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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  American Born Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 2nd, 2018, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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American Born by David Foster - Action, Adventure - 2 men living during George Washingtons time. 106 pages - pdf, format

For production consideration - No comments required


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  March 18th, 2018, 10:15am
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eldave1
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 10:58am Report to Moderator
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David: I don't get it. You took a lot of time to write a script.  Yet you:

- Wrote what is essentially a half a logline.
- Did not complete a Title Page
- Included something akin to a synopsis on your opening page.
- Don't bother to use any semblance of proper scene headings.
- Don't use periods or question marks.  I don't think there is more then one or two in the first six pages.

So I don't get it. Why do all of the hard work of writing dialogue, creating a story, etc. if you're not going to pay attention to some of the very basic stuff?



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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HyperMatt
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 11:24am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
David: I don't get it. You took a lot of time to write a script.  Yet you:


So I don't get it. Why do all of the hard work of writing dialogue, creating a story, etc. if you're not going to pay attention to some of the very basic stuff?



Looks like he is passionate about the story. But he really needs 101 on the proper formatting of a screenplay.


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eldave1
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt


Looks like he is passionate about the story. But he really needs 101 on the proper formatting of a screenplay.


Twas a mystery to me


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Reel-truth
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 7:17pm Report to Moderator
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If you want people to give your a script and honest read, you gotta' clean this up. The fact that you don't use punctuations is impossible to read through. My advice is to read some other scripts, get a feel of how it's suppose to be executed.

And that logline...c'mon man...102 page script and you got a 5 word logline that tells us nothing.

I do like the title though  



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Lono
Posted: March 20th, 2018, 11:32am Report to Moderator
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You need to figure out what your story is about; it's all just so confusing. For example, your scene headings:

BALL ROOM DANCE

Should be:

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

One word. Ball Room suggests a room full of balls, at least that's how I read it. Your scene headings are the least of the problems. You need to learn proper formatting.
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