the story flows right through and all loose ends tied up. I can think of a couple of the story transitions that need work. I find scripts like this take a lot more out of me than just the normal run-of-the-mill thriller or horror, so I need lengthier breaks between drafts.

In regards to the action lines... I just like writing them. The Director nor choreographers need to go with what I've suggested, but I feel as though I'm cheating if I don't write something decent. Not many screenplay writers like doing them, I think.

I also hope to see this on the big screen one day. I've got a few more blockbusters in mind too. As much as I prefer writing them (if only for the challenge it provides) the chances of them getting made are fairly slim. Odds around the web measure it at 5000-1. So not impossible either.

I do have an exec reading it now... I think... I'm toying with the idea of approaching some more as I've never been good with patience, but I know I'm probably best targeting one at a time when it comes to big budget like this. So I'm holding it down for at least seven days before going to the next guy.

Thanks for the read. Much appreciated.

I've not read previous comments so apologies in advance if you've heard any of this before.

At the end of the first page the setting is done. I was a bit bewilderd about the country music though. They'd need some musos to play it back then. You don't say it, but it's implied it's coming from a source.

I suppose you've been getting a bit of a kicking from some about the treatment of these slaves. It does seem rather on the heavy side. I can imagine it's more likely them getting a beating than what they do get. But I don't know yet if you're going for realism or effect. This feels definitely more towards the latter.

On page 3 I think you meant 'letches' instead of leches.

After the first ten pages I'm a bit unsure of exactly what went on. A lot happened. And there's a lot of characters. I get the tone is supposed to be menacing and bleak.

It's pretty well written. The thing I'm unsure who to root for. The slaves are victims and obviously sympathetic. But I don't know them or anything about them. They've barely said a word yet. This being the case it's hard to get into the story.

I've also no real idea what will happen. This isn't neccesarily a bad thing. I think if you know exactly what'll happen by the end of a movie then it isn't going to be particularly enjoyable. Nevertheless I think more of a hint as to where we're going might help.

On a few pages the spacing's often a bit dense. It would read better with a bit more.

Read up to page twenty. It's well written on the whole. Coupla typos here and there but nothing major. Some of the dialogue is good. Natural flow. However it is tough to get through as it's extremely violent. I'll carry on when I'm in a more open minded mood.

R

Sorry for my bad mood last night.... suffering from a slipped disc in my back. I originally visited this thread to impart some good news.

This script has gotten me to the final stage of the BBC writer's room open submission thingy. I'll post the email:

Quoted Text Dear Dustin Thank you for submitting your script to SCRIPTROOM 5.  We received over 1300 TV & Film Drama scripts, and our team of readers have been working intensively to sift through all submissions. Our readers were asked to consider what the opening of each script demonstrated about the writer’s voice and originality, their understanding of medium, form, genre and tone, and the strength of the world, story, characters and dialogue. After reading the first 10 pages, your script was put forward to the next sift where the first 20-30 pages of scripts were then read by another reader and we are pleased to tell you that your script was longlisted. This means it progressed to the full read and feedback stage of the process, where a script reader read your script, provided comments and discussed your script with the Writersroom producers and BBC Drama Development staff. Our readers were very impressed by the standard, imagination and ambition of the work that reached this stage in the process; and I’m delighted to tell you that on the strength of your script, you are progressing to the next and final stage of the process. This means that BBC staff will now be reading and discussing your script and will be selecting writers to be part of the Scriptroom 5 development group. This stage will take approximately 6 weeks and we hope to be back in touch with a decision about the final selection in July when we will also send you feedback on your script. Thank you again for all your hard work and patience. Best wishes, BBC Writersroom

Obviously, I may still not get through, but that doesn't matter. I have other roads I'm hitting too. One way or another...

Best of luck.

Good luck, Dustin. I actually read the first 15 pages of this last night and I must say that your weaving of a tale is good, accounting for set up, your characters, and the overall feel of the world you created. Nicely done. All the best going forward!

Steve

Grats on the expose Dustin. -gl down the road.

Tony

Well done Dustin - keep us informed on how things go.

Cheers. Much appreciated.