In this game, you'll take the role of a character from one of your scripts.

You write it like a script.  You write it one scene at a time, or you continue the scene that was previously posted.  And when you're in a "scene", you CAN take liberties with other people's characters -- that's part of what makes it fun; however, if the creator of that character absolutely despises what you've done, you must modify your scene accordingly.

I'll begin.  I'll be Baka.

                            SCENE ONE "The Bar"

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Most bar-patrons flee as an ash-haired, red-eyed, floating demon head named BAKA, appears in a puff of smoke; however, some brave, unaffected folks, remain.

                                        BAKA
                          BOO!!!

No one cares.

                                        BAKA
                          I'm a demon!  Run away!  Demons
                          are scary, aren't we???

[CONTINUE THE SCENE.]





 

SKYLA BARATEL (red-hair tied back, scars on her face visible) leans back on her chair, smoking a cigarette, bottle of Vodka and a glass of ice in front of her.

SKYLA
More demons!
(under breath)
Thought I was through with
this s**t.

She sits upright, flicks her cigarette end at Baka.  The head shifts as the nub-end fires past.

Skyla gets to her feet, she moves around the table to face the demon, on her way she wearily removes her coat reavealing a gun on each hip.

SKYLA
(cont)
And here I was, just chillin' out, enjoyin'
a drink.
(beat)
Why did you have to 'materialize' in this bar?

Her fingers-tips stroke the gun handles, just a warning.

[CONTINUE]

At the far end of the bar the movement has attracted the attention of DAMIAN SAVARINO. Black suit, shades, perfectly combed hair. He doesn't belong here.

He looks over, spots the guns, goes back to his drink like he didn't notice.

He downs his shot and sits the empty glass on the table.

                              DAMIAN
                    Hey.

The bartender looks over.

                              DAMIAN(CONT'D)
                    Another.

The bartender fills another shot and slides it down to DAMIAN. He catches it and swallows it in one move, then sits it on the counter and tosses a ten down next to it.

The conversation between BAKA and SKYLA is heating up.

DAMIAN pauses for a moment, just relaxing, in no hurry. He reaches up and adjusts his shades, stretching his neck.

He reaches down to a bulge at his side as he stands and starts towards the door, fingers flexing.

[CONTINUE]

HARRY DECKARD (A day in my life) steps out of the men's bathroom after slicking back his hair with a bucketload of water. He pauses and lets out a low whistle at the scene before him. He oogles Skyla's arse.


                                HARRY
              Wow! Can things get much hotter in
              here?
                        (To Barman)
              Gimme a drink and a love potion
              for the lady.

Harry grins, doesn't miss a beat. The argument stops and Skyla turns to face
him, angered.

                                  SKYLA
              You got somethin' on me, bub?

                                  HARRY
              Yeah, I got my "oogling-glasses" on.

CONTINUE

DAMIAN stops a few feet from the door, cocking his head. His hand continues to hover near the bulge, just waiting.

The bartender stands behind the counter, looking nervous. He sets a glass down on the counter and ducks down.

SKYLA(O.S.)
What did you say?

HARRY
I said I got my o--

SKYLA moves fast and pulls the guns, pressing the barrel against HARRY's chin before he can react.

                        DAMIAN
              Don't.

He has his gun out, aimed at SKYLA.

                        DAMIAN(CONT'D)
                    (to bartender)
                Get up, drop the shot.

The bartender stands, shotgun in hand.

                      DAMIAN(CONT'D)
                Everybody cool?
                    (beat)
                Nobody going to shoot anybody?

Mexican stand-off.

[CONTINUE]

Floyd a tall blonde hair boy at the age of 21 enters
                                    Floyd
                  Just a drink to get your mind off of...What the heck is going on in here!
No!!!! Don't point that gun at me! Heck I'm just a kid who broke up with his...

He jumps under a table.

                                    Floyd
                                Why the heck does everything happen to me!

                                   Floyd
                               Now did i miss something? Was i supossed to bring a gun too?  
                               I must have missed the memo!


(con.)

                              DAMIAN
                What the hell are you doing here kid?!

                                SKYLA
                Shut up!

                              DAMIAN
              Did you just tell me to shut up?

                                HARRY
              Oh lord.

                                DAMIAN
                I--
                  (to bartender)
                Ah! Hey! No!

BARTENDER lowers the shotgun a bit.

                          DAMIAN(CONT'D)
              Why not just. . . all the way, huh?

                          BARTENDER
              Git outta my bar!

KABOOM!

All hell breaks loose.

[CONTINUE]

                                        Floyd
                                  Am i alive? What the---Where the door...Ahh who hit me?
No don't shoot me I didn't mena to come in here! It was the wrong----AHH!

Ducks back under the table     
                     
                      Floyd
                    All it takes is one girl....One stupid girl

                              BAKA
                  Wait a sec.  This isn't Fast
                  Eddie's Coffee Shop!  What the?
                  I didn't mean to instigate a...
                  my bad.

BAKA disappears in a puff of smoke.

Meanwhile....

INT. BATHROOM - BAR - NIGHT

A row of 4 stalls and 4 urinals line the bathroom interior, loud screams of pain come from within one of the stalls

                          VOICE (OS)
  Oh god, please... That's it, come toward the light

The screaming soon turns into a sigh of relief followed by a flush.

The door of the second to last stall opens to reveal Jae Williams, a 25 year old semi good looking man dressed in a grey pin stripped suit wearing dark sun glasses and a baseball hat to cover his hair.

Jae walks to the sink and turns on the faucet to wash his hands

VOICE (OS)
Hey out there, you alright?

JAE
Yeah

VOICE (OS)
You know there's some type of old western
duel happenin' out there

JAE
Yeah?

VOICE (OS)
Yeah

Jae finishes up and dries his hands quickly

[Continue]

                          DAMIAN
              Bloody hell where'd he go?!

                          SKYLA
              The demon?

                          DAMIAN
                Demon?!
                    (beat)
                Sure, why not.

BARTENDER keeps blowing holes in things with his shotgun. DAMIAN and SKYLA blow him away.

HARRY dives for cover behind an overturned table, bullets chasing him.

                            HARRY
                Why are you shooting at me?!

DAMIAN stops firing.

                          DAMIAN
                  Actually why are we shooting?

                        SKYLA
                    Bartender.

                        DAMIAN
                    Ah yes, bartender.

They start up again.

[CONTINUE]

                        Floyd
                      What's the point of this? i came in hre to get a drink not to get shot!!! Last time i do my business---
A shot interrupts him
                      Haha  just kidding...I'll tell my old Girlfriend about this place

Harry eyes Floyd.


                      HARRY
            How about we got over and shoot
            his girlfriend? Saves my hair getting
            messed up!  



                       

DAMIAN ejects his spent clips and loads in new ones.

                     DAMIAN
          This is so much fun it's freaky! My contracts never take this many bullets!

He empties the clips, loads in more, then empties those clips.

                       DAMIAN
          John Woo! Yaaaaargh!

He dives to the side and fires more bullets.

                       DAMIAN
            (insane laughter)

[CONTINUE]

                                 Floyd
                      You wanna kill my girlfriend?  Well, it just so happens she at the movies with....OH shoot! I'm supposed to be at the----Well to late now...God I need a coke. Hey  Bartender you got a coke?

                                 

                                       Floyd        
                              Oh and i think there's a mistake...The demons at fast eddie's Coffee shop so...Why don't you  go and finish killing your "vontracts over there... Ok I'm done talking...Oh...Bartender....Do you have Pepsi? i like that better of course coke is....ok ...I'll shut up now....

DAMIAN continues to shoot random stuff for no reason.

                           DAMIAN
                Less talky more blasty!

                            HARRY
                Why are you still shooting?!

                            DAMIAN
                I have bullets left!

A provocatively dressed attractive young woman, SARAH (from "After Hours") slinks into the bar, adjusting her visible black bra straps underneath a very tight little top.  

Eyes all over the room are instantly upon her.  

She places her hands on her hips and rolls her eyes at Damian.  His back is to her.  He's still shooting.

Another moment and she walks confidently up to him.  Stands behind him out of the line of fire.

                                   SARAH
                     Hey.

He doesn't hear.
                                   SARAH
                            (louder)
                     Hey!

She taps him on the shoulder.  He spins around with his gun directed at her.  She is unfazed.

                                   SARAH
                            (mocking, places hand on chest)
                     Oh, Grandma, what a big gun you have...
                     Is that the better to shoot things with?

Damian lowers the gun.  He smiles, clearly intrigued by her.

                                    DAMIAN
                             (sweetly)
                     And who the hell are you?

She leans closely to him.

                                    SARAH
                     Your wet dream in the flesh.  
                             (indicates gun)
                     You always get off with something big
                     in your hand?

(continue)
                     
                                   

                                Floyd  
            If i wanted to see rated R stuff i could have gone and seen my Girlfriend  with her new boyfriend...Well as long as were not shooting anymore...Hey where's my coke!!!

                       DAMIAN
             Hush!

He spins and shoots the last can of Coke off the counter.

                         DAMIAN
            Damn, that was my last bullet.
                      (beat)
            FOR THE .45'S!

He tosses them aside, pulles out a Desert Eagle, and starts shooting again.

                         SARAH
               Unbelievable.

                          HARRY
                He's a little--
                      (ducks)
                 --odd, isn't--
                    (ducks)
                 --he?

People keep coming and going like nothing's happening, as DAMIAN continues to shoot stuff.

[CONTINUE]

                                 Floyd
            Yeah he's a bit odd in the head

Notices the spilling coke...  

                                Floyd
             Guess I'll have to do with a Pepsi!

               

                         HARRY
                        (To Sarah)
                 Hey, hey, you doing anything
                 tonight?
                         (pause)
                 If not u fancy going to see a
                 movie or something with me?

DAMIAN's guns run dry.

                         DAMIAN
           Huh. That sucks.
                      (beat)
           This is the first time I've ever run out of bullets.
                      (beat)
           AND I LOVED IT!

He starts pistol whipping the wall.

                         HARRY
            Uh huh.

                         SARAH
            I don't know which is worse. Going to a movie with you or watching him try
            to pistol whip the wall to death. . .

                         HARRY
            Is he slitting that chair's throat?

                        DAMIAN(O.S.)
            Trying! It's not dying damn it! YEAHAHAHA!

                         SARAH
            . . . what movie?

[CONTINUE]

                              Floyd
              I wanna go to a movie!!! Can i come? I'm sick of crazy Lunitics...

                         Notice's  all the bullet marks
                        Floyd
                      I perfer comedys....With no violence...

DAMIAN continues to pistol whip the wall and laugh in a totally insane fashion.

                              DAMIAN
               My world isn't real! It's created by an evil genius with no life!

He proceeds to whip out some piano wire and starts cutting up the chair HARRY is leaning on.

                             HARRY
                Please stop that.

                              DAMIAN
                FLUCKS DE BUNNIES PADRE! YAWOHL MEIN CHAIR!

                              HARRY
                 . . .

He inches back.

[CONTINUE]

Skyla's foot KICKS the chair high into the air, she BLASTS it to SPLINTERS before it hits the floor.

Damian's not impressed by her move.

SKYLA
(to Damian)
You need to chill the f**k out.

She spins the guns as she holsters them.

She pushes strands of hair from her face.

SKYLA
So, what about this movie?
(beat)
Is it an open invite?

(CONTINUE)

DAMIAN
Can I come?

                                     Floyd
                  I really wanna see that new comedy movie, Envy.
                  I heard it's great...  You should all come too...
                          (Notices Damian's Guns)
                   But I heard security is really tight...
                           (beat)
                  Bummer.

                           HARRY
                Just me and the girl, people.
                I can't snog more than one
                          (To Floyd)
                Sorry, I can see that you're gagging
                for it.
                          (aka Skyla)
               Why not try her.

                                 Floyd    
                      Ok...Hey Skyla! Wanna go see a Movie?
                         If not I guess i'll get out of here...Hey! there's a whole               through my best hat!!!
He picks up a boston red soxs hat that's filled with bullet holes
                 I'm guessing Damian's a Yankees fan...
   

                           DAMIAN
                YEHAW!

He starts making gun sounds and starts running around.

                            HARRY
                  . . .

                              SKYLA
                  . . .

                               FLOYD
                   . . .

                              DAMIAN
                  Yankees? What are Yankees?

                              HARRY
                 Is this a riddle?

                              DAMIAN
                GUYS WITH GUNS!

He keeps making gun sounds.

                              HARRY
                     (to SKYLA)
               You have guns.

                               SKYLA
                Yes. Yes I do.

                                HARRY
                Why don't you put him out of his misery?

                                 SKYLA
                As pathetic as this is it's starting to get entertaining,

                               DAMIAN(O.S.)
                         (bad John Wayne accent)
                 Y'all been messin with thuh wa'erin hole piiiiiiiiiiilgrums.

[CONTINUE]

Sarah looks at Damian and then Skyla.  Sarah's eyes roll.  Skyla sees this and smiles.

                   SARAH
       Look, as unbelievably exciting as this all is,
       I'm sure I've got better ways to spend my
       time.

Sarah's eyes are unwavering.

                    SARAH
            (to Skyla)
        I'm sure you do too.  Don't you?

She advances toward the other girl.

                     SARAH
             (lowly)
       So just how quickly can I get you
       out of here?

(continue)
       

                                      Floyd
                Those Stubbron Yanks...I'm btting you are one...Hey are you threating me with those gun noises?
                                   Damian
And what if i am! Frankfurts Hamburgers!
                                    Floyd
Are you saying German food words? Ok...your...uh...different?

                                  DAMIAN
                    Hell yeah! Papow! Papow!

Skyla gives Sarah a smile.

SKYLA
So people, here's the plan.  Harry, how
d'ya feel about stepping aside and
letting me and Sarah here go to that movie?

She looks at Harry and raises an eyebrow.

SKYLA
Well?  Any objections?

HARRY
As long as I can watch.

SKYLA
(to Sarah)
Men!

They share a smile.

SKYLA
(to Floyd)
And sorry darlin' you just ain't my type.

FLOYD
Shucks, rejected twice in one day.

He looks upset.

SARAH
Sometimes that's the way it goes.

SKYLA
But before I go I have something I
wanna do.

She whips out the guns with her usual style.  She trains them on Damian who is still running circles around the bar, making gun noises.

POV SKYLA
We look down the sites of the gun, she's locked and loaded on Damian.

SKYLA (OS)
Anyone got any objections if I
put Yankee Doodle Dandy here
out of his misery
(beat)
And us out of ours?

(continue)

                               Floyd
         Yes! Blood makes me throw up!
        Runs towards the Bathroom Saying:
          Wait till I'm here there!

DAMIAN turns to her.

                            DAMIAN
                Bullets? Having an affect on me? Please.

SKYLA fires, the bullet hits DAMIAN's arm.

He stands there.

                              DAMIAN
                OW! What the bloody hell were you thinking, that hurt!

He runs off and hides behind the bar.

                              DAMIAN(O.S.)
                Fear me!

[CONTINUE]

                 Floyd comes out of the bathroom
                                   Floyd
  I heard the shot...Is he dead?

                            DAMIAN
           You cannot defeat me! I am eternal and odd!

                           HARRY
           Why can't I watcH? Watching is all
           the hip....better still why can't I
           join in? I mean joining in is good isn't
          it? Well?


They give him a look.

                            DAMIAN
           Watch? Watch? What's the time Mr.
           Wolf?

Suddenley the door bursts inward.

Three terrified men, all wearing 'Ensign Industries' boiler suits, flee into the recesses of the bar. They are followed by:

JANI HALTONEN, Finnish 1940's soldier, rugged, sweating, bloody, heaves the door closed behind him. He tosses a bloody bayonet onto a nearby table, picks up another table and rams it against the door, pushes his full weight against it.

Everyone just stares.

                                  JANI
                            (panting)
                   You might want to get down.

Nobody moves. Outside a vicious howling kicks up, a thousand feral voices catching on the air. The Ensigns whimper

Jani presses his body deeper into the wood. He reaches for his bayonet, grasping it tightly in one hand, then thinking better of tosses it across the floor, pressing his entire body against the table.

He slowly turns his head back to the unmoving patrons of the bar.

                              JANI
                    Seriously. You really should get
                    down.

He closes his eyes, and starts to pray.

DAMIAN stops shooting, looking over at JANI.

He twitches.

                                      DAMIAN
                     Potential hostiles. Engage AKS.

He twitches again, then goes perfectly rigid. He spins the guns on his fingers, then ejects the clips and loads in new ones in one smooth move.

                                       DAMIAN
                      Enemy protocol loaded.

                                        SKYLA
                      So he's a robot now?

                                          HARRY
                      Weird.

                                          DAMIAN
                      I am a Digital Artificial Machine Intended for Assassination and
                      Nullification.

                                           HARRY
                     Ah, well, that's perfectly normal then, right?

                                           DAMIAN
                                   (to JANI)
                     Step back from the doors.

                                           HARRY
                     Should we really be standing here when we know he's an android
                     and a minute ago  he was going looney?

BAKA appears in a puff of smoke.

                                            BAKA
                       Yes.

BAKA vanishes again.

                                             HARRY
                        . . . okay.

[CONTINUE]

                                            Floyd
                Uh...Maybe...Maybe I'll go and hide behind this table for awhile...
               
              Pause
                   You know it's a shame there out of coke
    Ducks behind an upturned table.

BAKA appears in yet another of his famous "puffs of smoke."

                                 BAKA
                 ATTENTION EVERYONE!  I'M SORRY FOR THE
                 INCONVENIENCE, BUT ...

                                 JANI
                          (interrupting)
                 What the hell?

                                 BAKA
                 Exactly.

Without hesitation, DAMIAN reveals a new gun from somewhere in
his clothes, and immediately shoots BAKA.

                                BAKA
                 OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

                                SKYLA
                 My turn.

SKYLA shoots BAKA.

                                BAKA
                 OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

SKYLA shoots BAKA again.

                                 BAKA
                 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!

SKYLA and DAMIAN both shoot BAKA at the same time.

                                  BAKA
                 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

BAKA disappears in a FEROCIOUS THERMONUCLEAR EXPLOSION that, due to
its microscopic size, is simply a puff of smoke.

[CONTINUE]

  From under the table you hear...
                                   Floyd
  Wow! This has been a great night! My girlfriend dumped me for some other guy, I saw Demons, I met some, No ofense, really odd people that walk around with guns,and i saw a demon get shot...I wanna move to the country and have a farm.  
                                    Skyla
   You do that.                      

                          HARRY
         Giles? Farmer Giles? What about piggy?

                                 Floyd
     Giles...Hey that's my dad...Did you know him?

                   HARRY
     Yes, we boiling humbugs on the poko
     tree fire. It was cool.

                                     Floyd
         The...The poko tree fire? Are you okay?

                  HARRY
       YES! I drunk too much beer!

Jani stares slack jawed at the scene before him.

                              JANI
            You know, were this any other bar in
            the world, and a time travelling, blood covered,
            world war two soldier burst in with a warning,
            most other people would be a mite curious.

Jani steps away from the doors.

                            JANI (Cont'd)
           I mean, most people would question the fact
           that i, a young man who has never ventured out
           of Finland, was in fact speaking perfect English, and
           indeed that i have obviously been through some kind
           of trauma. Couple this with the inhumane howling coming
          from outside, and you've got a situation.

One of the cowering Ensign's pops up from a recess.

                           ENSIGN No. 1
           There are monsters out there!!!!!!!!!!


             

                                      Floyd
     Well don't get any Ideas that were all normal here...I mean...Jeez...Your from  finland? My Dad was a potato farmer in Ireland... But that was back in 1876...oh shoot...Did i say my dad i mean...Ok I confess...I'm not normal either...Ever read rip van winkle...well the same thing happened to me...I was born in 1866...But i fell asleep when i was 20 and woke up a couple years ago...And now I'm staying the same age...I have to move every 4 years or so...that way no one will find out...

                                 Floyd
       So...um...
Everyone stars at him
                                 Harry
       And i thought i was drunk    
                                 Floyd
       Yeah well you guys arn't much different... Your from Finland during WWII. Your a demon...or something...you Skyla are a Demon fighter i think...I think Baka's a demon...And what ever happen to the bartender?
                               Skyla
         Dead
                               Floyd
         How?
                               Harry
        Yeah how?
 Everyone stares at Skyla for an answer.

Skyla looks at the eyes that all stare back at her.  She turns an upside down chair over and sits down.

She pulls out her guns, the onlookers take a step back, Skyla smiles.  She reloads the guns.

SKYLA
The Bartender?
(beat)
He's dead 'cause he didn't move
fast enough.  End of story.

                                 Floyd
          Well that makes sense
(Beat)
        Ya know you would make a great bed time story teller...

DAMIAN stares at everyone.

                                 DAMIAN
                 YAGAHOVOY!

He disapears in a puff of smoke.

Then everyone looks over at the door as he tries to sneak out.

                                DAMIAN
                 YAGOHOVOY!

Another puff of smoke.

                            HARRY
              He's insane!

                          Floyd
        What a minute...Didn't someone say there was mosters out there?
       Now this is great! I guess we can't leave or we will all get eaten by some        monsters.. We should go to the circus and join the freak show...so now what are we
       gonna do about these monsters?
                       Sarah
        Yeah i don't think we can all dissapear in a puff of smoke...

DAMIAN walks back in and hands everyone a little gray ball.

                                 DAMIAN
                    YAGAHOVOY!

He disappears in a puff of smoke.

                                 HARRY(O.S.)
                   Help.

DAMIAN hangs off of HARRY like a monkey.

                                   HARRY (CONT'D)
                   Someone get him off. Please.

                                  NARRATOR(V.O.)
                   In a town where crime is the law.

Everyone looks around.

                                  SKYLA
                    A thought just occurred to me: this place has a back door.

                                  DAMIAN
                      YAGAHOVOY!

A puff of smoke. HARRY starts coughing.

DAMIAN sneaks away in the background.

                                 Floyd
          A back door how great!
                              Damian
         YAGAHOVOY!
                             Floyd
         I'm out of here...
                            Sarah
        I wonder what is gray thing does
                             
                           Harry
      I'm gonna eat it...
He takes a huge bite out of it and suddenly he disapears and then appears a monkey.
                       floyd
     Hes...
(Beat)    
     He's a monkey...
                       Sklya
     I say we kill him? I love monkey rugs.
                      Harry ( The monkey)
              Maybe i have drunk to much...I'M A MONKEY!
                      Sarah
            Kill him
                      Sklya
              Ok
She lifts her gun and fires.
 Nothing happens.

                                   DAMIAN
                MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY!

                           Harry
           I wanna try it again!
He takes a bite out Sklya gray ball and turns into a bird
                           Harry
          Look i can fly!
                           Sklya
          Let me kill him!

                                DAMIAN
              . . . . even I'm confused.

                   HARRY
     LET'S ALL DANCE AROUND A PADDLING
    POOL WITH PIECES OF BOOGIE MASH
    ON OUR SHOULDERS.

                                   Floyd
               Confused...Yeah...i think Harry's on something...

Jani, body straining against the doors, realises that nothing is happening outside. He peels himself away from the knotted wood of the table and lays it gently down.

                                  Jani
                       Hey guys....
                          (Listens)
                      I think they've gone.

Obviously no one in the bar pays attention to him.

Jani motions for one of the Ensign Industries guys to come over.

                                Jani
                     Go out and check if they're
                     still out there Ensign Bobby.

Ensign Bobby looks at him, incredulous. Jani places a reassuringly heroic hand on his shoulder.

                                Jani
                      It's safe. Trust me?

Ensign Bobby nods, and cautiously heads outside. Jani watches from the doorway.

Suddenly there comes a horrific scream and the sounds of ravenous beasts tearing at what was Ensign Bobby. Jani is showered with gore, head to toe. He gingerly closes the door behind him.

No one else seems to have noticed the new blood-spattered development. Jani meanders over to the group, casual, whistling. He stops next to Floyd, the remanents of Ensign Bobby dripping rhytmically onto the floor.

                           Jani
                    (To Floyd)
             So.........how are you?

                                      DAMIAN
                 Funky, that was.

                                     Floyd
               Oh I'm fine, Um...I think you may be bleeding...
                                    Harry
               That's not blood it's tomato sauce!

Suddenly, from the restroom, a man walks out. JACK DODGER ("Hunters", still being written) strolls into the person-infested bar full of scared, odd, or confused people. He wears a long coat, and is soaking wet.

DODGER:
I... uh.... hear we have a stray feral dog out-

He looks around at the faces. Then he gets to Jani.

DODGER:
Oh. Um. I see. Well, anyhow-

He brings a pump shotgun with a sight out from under his coat and puts it on the bar.

DODGER:
Okay, fine, you guys don't have sewer access under the bathrooms. I can see by the time traveller- don't worry, kid, we picked you up on our Anomaly Splicer- and the various subdemons here that I don't need to try to play dumb. The thing, though, is that our teleportation spell is so new, that it just makes you thirsty. We got anything to drink? Where's the bartender?
(looks over the bar)
Oh. I'm assuming that was the demon. If not, eh. Don't worry, dudes, I work for people totally unlike the people I think you think I am. I'm only here for the werewolves. Can I get a drink? Like I said, the spell makes you thirsty.
(reaches over, gets a bottle of something)
Hm. Vodka.

                                 Floyd
        The Bartender? Dead. And now for the big question...WHO THE HECK ARE     YOU?

DODGER:
Me?

He shakes himself off a bit by his hands.

DODGER:
I could go for the Bruce Campbell quote, but I'd rather go for the saving your asses from the werewolves thing.
(to JANI)
It is werewolves, yeah? We weren't quite sure.
(to FLOYD)
See, the Hunters Guild got this brand spanking new technology from a coven a while back. We managed to get a Teleportation Spell inside a weapon. I got shot, I came here. We are now able to do house calls. No, but seriously, my team has been tracking Mr. Time Traveller and the pack of wolves for about a few months now. I'm Jack Dodger, Hunters Guild, pleased to meet you.

He picks up his shotgun.

DODGER:
Well. It seems you guys all have enough blood in here, to add to the fact that the soldier is covered in it. It's probably driving them nuts.
(to JANI)
I asked if it was werewolves. Depending on the answer, I will devise a plan in my head and then we shall step outside, yes?

DAMIAN reloads his guns.

                                                 DAMIAN
                             You have my guns.

                                                   LEGOLAS WANNABE
                             And my bow.

                                                   GIMLI WANNABE
                            And my axe!

                                                    SKYLA
                             Who the hell are they?

Enter BUBBLES DZINGBODE, a black man with a Huge afro and long white robes about a size too big for him, and a few buttons undone reveal a Malcolm X T-shirt underneath.  He looks dehydrated

BUBBLES
W-w-w-water...and food....now... b'fo i bust your head so hard, y-y-y-you won't know what hitcha....  n-n-n-n-name is bub-b-bles dzing...

He then falls unconscious.  all stare at him in deep confusion.

Adam Kovac enters (Superhero Trilogy). He takes a seat by the bar. All Hell breaks loose around him.

ADAM
(bartender)
Give me a double, something strong.

The Bartender nods, complies.

ADAM (VO)
It had been a long day. The type of day your never warned about. Lets hope the silver lining is an appropriate pay-off.

He downs the double. Slams the glass down.

ADAM
(to bartender)
Hit me.

The others notice Adam.

DODGER:
I am so goddamn confused.
(cocks his shotgun)
I am going out to shoot some damn werewolves. Hopefully, I won't die in this universe.
(RE: off blank stares, sighs)
I've been cursed to be a Universal Hunter. Upon my death in my universe, some cosmic morons thought it would be funny to reincarnate me as a monster hunter for each new universe's Guild of the Hunt for each new death.
(RE: off blank stares)
I hope to god the next universe isn't some 'let's-all-walk-into-the-bar' universe.
(RE: off blank stares)
Fine. Be that way.
(walks outside)
YOU CAN KILL ME NOW!

The bar stands on the verge of chaos.
A man, JERRY WRIGHT, enters dressed in a lime green trenchcoat.
He glances around.
JERRY
I guess I found where the " two whatever's walk into a bar" originated.